Falling into Twilight
by Lightning Skies
Summary: The Cullens lived a quiet life, separate from the problems of humans, until Xander Harris, Zeppo Extraordinaire and Buttmonkey of the Universe fell into their laps and caused an outbreak of total chaos SLASH EC/XH JB/BS E/R J/A C/E NO Bella bashing
1. It's Raining Men

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers: Most of the bigger events in Twilight and BtVS, with alterations

Warnings: Slash, Het, NO Bella Bashing, Sexual situations, Some violence, Swearing

Pairings: Edward/Xander, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, Jacob/Bella?

Disclaimer: Neither Twilight nor Buffy is mine. However, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks and they're on my wish list, so I remain hopeful.

I CALL FIRST PAIRING. I find that Xander and Harry (Potter) are the perfect every-men. They can be successfully inserted into any other cannon universe and thrive. I often read Xander crossovers and imagine Harry in his place and vice versa, so it really surprises me that there aren't more BtVS/Twilight crosses written. Edward/Harry is all over FFN and I couldn't find a single E/X anywhere. I decided that the lack of material was a crime against fan-fiction and immediately sat down to write this.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 1 – It's Raining Men =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

It was a dark and stormy night; which meant it was perfect weather for a Cullen's family baseball game. Now, normally, this would be the perfect weather to_ avoid_ playing baseball but there were very few measuring systems that would label this particular family normal. In fact, if the average person was to find out that these seven young, beautiful beings were immortal, powerfully strong, incredibly fast and agile, near invulnerable and over a hundred years old, they might even go so far as to call them abnormal. Therefore, it was rather fortunate that the small gossip-prone population of Forks, Washington had no idea that vampires walked among them.

"Let's GO already!" A huge, bulky 20-ish young man hollered into the house as he hovered by the front door, making the windows rattle slightly in protest at the volume. He wore his hat with the brim hanging sideways over his left ear and a navy blue tracksuit as well as a look of enthusiastic anticipation.

"Relax, Emmett." A petite brunette girl with short flyaway hair bounced lightly down the stairs, not at all fazed by his impatience. "The storm is going to continue into tomorrow afternoon, we have plenty of time." Her cleats tapped lightly at the marble flooring as she shoved her unruly locks into an old Cubs cap. Her whole outfit went with the theme; knee high striped baseball socks and a sleeveless pitchers jersey over a tight black long sleeved tee.

"That's wonderful, Alice. It's been so long since we've had a good long game. It will be nice to spend some time together." A warm and motherly looking woman entered from the living room and met them in the front hall. She was followed by a man with platinum blonde hair who handed her a scarf as she spoke. He looked highly amused at the actions of his odd little family.

"Tonight is going to be important, Esme. I can't see exactly why but it will have a big impact on the whole family." She was totally mystified. Never before had her visions told her something was coming, but not what it was. Usually they told her everything or nothing at all, none of this teasingly cryptic halfway stuff. It was the first time she could remember in over a hundred years that she felt the anticipation of not knowing what the future would bring. She wasn't sure she liked it.

The older man frowned. "Should we cancel the game and stay in tonight?" He focused on his adopted daughter, as they both ignored Emmett's protests. "Alice, are we in any danger? What can you see?"

She shifted uncomfortably, staring off into space intently and fiddling lightly with the shirt she held. "It's nothing bad, I don't think. None of us get hurt anywhere in the foreseeable future, but something's going to change soon." She focused on his worried face. "Whatever it is, it's big, Carlisle. I'm not sure that staying in would avoid it. Stuff this big is usually tied in with fate and destiny. If it is unchangeable and we tried to run it might just follow us home."

Carlisle squeezed her shoulder comfortingly. "I'm sure we'll be fine." He smiled at Emmett's frustration, "Besides I'm not sure we'd survive Emmett if we tried to stay home tonight."

"Alice?" A curly blonde head poked over the second story banister, interrupting their laughter as a severe looking young man peered down at them. "Have you seen…?" He cut himself off as she held up a Texas Rangers jersey and arched a perfect eyebrow at him. He disappeared from view for a moment, then hopped over the railing to land gently beside her, adjusting his cap as he fell.

"I told you that if you put it away in the linen closet that you were going to forget about it. I see these things for a reason, Jasper." The chiding was gentle as she slid the shirt over his shoulders and buttoned up the front for him.

"Rosalie. Honey. Are you almost ready? Is it really necessary to touch up your make-up to go play in the woods?" Esme called lightly up the stairs at her still missing daughter.

"That's what makes it so important. Maintenance now will prevent the need for a total reconstruction later." Sauntering down the stairs, still fluffing her honey blonde hair- Rosalie was breathtakingly beautiful, even standing among her above-average looking family. She managed to make her sleeveless down-stuffed vest and tight sweatpants look like the height of fashion.

"You're always gorgeous, babe." She smiled widely and tucked herself under Emmett's large arm, where she seemed to fit perfectly.

"Now we're just waiting for…" Even as Carlisle spoke, a breeze flowed through the room as bronze haired teen in a Chicago White Sox jersey and black jeans appeared and casually leaned on the doorway. "Edward."

Emmett glared at him impatiently. "What, did you have to fix your mascara too?"

Edward just smirked, "I heard Jasper trying to remember where his shirt was and Rosalie critiquing herself and planning for damage control. I knew it would take you all forever to get ready, so there was no reason to be here waiting before I had to be."

"Fine, whatever, can we just leave already." _Stupid, smug, irritating…Just wanted to make me wait. _Edward's smirk grew at his brother's grumbled thoughts. Emmett knew that they all enjoyed playing, even if none of them possessed his rabid enthusiasm.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

The Cullen's family baseball diamond was deep enough in the mountains that only the most accomplished of hikers even had a chance of coming across it. With their superior strength the 'PING!' of their aluminum bat upgraded to an echoing crack that mighty Casey would be jealous of. It was why they needed the cover of one of Forks regular thunderstorms, to mask the sound.

They'd been playing for nearly an hour when Alice's eyes glazed over, and she stilled before breaking out into a brilliant smile. "That is so _cool_!" She clapped her hands delightedly before turning to look intently at a random point off in left field. Edward stared at her in shock as she shared her vision with him.

"Oh, no! I'm not falling for that again." Emmett had refused to let Alice replace his wardrobe at the end of the school year, claiming that it was just fine the way it was. In revenge, Alice had taken to faking visions and tricking Emmett into reacting to things that would never happen. After the first dozen or so times she'd had him staring off into space like an idiot, he stopped trying to spot whatever she was looking for. He was up to bat and there was no way he was going to turn away from the plate, just so that she could pitch the ball while he was distracted.

Unfortunately for his future paranoia, a moment later there was a horrendous tearing noise that seemed to echo around the clearing. They all turned to look as, impossibly, a gaping hole ripped itself into existence in mid-air where Alice was watching. It hung there, totally unsupported and glowing, just a foot or so over head height. Edward stood only yards away and backed off quickly into the infield to join his gathering family.

They all held unneeded breaths as the portal (because it really couldn't be anything else) flared and a body fell out, hitting the ground with a dull thud. Before they could react (shock tended to act against vampire speed) the body had jumped upright and revealed itself to be a human man with shaggy brown hair. He was dressed in dusty old cargo pants, worn carpenters boots and a grungy looking, formerly-white collared shirt. He was loaded down with an arsenal of various weapons, bearing several knife sheaths at his hip and thigh and an impressive battle axe slung across his back. They got a clear view of it and his strong shoulders as he faced away from them and looked up at the now shrinking portal.

"Oh, I don't think so!" In an impressive show of human strength he jumped up and grabbed the sides of the crackling hole in reality and started to pull himself upwards into it. Corded muscle stood out in his arms as he moved, but the portal was shrinking too quickly and he wasn't going to make it before it closed around his waist.

Evidently he'd realized this as he lunged forward into the portal, reaching for something out of sight. He fell backwards, pulling a squealing form with him. It was vaguely humanoid but had slate grey skin covered in glowing blue markings. It thrashed around, trying to dislodge the human's hands from around it's oddly shaped head, but with his full body weight hanging from it, pulling back was impossible. The struggling -_thing's_- head was dragged fully through the rift even as it snapped closed around the straining neck, severing it with a crunch and a squelch that made Alice wince and Rosalie shudder.

The human landed solidly on his feet and hurriedly dropped the severed head in disgust. He looked around curiously, panting lightly and wiping his hands on his already dirt and ichor covered pants. He seemed to be deep in thought and in no hurry to turn fully around and notice them.

"What the hell was that?" Emmett was totally incredulous and just a bit upset that with humans falling out of the sky the baseball game was probably done for the night. On the other hand humans falling out of the sky had the potential to be much more interesting than their rare games. Not to mention the fact that he'd just witnessed the breaking of dozens of biology and physics laws. He'd been bored all week and looking forward to this game, why couldn't this have happened earlier, dammit!

They all watched as the human startled and turned to peek over his shoulder at them. He then whipped himself around, looked down at the gore and shuffled over a few steps to stand in front of the bodiless head. As if that really hid it. He was relatively young, late twenties at the most and stood at just under 6 feet or so, it was hard to tell exactly with his wildly mussed brown hair flying in every direction. His right eye was a rich chocolate brown, but his left had been replaced with a black eye patch, making his open, friendly face seem a bit sinister. He'd adopted a falsely innocent you-caught-me-but-I'll-never-admit-it look that none of them believed for a moment, especially since they could hear the panicked beating of his heart. His whole body was tense and he appeared to be barely containing the desire to raise his hands into the air as if they'd trained guns on him.

"That was, um..." He gave them a fake placating smile. "That was a hallucination brought on by inhaling natural gasses." At their skeptical looks he tried again. "I mean that was ah..." He faltered, trying not to make eye contact. "Experimental aircraft?" Still no reaction, "No? This is why I'm not in PR." He ran a harried hand through his hair making it stick up even more violently, "Stop me if anything sounds convincing... Downed weather balloon? Classified governmental project? Communist plot?"

He was getting a little desperate now, "Drugs in the water supply? Mass hypnotic event? Shared lucid dreaming?" Thinking hard he tried again with a quirky little smile at what had to be an inside joke, "Gangs on PCP?" When there was still no response, outside of blank stares, his shoulders sagged a little and he appeared to give up. "God, I wish I had a neuralizer." Jasper and Edward snorted at the movie reference.

He winced and almost whispered, "Alternate reality and dimension traveling demons?" He lifted his head from where he'd been studying his feet intently to meet the eyes of his impromptu audience. A mismatched big liquid brown eye had a wounded don't-hit-me look on it that wouldn't have been out of place on a puppy.

Jasper was the first to break the silence. "I'd say you can stop there. No matter how unbelievable it may be, it's better to tell the truth."

Rosalie turned on him in disbelief, "You believe him?"

"I can feel that he's telling the truth, Rose. You saw the same thing as the rest of us. Is there another explanation that makes more sense to you?"

"No, but.." she sputtered, "Alternate dimensions? DEMONS?"

"Is it really so hard to believe, especially considering what we are?" Carlisle spoke too softly for the human to hear, but clearly enough for his family to catch. In a louder voice he continued, "Scientifically speaking there is a high probability of other habitable planets, I imagine various human, and possibly demon filled dimensions wouldn't be impossible."

Rose looked for support among her siblings, but Emmett looked insatiably curious, Alice was ecstatic and bouncing lightly, Edward was impossible to read as always, inscrutable gold eyes trained on the human betraying no emotion, even Esme only looked concerned, as if she wanted to hug the displaced human. The other two had already turned traitor on her. Huffing heavily she crossed her arms and turned away slightly, not willing to believe, but curious enough to stay and hear what happened next.

The two legged puppy's eye flitted from one pair of bronze eyes to the next cautiously and with a bit of surprise. He really hadn't expected them to be so casually accepting about his 'origin story'. "Right then. Sorry for interrupting your," he took in their gear and clothing before his gaze flickered to the sky, "stormy... dark... night baseball playing." He paused for moment before deciding to ignore it and continuing, "I'm Xander. Well, really Alexander Harris, but only my birth certificate calls me that. Everyone else just uses Xander."

He had no room to question them; it wasn't like playing baseball in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a storm was weirder than literally popping into existence randomly and killing a demon. It was close… and a bit hellmouthy, but it wasn't –actually- weirder.

"It's nice to meet you, Xander." Alice chirped, "We're the Cullens. I'm Alice, your knight in shining Rangers jersey is my husband Jasper, the non-believer is Rosalie, her husband being the hulking giant Emmett and then there's the lovely Esme wife of the wanna-be astrophysicist Dr. Carlisle and last-but-not-least Mr. Dark-and-Broody is Edward." She pointed to each of her family members in turn.

Edward, wondering why she'd told the truth, rather than using their cover story of being siblings, tried to read her mind but couldn't get beyond her mental rendition of _It's Raining Men_. He growled at her lightly but she ignored him.

Xander considered each of the Cullens as they were introduced. Alice was nice, in that don't feed it after midnight kinda way. She seemed the type that might transform into something terrifying if the need arose or if some masochistic idiot decided to suicide by giving her sugar or caffeine. Jasper looked like someone had whacked him upside the head with a board, and then stuck it down the back of his shirt. He stood stiffly and was obviously uncomfortable about something, probably the lightshow and 'magical appearing man' trick. Oddly the two of them fit well together.

Rosalie reminded him far too much of Cordy, pre- and post-broom closet period. He shivered a little, if possible he was going to try and stay on her good side. Score so far Xander -1, always the underdog. If Emmett was her husband, then Operation: Ice Queen Diplomatic Immunity (O: IQDI) was definitely a high priority. He was HUGE. He seemed friendly enough, but a woman like Rosalie didn't date without having full control of the every move of her male slave.

His heart contracted painfully when he met Esme's warm gaze. She reminded him of Joyce. It wasn't in her appearance or anything, especially since she couldn't be older than 25, but she was just exuding a feeling of comfort and home. He imagined, if he could smell her, she'd have a scent of vanilla or cinnamon, something bake-able. He'd never had a decent mother figure growing up and had missed it sorely since Mrs. Summer's death. Apparently, Esme was just one of those born mothers; he could already see her plotting to feed him as her eyes considered him. Reluctantly, he turned to Carlisle. He was the oldest of the Cullens, but still younger than Xander by a few years. They considered each other for long moments. Obviously the good Doctor was in charge and his opinion of Xander mattered the most. He seemed to pass some sort of test as he met Carlisle's eyes squarely and with confidence.

Edward was just as dark and broody as Alice had claimed. His face was shuttered and closed, letting not even a glimpse of what he was thinking and feeling escape. Even so, he was probably the singular most attractive person Xander had ever seen. His hair was a gravity defying semi-tamed tangle with copper highlights that matched flecks of color in his amber eyes. He had a well built form, not as whipcord and lithe as Jasper, and not as built and impressive as Emmett, but somewhere in the middle, athletic and flexible. He seemed built for speed and maneuverability. Xander almost scowled when he realized that even though Edward was shorter than the other males in his family, he still trumped Xander's measly 5'11" by a good two inches. He was used to towering over his girls back home; Slayers, wiccans and dimensional keys were not built tall. Even Oz and Spike were shorter. It was rather uncomfortable to suddenly be taller than ONLY the girls. He felt a complex coming on. His eye met and held Edward's in much the same way he had with Carlisle. Only, now that he felt inferior, Xander's gaze held more than a hint of confrontation, as if he could challenge Edward for the honor of being second shortest.

As they glared at one another, something niggled at the edge of Xander's perceptions. His hellmouth detector was on high alert as he pieced things together. The Cullens were all incredibly attractive, deathly pale, held themselves too still, spoke like they were from another era and didn't seem at all threatened by him. They were cautious, yes, but they didn't seem worried that he might hurt them, even though he'd just killed right in front of them. Then there were the eyes. They all had various shades of gold in their eyes - though Jasper's were tinted red. Gold had never been his favorite eye color, reminding him too much of the burning sulfur color of vampires.

Even as the thought formed, he felt an uncomfortable pressure in his head. He'd gotten headaches frequently since the loss of his eye, but this was something different. It wasn't a stabbing pain, but felt more like someone was poking at and squeezing his brain. He turned away from Edward's piercing eyes and shook his head, trying to clear it. He felt something deep inside of him uncurl and cursed internally as he realized what it was.

Edward stared intently at the human as he tried to read his mind. Xander had a very open manner and seeing all of his emotions and thoughts displayed on his face almost distracted the mind reader from the fact that he couldn't actually hear them. He noticed the small bit of antagonism in the human's gaze and took it as a personal challenge, no matter how it was intended. So, he focused his mind on Xander and tried to listen carefully, when he still got nothing he started pushing, looking for a reaction. Unfortunately, the reaction he got wasn't anything like what he wanted.

A blast of power hit him squarely in the chest and forced him backwards a few yards, making him wobble uncertainly before he caught himself. Xander's head shot up instantly and Edward was skewered with an acid green eye full of anger. For the first time since he'd been changed, Edward was afraid.

The supposed human's voice was low and full of menace as he spoke, biting out words through a distinctly inhuman growl. "Stay out of my head. It's not a safe place to be, Edward. She's rather protective of me, and I've had bad experiences with thrall." Xander took a deliberate step back to show that he didn't mean any harm, even as the family facing him took defensive poses against him.

His growling subsided slowly as did the preternatural glow of his eye, even as they retained a green sheen. Xander sighed and took another step back, forcefully relaxing all of his muscles and holding his hands away from his body in a gesture of peace.

"Let's start this from the beginning again. I'm Xander, possessed human… more or less. And you are?"

Alice seemed the only one willing to take the lead. "Well, we're still the Cullens, and we're vampires." She was totally unconcerned as she gleefully blurted out the singular biggest secret the Cullens had. Jasper looked uncertain but when she patted his arm, sending comforting emotions to him, he relaxed a little. He pulled her tight against his chest to lend support against the anger and shock of the rest of the family.

"ALICE!" Rosalie was horrified. How could Alice just give away their secret like that? She'd betrayed them all. They'd have to kill the human and leave Forks now. If he even could be killed.

"Well that's just great." Emmett couldn't believe that she'd outted the whole family to the... _whatever the hell he is._

Edward was in shock. He'd just been attacked and Alice trusted his assailant with information that could destroy their whole family. He opened his mouth to yell at her, but was silenced when she met his eyes and sent the pointed thought that he had been the one to attack first and Xander hadn't done anything but protect himself. He hadn't even followed through once he had Edward off guard.

"Alice…" Carlisle started, disappointed. "You know how dangerous it is for us to reveal ourselves. You've not only put yourself in danger, but you've endangered all of us as well."

"But, Carlisle," She protested, "He's not going to hurt any of us. I saw him living with us and we're all going to learn to care for him." She glared at Rosalie. "All of us."

"I would never care for a human." Rosalie spat, even as Emmett restrained her physically.

Esme shook her head, "Even if that's true, Alice. You should have thought about our feelings before you said anything. Important decisions like this should be made as a family."

Xander who had been standing quietly during the uproar, waited until it had simmered down a bit before clarifying. "Undead, immortal, blood drinking, vampire-type vampires?" He dutifully resisted the urge to raise his hand to be noticed amidst the family argument. That and the near irresistible urge to try and be elsewhere, he'd had enough fights at home, thank you very much. He wasn't about to go borrowing angst from other people.

"What other type is there?" Rosalie snarled angrily, not bothering to look away from Alice. (O: IQDI Score Xander = -100 This wasn't looking good, he wished Alice would stop helping)

"Right." Xander shifted slightly away from them and turned his face up to the sky, ironically looking at the same spot the portal had been. "You really hate me don't you?" He started swearing at the dark, wet sky in several dozen different languages and dialects, surprising the vampires out of their argument. They all watched in shock as the bedeviled and slightly crazy human gestured wildly along with his vehement threats and disparagements. Jasper thought, "FUBAR. SNAFU." and "BOHICA!" sounded like they were probably military acronyms. Edward caught the distinctly British, "Bloody buggering FUCK!" Carlisle smiled a bit at a few choice Latin phrases. Alice thought the intonation of a few of the presumably derogatory comments sounded familiar from a National Geographic show she'd seen the night before on coming of age rituals in South African nations. Rosalie just stared at the human's strange reaction, attempting to ignore Emmett, who had enveloped her in a hug to try and calm her.

Esme frowned, distinctly unhappy about the flagrant use of profanities but felt that in the situation, using them to let off steam was acceptable. Besides he wasn't one of her children, so as much as she may want to, she really had no say in his actions. The second he gave her an opening though, she'd never let anything hurt him again. He was far too young to have such anger at the world.

Edward glanced at Esme, hearing her starting to formulate plans on how to get the stranger to accept her mothering. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. There was obviously something wrong with the human, he was as much of a monster as they were. How could he be trusted?

It took Xander several long minutes to exhaust his rather... _extensive_ vocabulary of swears, curses, invectives, insults and castigations. It spoke volumes about the true level of his maturity that they were always the first thing he picked up when traveling to new places. But he finally fell silent. Rubbing a hand tiredly over his eye patch he breathed in deeply and turned back to the vampires, eyeing Emmett's intimidating form with far more caution now that it posed a threat and sincerely hoping that Edward wasn't the type to hold a grudge. "So. Do you try and kill me now or is there torture first?"

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N: (I promise they won't all be this long)

Neuralizer - Device used in _Men in Black_ to remove the memories of anyone who witnessed alien activity that they shouldn't have

FUBAR – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition

SNAFU – Situation Normal: All Fucked Up

BOHICA – Bend Over Here It Comes Again (A terrible situation is about to get worse)

"It was a dark and stormy night"– Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Casey at the Bat – Ernest Lawrence Thayer

Esme is 26 in canon and Carlisle is 23. In this fic Xander is 27. His estimations of their ages doesn't mean I didn't do my research, it just means he's not all that great at judging ages.

I never watched and/or read the book before initially writing this chapter. Everything I learned, I learned from Fan-fiction. Eventually, I got so paranoid about getting the Cullen's characters totally wrong that I broke down and watched the movie. It didn't help much considering how little they actually showed up. I think it's hilarious that I unknowingly set Alice up as the pitcher, just like in the movie. I'll probably end up reading the books before I send them back to school, because I don't have much information on the students of Forks High, but I have all summer to play with them first.

Despite my plans that this be Edward/Xander, the boys really aren't getting along. Hell, Edward doesn't even want to talk and has no opinions or thoughts to share with the class. My mental Alice is doing all the work. Jasper's backing her up, Rosalie's pissed I dumped a human on her and STILL plan to bring Bella into the story and Emmett is just being a big snuggly teddy-bear that I can and will steal from Rose if she doesn't calm down and play nice soon. I don't know why Edward and Carlisle are so damned hard to write… probably since they're so old. There's just too much of a generation gap there. That's not good, I can't write this fic if half of my main pairing never talks, never interacts with the others and sits in the corner alone, growing mushrooms. I had to force Edward to talk, and he wouldn't stop glaring at my Xander shaped writer's minion.

Goes back and counts: Edward - 2 Sentences, Xander - 36 Sentences, 1 Rant

-Lightning_Skies shoves Edward into Xander's arms-

LS: "Here. Practice so it'll be easier later. Xander never shuts up and you never say anything, so try and balance it out."

E: "…"

Xander: "You're pairing me with HIM?! He's like an ANGEL CLONE. What with the brooding and the angst and the 'Oh, woe is me.' He thinks of himself as a monster and hides away from the world, brooding and playing overly moody music. I won't do it and you can't make me. –Crosses arms- And another thing…"

-Edward knocks Xander over the head with the bat-

E: "…"

LS: "…Right. We'll work on it some more when he wakes up."

E: "…"

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

4, 342 Words - 10 Pages - 05/04/09 [BETA - ForeversNobody 5/14/09]


	2. To Torture or Not to Torture

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers: Most of the bigger events in Twilight and BtVS, with alterations

Warnings: Slash, Het, NO Bella Bashing, Sexual situations, Some violence, Swearing

Pairings: Edward/Xander, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, Jacob/Bella?

Disclaimer: Neither Twilight nor Buffy is mine. However, my birthday is coming up in a few weeks and they're on my wish list, so I remain hopeful.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 2 – To Torture or Not to Torture =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

"So. Do you try and kill me now or is there torture first?"

Edward almost swallowed his tongue he was so surprised. This human was full of contradictions. He was obviously capable of violence, but couldn't manage a simple lie to cover for it, he was armed for heavy medieval warfare, but acted harmless and unassuming unless he was provoked (Edward felt a little guilty about that), he was obviously aware that he faced the ultimate predators and that he was nothing more than a tasty meal, but only asked when they planned to kill him. He wasn't even particularly afraid, simply curious about what their intentions were. Most frustratingly, he didn't seem to be hiding anything, but he was full of secrets and surprises that constantly blindsided Edward at every turn. The mind reader was irritated beyond measure that he couldn't extract the human's secrets from his protected thoughts. Beneath the resentment, Edward was intrigued and felt a niggling need to dissect and explore all of Xander's hidden facets. _He wouldn't be half as interesting if I could read his mind. _

"That's it?" He managed to ask, trying to ignore the fact that it may have come out a little squeaky. He would have to go about unraveling this particular mystery the long way, but Edward hadn't lived to his age without picking up other means of investigation. He didn't think the human was a danger to the family, right now he seemed to be more of a danger to himself, but it never hurt to make sure.

Xander looked at him funny, like he'd just asked about the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow. "What's it?"

"We tell you that we're vampires and all you want to know is if we plan on torturing you before we eat you?" Edward's voice was getting just a bit higher and faster as his distress grew. Luckily it wasn't enough that the human would notice. There was even an added and uncharacteristic arm wave that tried to emphasize his point. How could he be so unconcerned by this? They were having a casual conversation about _murdering_ him.

"Well, yeah. I thought it was a rather important point." Xander spoke slowly and patiently as he continued to goggle at Edward. Was the vampire really that dense? The questions of life and death were kinda vital to the soft, squishy and breathing. "I mean don't get me wrong, either way I was planning on fighting back. I just wanted to know how sadistic you are, since 7-on-1 isn't particularly good odds for me."

As Edward continued to stand there, completely appalled by the human's nonchalance, Alice couldn't take it anymore. She burst into a fit of giggles, earning baffled looks from both her brother and the mortal that was currently making his brain melt. Emmett's whooping laughter and Jasper's more subdued chuckles soon joined her. None of them had ever seen Edward so completely ruffled and off-kilter, and the human had managed it effortlessly. Esme and Carlisle glanced at each other and smiled, glad to see their children so mirthful and enjoying Edward's discomfort, ever so slightly. He was so self-contained; it was good to see him reacting in a more natural and unreserved way.

Rosalie grit her teeth and pursed her lips in stubborn determination to abort the smirk that was desperately trying to spread across her face. She couldn't, however, resist poking at Edward's tattered dignity. _You look like an idiot with your mouth hanging open in shock, brother dear. _The image of a frog with tousled golden hair and topaz eyes catching flies flashed across his mind as he shook off his confused stupor and glowered at his unrepentantly amused family.

Xander, meanwhile was totally mystified. To torture or not to torture, that was the question. It was a simple and very reasonable inquiry that would allow him to gauge their ruthlessness and prepare to react accordingly. Usually, it would prompt the response of a surprisingly informative monologue on favored torture techniques or, in the young and impatient, a swift lunge at the jugular. He may only be a walking happy meal on legs that had self-delivered, but it was still incredibly rude to laugh at him for wanting to know. He felt a strong urge to pout, but manfully shoved it back. They were already poking fun at him, acting like a teeny-bopper who broke a nail wasn't going to salvage his dignity.

"We're not gonna eat you, dude." Emmett finally took pity on Xander's growing indignation. "We're vegetarians."

It was Xander's turn to be stupefied as he gaped at Emmett. "You're WHAT? That has got to be the single weirdest thing I've ever heard, in a lifetime of Twilight Zone and Outer Limits moments. Vegetarian vampires? Whaddaya use your fangs to suck out the sap or something?" The vampires all found it hilarious that he'd punctuated his question by mimicking fangs with his fingers. "Maybe there _is_ some natural gas hallucinating going on, cuz I'm definitely hearing things."

"Vegetarian is just the term we use." Carlisle clarified. "We drink only the blood of animals."

"Oh." Xander was still a little wary, "Did you all get cursed? Or was it just one of you and this is a weird clan solidarity thing?"

The Cullens exchanged looks. "Cursed?"

"Yeah, vamps don't have souls," They all winced, it was something they often worried about and it hurt to hear him sound so assured that it was fact. "So they tend to not care enough about human life to bother with special diets. The only vamps I've ever known to drink animal blood willingly were fangless and deadboy." Seeing the looks they were giving him, he thought about what he'd said. "I mean Spike and Angel." Emmett mouthed the names to Jasper, who just shook his head as they shared mocking smirks. "They both got themselves cursed with souls and Spike still whines about wanting a pint or two of O-pos every Christmas… and on Thanksgiving and St. Patrick's Day, and really whenever someone walks into the room." He trailed off.

Emmett had to know, "-Angel- and –Spike-? Where did they come up with those horrible names? I thought vampires were only that theatrical in movies." He snickered.

"Well, they were born Liam and William. The Watchers diaries say that the first thing Liam did after being turned was to go back and kill his family. They'd held a funeral for him and buried his body, so his little sister asked if he'd been made an angel when she saw him. He apparently thought it was delightfully ironic and took the name Angelus for himself after he tore her throat out." Esme and Rosalie made mournful noises, Carlisle and Edward looked sick. Alice had wilted dispiritedly and Emmett was flexing his fists and looked like he wanted to avenge the unfortunate family. Xander thought he'd have to introduce Angel to him at the first possibly opportunity, it would be one hell of a show. Jasper tried to send out comfort in soothing waves, but his own emotions were a mess. How could someone, even a newborn, kill their entire family and delight in the destruction of an innocent to the degree that he'd named himself after it.

Xander wasn't unaffected by their reactions, but there was no nice way to explain it. "When Spike was alive he was a weak willed wallflower with a habit of writing terrible poetry. His social circle shunned him and called him William the Bloody, for his bloody awful work. When he was turned he decided he rather loved the name and wanted to live up to its promise. They were two of a quartet known to history as the Scourge of Europe. They murdered their way back and forth across the continent for nearly 20 years. About a century ago, Angelus ate the wrong gypsy and got cursed with a soul, causing their clan to fall apart. He was their patriarch and he'd decided that brooding about his formerly evil ways and eating rats was more important to him than his family. Spike was still young and he'd been left to try and protect his reality challenged sire by himself." Xander smiled in counterpoint to the horror story he was telling. "Dru is absolutely insane. She told me once that my face was like a poem and she could give me eternity. Called me her dark kitten and Spike told me she pouted for days when she wasn't allowed to turn me." Alice was sensitive about supposed insanity, but this woman sounded deserving of the title. She smiled reassurance at Esme's concerned look, even as Jasper squeezed her hand comfortingly.

He realized he was getting off topic and continued, "Spike once admitted that one of his peers loved to claim that she'd rather be killed with an iron spike to the brain than be forced to read anything he'd written. After Angelus became Angel, he needed to make a name for himself quickly so that no one would mess with him or Dru. He used that woman's comment as inspiration and started torturing his victims to death with railroad spikes. Eventually he renamed himself after his new modus operandi. He got his soul just a few years ago from a badly worded and overly vague request he made of a wish granting demon. He still complains about it. He was rather proud of being evil. I for one am glad that he's not going to be kidnapping me or threatening my life anymore. His plans were always crap anyways. Never worked. Probably because he is always too impatient to actually follow them. He's intelligent and cunning, but he's got the attention span of a toddler on crack." Xander was grinning wildly, remembering some of Spike's less than brilliant moments.

Carlisle noticed the inconsistency in Xander's story. "How was it that Liam came to be buried? I can't imagine he would willingly submit to being placed in a coffin, and the bloodlust of a newborn wouldn't allow him to lie still through an entire funeral."

"Huh? He was dead at the time obviously." When that didn't seem to clear anything up, he continued. "Y'know? Drained, fed some sire's blood and then after the heart stops you wake up a few days later a vamp?" They should already know all this.

Apparently they didn't though. The Cullens looked puzzled, as if he'd confidently declared that the sun revolved around the earth, indicating he'd missed something big. Unless… Xander could almost FEEL the light bulb illuminate. Apparently all those sci-fi reruns he watched in high school had actually taught him something.

"Oh, that's not fair. You can't just go changing the rules of vampirism right in the middle of the game." He considered the vampires before him with a glint of appraisal in his eyes and sighed before elaborating. "Different dimension, different rules. I was trying to play poker with chess pieces. So. Willing vegetarians. I'm taking that to mean you didn't lose your souls when you died, which means you're a totally different type of vamp from the one's we grow back home. Probably not even demonic in origin."

Carlisle was obviously relieved that they once again understood each other. "If Angelus and William are any indication, it would appear that we are indeed a different type of vampire from those you have previously encountered. I would love to discuss the various creatures you have seen at some point. It seems you have had some incredible encounters." Xander nodded absentmindedly, the doctor couldn't be any worse than Giles's interrogations about any and all new demon encounters.

"Carlisle and Emmett weren't lying when they said we don't eat people. It sounds like we're much more human than the vampires you've met before. It's so lucky that you came to us." Alice chirped. "We're actually a bit of a rarity in this world too. Most of the others drink human blood."

Xander smiled at her, he was really starting to like the little pixie. She reminded him of Willow. "Any day I spend not being the blue plate special is always of the good. Guess this means we aren't going to be fighting?" Carlisle nodded in confirmation. "Excellent. Tiny here looks like he could snap me in half by blinking." He gestured at Emmett, who blinked before grinning widely at the moniker. "I'm new to the dimension and you're the only people I know, so I'd hate for awkward violence and death seeking to come between us. I'm not sure about my taste-ability anyways. With my luck you'd bite and then spit me back out."

"Why would you taste different from any other human?" Edward was determined to find out what was wrong with this human. He was obviously mentally unbalanced and had some weird telekinetic power. Perhaps that was why he didn't fear vampires, he was sincerely that confident in his abilities.

"Well, as you may have noticed, I'm possessed by an Alpha level hyena primal." Xander spoke ironically, as if there was any chance that they'd missed his rather spectacular display against Edward. "She's pretty protective of me." Edward thought he heard a softly growled _Cub_.

"I was cursed with her back in high-school and she took over totally for about a week. There was a whole gang of possessed kids, and I was the leader." He made a face, "We terrorized the school, ate the mascot and my pack tore apart the principal. Luckily at that point I'd been knocked out and locked up by my friends. They exorcised us all and we went on with our lives. Only, it turns out that my hairy little friend is pretty much an animal god, she really can't be forced to do anything she doesn't want to, and she likes me too much to leave. She showed up again a few years back and staked me out as her territory."

"She and I are currently taking a month's vacation to wander Africa. It's always felt like home. That's where we were when I decided to take a trip down the rabbit hole." Xander shivered slightly in his now soaked and mud covered safari outfit. He hadn't planned on a climate change when he dressed that morning. "I'm obviously nowhere near the Equator anymore, you don't really have European accents, and you're speaking English so, I'm guessing Canada? New England, maybe?"

"Washington, actually. Welcome to Forks, Washington." Alice mimed a curtsey.

"Charmed, I'm sure." He sketched a bow back at her. "It's nice to be back in the US, and so close to home. Africa may call to me, but I'll always be a born and bred So-Cal boy."

"No jokes about the name?" Emmett was disappointed. He loved jokes about the stupidity of naming a town after silverware.

"I grew up in a town located over a hellmouth and populated by things that'd make Lovecraft cry for his mother. It was called Sunnydale. I'm not in the position to go making fun of other people's hometowns."

"So, the reason I can't get in your head is because it would be like entering the hyena's den uninvited and she'll attack?" Edward had never heard of primals, but if the blast earlier was any indication, they weren't to be trifled with. Knowing why he couldn't hear the human was the first step in figuring him out.

"Yup." Xander confirmed brightly, "We're pretty much on a time share now, I let her stay in my head and do her little over-protective thing and she keeps to the rules the landlord sets. It works out for everyone. She likes fiddling around with my body though, so I really don't qualify as 100 percent human anymore. Apparently, I'm not strong or fast enough for her tastes and it bothers her to be stuck with a human's blunt sense of smell. I think she views me as a sort-of fixer upper, in need of remodeling. She's been at it a few years and I'm about borderline Olympic at this point." Xander shrugged, mystical upgrades were hard to come by without some heavy duty prices to pay, so he wasn't complaining. Carlisle was fascinated that a spirit could cause human mutation and transformation.

"… and then there's the fish thing." The wind shifted as Xander spoke, setting him upwind. The damp and drizzle had previously been keeping his scent muted, but the wind drifted it over to the vampires. The reaction was immediate.

Edward's eyes drifted shut as took a deep, savoring breath and shifted forward, leaning towards the source of the unbelievable scent filling his lungs. They snapped open a second later, coal black with inner fury as his whole body went painfully rigid. In an instant he was reduced from a thinking, feeling being to a base creature of instinct and carnage. He was the fastest one here. He could circumvent them all easily and have his teeth deep in Xander's neck before any of them could react. Once he bit, there would be nothing the others could do and that warm blood would be all his. He would savor it of course. Nothing that smelled that good should be wasted; it had to be appreciated and enjoyed slowly. It would cause the human more pain that way, but if the taste matched the scent then it would be well worth it. Edward was lost in a sea of different possible versions of Xander's death. Alice gasped as some of the more feasible ones became possible futures. Seeing them mirrored in her thoughts made them in turn more appealing to him and more probable. She saw them solidifying and soundly shut him out by refusing to look into the near future. _Edward no!_

_Stop! _Carlisle quickly stepped into his peripheral vision and Edward's wrathful eyes snapped to his father figure's concerned pair for a moment. Some unheard message was passed between the two, and whatever the result, it caused Edward to recoil back from Xander violently and abruptly cease breathing. The entire clan shifted so that he was placed at the back, with all six members between himself and the human. His eyes continued to track every minute movement Xander made, burning with sudden hatred.

Xander was startled by the fury evident on Edwards face. "Are you ok?" The glazed and darkened eyes didn't even flicker as they glared holes into him, making him shiver. Extending a concerned hand he approached Edward, but the copper haired boy snarled and backed away quickly. Completely baffled by the abrupt change in the previously amicable atmosphere, and a little hurt by Edward's reaction, he turned to Carlisle and the others. "Is he alright? Did I say something insensitive? The girls are always telling me 'Xander, you've got to start thinking things through before you blurt them at the innocent and unsuspecting general populace...'"

The Cullens all glanced at Jasper who had a lesser snarl on his lips as he rubbed at his chest. He had taken a step back from Xander and Edward, looking warily from one to the other. "It's not you. Not really. He's reacting to your scent." Jasper himself was feeling a lesser attraction to the brunette's blood as well as being highly aware of the intense pull on Edward. Both were calling him to take the human. Hearing Jasper's thoughts, Edward growled at him, asserting dominance and a claim on the mortal.

Xander not-so-discretely sniffed at himself and made a face. "It's not my fault I stink! I mean you try trekking all over the African continent and staying daisy fresh… Well, actually you could probably do it, being sweat-less vamps and all. But not me. Measly stinky mortal here, the basic combo package of human-ness didn't include air fresheners. There's not much I can do about it, y'know other than shower and deodorize. No reason to go all cave-vamp on me." He was a little indignant. -_I mean seriously who gets that pissed about hygiene?-_

Alice rubbed soothing circles on Jasper's back with Esme hovering nearby as Emmett and Carlisle moved to flank Edward, ready to grab him if he went for Xander's throat.

Rosalie just snorted disdainfully, her nose in the air. Both figuratively and physically. "You really do stink. But that's not what he meant. Normal humans give off a smell of food - tempting, but bearable. Sometimes, it's more... intense. Some humans smell so good that they may as well be destined to be eaten. Your blood is practically calling to him, offering the best meal he could ever have. He wants to devour you, human. He's holding himself back from tearing you apart limb by limb and draining all your blood." Her vivid description did nothing for Edward's fraying self control. She watched the mortal smugly waiting for the predictable reaction to her proclamation.

Apparently she hadn't been paying attention, because Xander was nothing if not unpredictable. To Rosalie's dismay, her scathing rebuttal didn't exactly have the desired effect on the human. Rather than fearing for his life or breaking down into tears, as most victims of her verbal abuse did, he just got a dawning look of comprehension.

"OOOOHHH! He wants to eat me. Why didn't you just say that?" Even Edward and Jasper, distracted as they were, looked a little startled at his calm acceptance. "Demon magnetism at it's finest. I can work with that. Just hold on a second... I think I had..." He totally ignored the still suffering vampires not half a dozen feet away from him and started patting down his numerous pockets while muttering to himself. "Where the hell did I put…?" The entire group just watched him with expressions ranging from curious bemusement to shock and trepidation. Edward growled low in his throat, the monster in him wanted the human focused solely on him. Xander should have been either fleeing in terror or screaming in pain by now. He definitely shouldn't be ignoring him totally. He growled louder, hoping to attract the mortal's attention.

Instead he gave a barely audible "Aha!" as he finally found whatever it was he was looking for. When he held it up triumphantly the Cullens stared incredulously.

"What exactly are you going to do with a marker?" After all the dramatic buildup, Esme couldn't help but ask. She kept her voice much more polite and friendly than any of the others could have managed. Even Alice wanted to try and shake some self preservation into the clueless mortal. Edward had very finely tuned control, but no one was perfect. She didn't see him hurting Xander, but that decision could change in a moment. _You'll be okay, Edward… _

"It's a -Magic Marker-" He declared, voice full of mysticism and wonder. "Well, not really. It's a Sharpie, but whatever." He popped the cap off and started scribbling on his bare forearm.

Rosalie just couldn't help herself, "And...?"

"Huh? Oh. AND... with it I can do this." With a flourish he finished doodling what looked like a series of Chinese or possibly cuneiform characters written by someone with cerebral palsy. Seven sets of preternaturally sharp vision pierced his arm, as if expecting it to try and sneak away. Although, admittedly, Edward was probably watching the pulse of the delicate veins just under the skin instead. Nothing happened. Meanwhile, Xander just looked confused. "Um.. what was it again Even.. Evno... Evanesco olere!"

Everyone winced as Xander held his arm out, face averted when the black writing flared with bright light for a moment and faded back to black, while keeping an unnaturally bright shine. Edward sighed in relief as the scent faded near immediately. He still had visions of how he could best enjoy Xander's death, but they weren't as vivid now that the scent wasn't actively tempting him. In fact… he inhaled deeply; the human was much less appetizing now that he was standing there without the scent wreathing him. The fantasies of dead bodies and flowing blood stopped. It wouldn't be satisfying at all to kill him now, without that wonderful aroma. It was that thought more than anything else that made the human safe again, for now. Edward felt the monster inside him loose interest. He wouldn't risk wasting the chance to enjoy that scent by killing its bearer while it was masked.

"My own personal stink-be-gone. Helpful in situations involving anyone and anything you don't want sniffing you out, angry kitten poker players who think you've cheated and for that third week without a river when you start to seriously consider Eau de elephant dung as the lesser evil to your own bodily perfume." Xander seemed proud of his trick. "Willow created it for me. The big mojo goes wonky around me, but little charms and things are fine."

He looked at Jasper and Edward, both of which seemed far more relaxed now. "Better?"

Jasper looked at him gratefully, "Much, thank you."

Edward on the other hand wasn't so happy about it. He stepped forward and used his marginally better height to lean over Xander in an intimidating manner. "I was about to EAT YOU! And what did you do, you stood there like an MORON and WAITED FOR IT! Are you really so STUPID that you can't recognize when your life is in danger? Do you have ANY idea what I wanted to do to you?" He was panting for breath he didn't really need. Jasper recoiled from him again; he'd never felt Edward get so angry about anything before. He turned to Carlisle questioningly, but the older man was watching the confrontation with an unreadable look on his face. _What was it about this human that could rouse such strong emotion in Edward?_

Esme had a small amused smile on her face. She really liked this boy; no one else had ever pulled Edward so far out of his shell before. He cared deeply for the whole family, but even with them he was cool and distant. His anger was usually disdainful, not this passionate tempest.

Xander glared up at him, totally unafraid of his height or his supernatural powers. "Don't YOU yell at ME!" He shouted in the vampire's face. "I FIXED it, didn't I? I HAD a solution, 'Eddie' and I USED it. I'm only HUMAN you absolute IDIOT. Running would have gotten me NOWHERE, and the thrill of the chase may have made things even WORSE for you. I have survived things FAR more terrifying than *YOUR* *RUMBLY*-*TUMBLY*." He poked Edward roughly in said tummy to punctuate each of his words. He couldn't hurt the vampire at all, but Edward still flinched at the feeling of the near boiling skin against his ice cold flesh. He could feel the warmth burning him, even through his shirt. Alice hid a smile behind her hand and turned into Jasper's shoulder quivering with barely contained laughter.

Rosalie loved to see Edward finally knocked down a peg, even if it was by a human. She watched the fun avidly, enjoying every moment. She might never see him loose his temper this badly again, so she had to make the memory last. Emmett grinned. He hadn't thought there was a human in existence capable of looking one of them full in the face without running, and here one was; tiny as a girl, no depth perception and the self preservation instinct of a lemming, and he was –winning- an argument with Edward. He was winning an argument with Edward, -while- quoting Winnie the Pooh. This was priceless.

Xander opened his mouth to continue his tirade when his peripheral vision went grey. He wavered a little on his feet and Edward's angry look turned into one of concern. "I think.." He managed a little uncertainly. "I think I've got a bit of dimensional jet-lag." He was visibly unsteady now, swaying alarmingly as the edges of his vision blurred and went dark. "I'm fairly sure you're not supposed to be triplets." He pointed a wobbly finger slightly to the left of where Edward stood, declared "I need to sit down." and toppled over backwards.

Edward caught him carefully before he could land awkwardly on the battle axe strapped to his back as Carlisle and Esme rushed forward to determine what was wrong. Edward shifted his grip on the human to allow Carlisle to check him over, but there was something more than mud on his hands when he pulled them away from Xander's back. "Carlisle, he's bleeding." None of them could smell it with the spell in place, but the back of his shirt was starting to darken with blood.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" – Question the bridgekeeper asked King Arthur at the Bridge of Death in _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

To torture or not to torture, that was the question. – Spoof of Shakespeare's "To be or not to be, that is the question" from _Hamlet_ Act 3, Scene 1

H.P. Lovecraft – Horror/sci-fi author. He's most famous for his works on the Necronomicon and Cthulhu.

Evanesco - Stolen from _Harry Potter_, the vanishing spell. Latin evanesco meaning "to vanish"

Olere – I wanted to stick with the _Potter_ theme so I pulled out my old Latin books. Latin olere meaning "to smell"

Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne – A story about a bear that is constantly hungry for honey. He often wanders around with his empty 'hunny' pot saying things like "I've got a rumbly in my tumbly."

Don't expect all of my updates to be this quick. I actually wrote the scent scene first and then worked backwards to the opening of the story. Edward's scenting Xander was my inspiration to write the fic. Whereas Bella was scared of Edward's reaction, Xander just takes it in stride as the demon magnet he is and moves on. This is the basis for what I'm going to be doing with their relationship. With Bella, Edward was curious but thought she was a boring human until he got to know her; she was pretty much a typical and fragile human. He was constantly gentle and protective of her. With Xander it's the exact opposite. Edward is intrigued because Xan totally infuriates and frustrates him at every turn, he'll feel those same protective instincts (which is what made him yell at Xan in this chapter) but Xander is in no way a damsel in distress and he won't take Edward's chivalry well.

I ended up reading the leaked Midnight Sun preview to help understand Edward better and I think it helped immensely. Thanks to Firefly-chan for the suggestion on that. Cyber cookie for you!

-Lightning_skies looks at the unconscious Xander and then at Edward-

LS: "Didn't we do this gag already?"

E: "It wasn't me!"

LS: "… You CAN talk!"

-Lightning_Skies bursts into happy tears and hugs Edward-

X: -Bleeds-

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

4,793 Words - 11 Pages - 05/06/09 [BETA – ForeversNobody 5/14/09]


	3. The Strategy of Left

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers: Most of the bigger events in Twilight and BtVS, with alterations

Warnings: Slash, Het, NO Bella Bashing, Sexual situations, Some violence, Swearing

Pairings: Edward/Xander, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, Jacob/Bella?

Disclaimer: Neither Twilight nor Buffy is mine. 5 bucks to anyone willing to give them to me though. Go ahead and think it over.

I'm making a note of this before it gets confusing. I occasionally use italics for emphasis mid-sentence but for the most part italics indicate thoughts that Edward can read. Xander's thoughts will be demarcated with additional dash marks, unless Edward manages to hear them.

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts _

-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 3 – The Strategy of Left =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

For the average adult male, awakening from a deep sleep starts with the revival of consciousness followed by a relatively slow period (20-30 min) of stimulation of awareness as a higher rate of blood flow to the brain is established. It has often been noted, however, that it is possible for those in highly stressful situations, such as living in combat zones or other dangerous and high adrenaline causing settings to reduce that period to a mere instant.

Xander's eye snapped open as he vaulted headfirst from sleep into wakefulness. His eye tracked wildly around the room, noting all possible entrances and exits, viable weaponry and looking for clues as to his location. A similar inventory was being taken of his person. He was laying on his stomach on a rather nice daybed, in a tastefully decorated room. He couldn't see much from where he lay, but as mornings after went, he didn't feel too bad. No headache, light sensitivity and cottonmouth, so that meant he hadn't been drinking with Spike. No chains and dank dungeon décor so he hadn't been taken hostage for some nefarious ritual or another. The walls weren't made of dirt or stone and he didn't feel groggy or concussed, so he probably hadn't been knocked out, dragged home and stuffed in the pantry of something's nest. These were all good things. He gently propped himself up on one elbow, testing for new injuries with small movements, and noticed with some surprise the expertly tied bandages around his torso. Running a hand gently over the wrappings, he mentally made a note to thank someone for that and let his attention move on.

He was wearing unfamiliar clothing, the slightly off fit indicating it was someone else's and not expressly intended for him. A fairly high-quality cotton, sky blue button-up covered his shoulders but was left open, presumably for easy access to his bandages. Black jeans hugged his hips a little too tightly and trailed over his feet, so it was a taller, skinnier someone. Struck by a sudden thought he quickly unzipped his pants and sagged in relief when he found his own rubber ducky boxers underneath. No one was allowed into the Xander shaped playground without permission. Also it was closed to children after dusk. Xander winced at the tastelessness of his thoughts before berating himself. – _Seriously? That wasn't funny, stupid. Thank god no one was here and you didn't say it out loud_.-

Assured that everything was intact, working and un-tampered with, he went back to looking at his surroundings. There really wasn't much there, other than a massive collection of CDs, records and old, well used books. There was a nice set of wooden French doors by his head that seemed to lead straight outside, without a porch or balcony in sight. They were propped open letting the sounds of a typical mountain habitat flow into the room. _-Mountains?-_ Xander frowned, wasn't he in Africa?

He rolled smoothly off of the day bed, but the graceful movement halted when, instead of hitting the floor, his feet landed squarely on his boots, placed neatly by his side as he'd slept. Now, Xander was a creature of dubitable balance on the best of days, so this unexpected obstacle threw any hope of dignity right out the window. Fortunately, through some creative wind-milling, flailing and hopping he managed to catch himself from loosing his entire body out that selfsame floor to ceiling window. He gasped a little as liquid fire rolled through him, burning from his fingertips to his toes and echoing back, _-OW! Gentle with the original packaging, priceless collectable here. No more gymnastics. Please and thank you - _He froze briefly, arms held awkwardly; staring wide-eyed at the idiot reflected in the glass, heart pounding and listened to see if his spontaneous interpretive dance routine had attracted any attention. He strained his ears, but didn't hear anything.

At least with his boots he had a familiar weapon, since all of his others were gone. He grieved over the loss of his axe for a moment. That axe had seen the downfalls of Glory and Sunnydale with him. It was an old friend. Moving quietly he grabbed his boots and pulled out his boot knife, another old favorite. It wasn't overly large at just over seven inches, with a fold out handle, but it slipped carefully into a specially constructed sheath in the heel seam of his tall laced carpenter boots. It had come through for him in many situations where he'd been stripped of all other weapons; demons and vamps apparently never watched action/adventure movies. There was _always_ a boot knife; or a laser watch - in cases where the escapee was British.

Right, so he was alive, awake and armed. It was always good to have triple A in emergency situations. The French doors did in fact lead directly outside - do not pass go, do not try to fly as you fall from the third story. He was going to need another exit. So he turned to see what was behind door number two. He didn't think it was going to be a fabulous new car, but he could hope. The knob turned easily in his hand, thankfully enough - lock picking had never been one of his talents. A white painted hallway stretched out in front of him leading to another few nondescript white doors and turned off to the left as it continued past 'his' room. There were no glowing Exit or Your Doom Here signs, so there was nothing suggesting he go either way. Xander felt like the main character in a choose-your-own adventure book. _-To go straight, turn to Page 76-_ He hoped most of the endings led to happily ever after. The last time he'd tried to read one of those books he'd ended up drowned, frozen in ice, encased in living crystal for the rest of eternity and thrown off a cliff, before he gave up.

Deciding to take the same approach to this house that he took to most dungeons and video games, he went left first. If he didn't find anything he'd circle around again and try one of those doors. He needed to get to the ground floor and he'd didn't think stairs would be behind a doorway, unless they were basement stairs, or if he was in the Winchester House. He hadn't put on his boots, opting for silence over protection. They'd make far too much noise on the hard wooden flooring. He'd put them on once he was outside.

It turned out that the strategy of Left had come through for him once again as he quickly found a set of stairs. It was oddly enough decorated with a large arrangement of graduation caps. _-Who collects graduation caps?-_ Xander didn't even know where his was, although he couldn't really ever display it anyways. He'd gotten too close to the flame-thrower's line before setting off the explosives and had gotten his cap and gown ash covered and singed. The tassel had melted a bit and the cardboard in the cap was warped and refused to lie flat. He peered down the stairwell cautiously before making his way quietly downstairs.

It was times like these that he was glad of his soldier memories. Pre-halloween Xander was a klutz of the highest order; post-halloween Xander was an exceedingly well trained black-ops klutz of the highest order. He had years of experience of being sneaky, silent and coordinated shoved in his head and when he concentrated on emulating the movements of his soldier counterpart he was actually really good at it. He was near silent as he stepped off the stairs and continued down another hallway.

Near silent or not, apparently all the sneaky black-ops moves in the world weren't enough to fool a vegetarian vampire's senses. Xander almost had a heart attack when he heard a quiet voice from right behind him, where there shouldn't have been anyone or anything that _could_ talk. "I feel like I should be humming the Mission Impossible theme for you."

Before he could catch himself, he was moving on instinct, whirling around and hurling his knife through the air, aimed squarely at Edward's face. The vampire looked surprised, but casually deflected the knife into the wall with one hand, where it stuck quivering with force, impaled several inches deep into the wooden paneling.

Xander sagged in the wake of his heart-stopping adrenaline rush, "Don't DO that!" He rubbed at his chest for a moment before realizing exactly who he was talking to, "Oh, it's just you." The events of the day before came rushing back to Xander. Portal, mind reader, vegetarians, Forks, -magic marker- and triplets. Right. This was probably the Cullens' house. Mystery solved by a Scoobie once again. "Almost forgot about you."

"Forgot about me?" Edward's eyebrows were making a valiant attempt to scale his pale marble 'rockface' into his hairline. He knew the human hadn't been awake, but Edward felt like the last day was etched into his memory.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"Carlisle, he's bleeding." Edward felt something in his chest clench a little at the thought of Xander being hurt badly. _Probably just worried he'll let it all drain away before I can drink any._ He bitterly mocked himself. He had no right to worry about the human's wounds when not ten minutes ago he was planning his gruesome death. Xander just seemed so much smaller and more fragile when his expressive face was slack and his eye was closed cutting off Edward's view of the constant stream of his emotions. It felt like silence echoed around them as that previously insuppressible mouth finally lay quiet.

"I can't treat him out here. We'll need to wash the mud out of whatever wounds he has and dress the area with dry bandages." As Carlisle spoke, Edward felt the human start to shiver slightly in his arms. It didn't seem right that he could radiate such searing heat and still be cold. He only hoped it wasn't the type of cold caused by blood loss. He searched Xander's exposed extremities for any sign that they were paling or turning blue. He was lost without his sense of smell. With the muck and rain pooled around them and no sensory input he couldn't accurately determine how much blood the mortal was loosing. It scared him to be so helpless.

"We'll need to get him warmed up soon as well." Esme's concerned eyes had noticed the small tremours.

"Edward you'll have to take him home. We can't take him to the hospital; he won't have insurance or viable identification." Carlisle thought quickly, making a mental list of what he might need to treat his new patient and planned house guest.

Rosalie protested, "Why should we have to take him in and take care of him. Let him die out here. He's just a human."

Alice glared at her, "How could you say that. He's been nothing but courteous to you and you want to leave him to die? I can tell you right now that it's not going to happen. There is no possible future that does NOT include us bringing him home. The only difference is whether or not you stall them long enough to make him run out of time." Edward stiffened at the idea that the human might die. _Carlisle would turn him if that happened, Edward. _He wasn't sure he liked that any more than the thought of Xander dying.

Rosalie didn't have to read minds to know what Alice had seen. The doctor's compassion was the whole reason why she'd brought Emmett to Carlisle when he was bleeding to death. She looked up at her mate; he was hugging her with all of his incredible strength as he watched Edward cradle the unconscious mortal in his arms carefully. She knew that he didn't see Xander and Edward, but instead saw himself dying in her arms. He would try to understand her if she continued to object, but he would be hurt, imagining that in some way she regretted what she'd done for him. It was that thought, rather than any concern for the human that convinced her to hold her tongue. She wasn't happy about it, but she nodded at Alice and stepped back. Without a word she turned and left, bringing Emmett with her. It was only hurting them to see this parody of their past.

Carlisle had been silent during the exchange but now he spoke quickly. "Edward, I want you to take him home and start to get him warm and dry, Esme will meet you there. I will have to stop by at the hospital for medical supplies; we've never needed to stock the house before. Alice and Jasper, I want you to go to the store and purchase food for our new guest. I don't know how long he'll be with us. Alice use your judgment and whatever you can see to decide how much we'll need. We can always go out again later. Being seen shopping for food regularly can only help us."

They all streaked off into the woods in different directions. Jasper watched Alice quietly as he ran, concerned for the roiling emotions she felt. He could feel the attachment she already felt for the human and admitted that he held a spark of fondness himself. It wasn't the first time he wished he could see her visions like Edward could, but he knew that if she wanted to talk about it she would.

A few minutes and miles later her emotions cleared a bit. She turned and smiled at him, "He's going to be fine, Jazz. He'll be with us at least all summer and we're all going to grow attached to him. Although, Rosalie is never going to admit to it, out loud. " She giggled, "Poor Edward, he's not going to know what to do with himself. You should see it Jasper, you'll love it. Xander's going to have him all wrapped in knots and totally confused. What do you think he likes to eat? I wish I knew what his favorite foods are." Jasper just smiled back at her, relieved that she was feeling better. It seemed that if the mortal wasn't careful he was going to find himself in a house full of mothers - both female _and_ male.

Edward couldn't remember the run home. He remembered Carlisle telling him to take care of Xander, remembered lifting the human in his arms and leaving the baseball clearing, but it seemed he'd hardly blinked before he found himself in sight of their house. It had all passed in a haze of thought, he was probably lucky he hadn't run straight past the house, or into a tree. Edward gently held the human as he made his way upstairs and put him on a blanket on the daybed in his room, not even considering that he should be put somewhere else. He turned up the rarely used thermostat and started running a hot bath, he was gathering towels and an extra set of clothing when Esme came in.

"Edward, depending on his injuries he may not be in any shape to take a bath." She spoke gently. "We'll have to see what Carlisle says, but for now we can get him out of those wet clothes and try to clean him up a bit."

Edward nodded silently and retrieved a large bowl from their unused kitchen. He filled it with hot water from the bath and grabbed the towels and clothes. He returned to his room, as Esme quickly and efficiently stripped their guest of his considerable arsenal of weapons. She had to roll the human onto his side gently to get at some of the clasps but eventually a soaked pile of leather straps, sheathes and blades stood separate from their patient. Esme gathered them all up and moved to dump them out in the hallway to get them out of the way.

Edward took her place and gently unbuttoned Xander's shirt. He peeled the rain, mud and blood soaked shirt off of him slowly. He wasn't sure if the blood had set yet and didn't want to further injure the delicate body beneath his hands. He heard Esme come back in the room just as he pulled the shirt off of one shoulder to reveal the human's back. Distantly he heard her gasp, but he was too distracted by the patchwork skin he'd uncovered. The majority of the brunette's back was obscured by bloody bandages that looked to be made strips of an old t-shirt. They started just under his shoulder blades and weren't very neat. It was likely that Xander had probably wrapped them himself, rather than any medical expert.

What held his attention however was the space above the bandages. The relatively small swath of skin between Xander's shoulders was scarred beyond belief and told of a life of warfare. The nature of the scars was just as horrifying as their prolificacy. With his sharp eye he picked out the individual marks left by all different sizes and shapes of blades, claws and teeth. He saw burn scars and what could only have been acid damage eaten away from the flesh. Some of them were large and deep enough he wondered how Xander had survived the injuries long enough to form scars.

As Edward stared, frozen in sheer horror, Esme removed the human's pants and boots. She toweled off his shaggy hair gently without removing his eye patch. It was too personal for her to invade that privacy without permission. She dipped the towel in the near boiling water and sponged off Xander's feet and legs tenderly with all the caring of a mother for her newborn baby. When that was done she found a soft woolen blanket and draped it over him, pulling it up to his waist. She joined Edward in reading the stories etched into his skin.

With one finger she lightly traced the arc of a row of particularly deep teeth marks circling his left shoulder. There was probably a matching set on the front. Something large had nearly taken off his entire arm. "So much pain and suffering for someone so young. How can he continue to smile and joke?" Her voice held more than a hint of a sob. She blinked rapidly and had she been capable of crying she would have been. She wanted to bundle him up and hide him away from the cruelty of the world that had done this to him. _He's home now._ She would never let him return to his former dimension, not if she had any say in it. _He's one of ours now. We'll keep him safe._ Edward silently agreed with her.

Carlisle finally arrived, laden with various emergency medical supplies. He was fully immersed in his role as a doctor and didn't hesitate to push his family out of the way. He cast a clinical eye over the scarring, but ignored it for now. None of it was currently threatening his patient. With efficient movements he cut away the old bandages and exposed the wounds beneath to the air. Esme gasped and Edward reeled back against the wall heavily.

Xander's back in its entirety was even more striking than what they'd seen so far. But most vivid was the four parallel claw marks raked diagonally from just under his shoulder blade across the small of his back to his waist. They were held sloppily together with terribly unprofessional looking stitches, and the two middle, larger ones had obviously become infected when they weren't sterilized before being sealed. Some of the improper stitches had been pulled loose and a mixture of blood and milky fluid was welling up from the wounds. It had to have been agonizing. Xander must be incredibly strong willed to be able to act and move naturally with such trauma. _Or he has experienced so much pain that he is accustomed to bearing it_, Edward heard Carlisle assess sadly.

Without hesitation, Carlisle started cutting the stitches off and peeled the wounds open. They had only been healing for a day or two, so he didn't have to damage the skin too much to get them reopened. He started pushing roughly on the edges of the gaping wounds, forcing out the built up pus and infection. Esme carefully tucked towels under Xander when the abuse made the bleeding worse. When he was finally satisfied that the cuts were cleared out, Carlisle cleaned them methodically and re-sutured the gashes properly. He left the smaller wounds as they were, but decided that he'd keep an eye on them as well.

Esme went to get rid of the dirtied towels and re-filled their water bowl. She handed Carlisle a wet cloth on her way back to Xander's side, where she resumed her self-appointed task of cleaning her newest adoptee, rinsing the blood off of him with infinite care. Carlisle wiped the blood off of his hands as he spoke, "He'll be fine. The blood loss isn't a danger. I'd say he lost consciousness as a combined effect of pain, shock and exhaustion. The infection was already taxing his system and he pushed himself too far with the manifestation and magic. Both are likely to draw on internal energies. I don't imagine he was unaffected by traveling dimensionally either. He's got an incredible will; he'll probably be back on his feet and far more active than he should be soon. With his personality, I'd be surprised if we didn't have to make Emmett sit on him to keep him still." Carlisle smiled at the alleviation of the somber mood in the room and left.

Edward slid down the wall to a sitting position. He felt something unclench and relief shone in his eyes. He felt lighter somehow, as if Xander's survival was of some integral importance to him. Esme patted him on the shoulder gently as she finished washing and wrapping Xander's wounds. Tucking the blanket up around his chin, she cleared all the towels and extra bits of bandage and left, closing the door behind her gently.

Edward watched as Xander shifted from unconsciousness to a more natural sleep. Hours later, the human started shifting uncomfortably, a sheen of sweat glistening on his face. Edward immediately got up to turn down the thermostat and realized that he still held the change of clothing. He gently removed the heavy woolen blanket, marveling at the sheer scalding temperature of the bared skin. Edward trailed his fingers lightly across the heated expanse as he pulled the arms one by one into their sleeves. Xander sighed and pressed into the cool touch making Edward smile slightly.

The pants were a bit more of a chore; they were much tighter, causing Edward's hands to come into contact with the tanned legs quite a bit. At least that's the reason he gave himself. He swallowed heavily as he tugged them up around Xander's waist. Venom pooled in his throat, but he didn't want to bite. No, he would be content just licking, tasting… Edward shook himself roughly. He was not going to go around molesting unconscious humans. He quickly zipped and buttoned the jeans, hiding those ridiculous boxers and the temptations they held.

He resumed his silent vigilance until midmorning, when Xander's breathing and heartbeat shifted to near wakefulness. Quickly Edward opened the doors to the outside and perched himself in a nearby tree, settling himself just out of sight as Xander woke.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"So, where is everyone?" In a house full of vampires Xander was surprised he'd gotten as far as he did without attracting attention. Of course, there was no telling how long Edward had been following him. _–Creepy stalker guy. Reminds me of Angel, lurking around. Need to invest in getting bells to attach to all vamps-_

"Esme's downstairs, but the rest are out. Probably hunting. With a human in the house we'll all have to be extra careful about making sure we aren't hungry."

Xander reached for his knife, tugging a few times in futility as the vampire watched. It had sunk far too deeply into the wall for him to extract easily. He glared at the knife, before shifting the look to his other source of irritation, Edward. "You wanna help me out here before Esme sees what I did to her wall." He waved his hand imperiously at the injured party.

Edward effortlessly extracted it, to Xander's annoyance and inspected the blade curiously, "Why do you have a knife anyways? I thought we'd taken them all. Where'd you even get it?"

Xander smirked, arms crossed superiorly, "Always be prepared."

"Boy Scout motto." Edward mused to himself, "Were you a scout?"

"Hell no! Are you kidding? Being a Boy Scout was a good way to get yourself munched. Camping trips in Vampire-town, USA are downright suicidal - if the bloodsuckers didn't get you, the werewolves or demons would. Be Prepared is in the Official Scooby Rulebook, right after Don't Get Dead."

"So… Be prepared for what?"

Xander eyed the vampire sardonically, "If you knew my past with kidnappings, abductions and hostage situations you wouldn't have to ask that."

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

The very first sentence is scientifically true, as far as I know. After that point it's all made up.

Laser Watch – Often used by the British spy 007, or Bond… James Bond

AAA (Triple A) – American automotive rescue service, they'll call you a tow truck if you're in a car accident or will send someone to help if your car won't start or even if you've locked yourself out.

Go Directly to Jail, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect 200$ - Monopoly penalty

Door #2 – In older gameshows there were different prizes behind doors, often cars.

Choose-Your-Own adventure – I loved these books as a kid. They are written in sections and you were given choices as to what actions the main characters took.

Going Left – I always choose left whenever I'm given the choice. Be it in Dungeons and Dragons or a dungeon crawler videogame.

Winchester House – Really famous house in California that was under constant construction for 38 years. Owned by a descendant of the inventor of Winchester rifles. She was convinced that she was cursed by the ghosts of everyone who died to a Winchester rifle and built a house designed to confuse the ghosts. It had randomly placed walls and windows and stairways to nowhere. I've always wanted to visit it.

I have no idea where I am getting the energy to write these chapters so fast. I know I said this already, but please don't expect them all to come out this quickly. I'm SO happy about my success at Edward POV in this chapter. I've finally gotten over my fear of him and feel that we will work well together. Also I'm delighted that I wasn't too squeamish to write the blood and pus scene. It was close for a while… I was cringing while typing and almost overly grossed myself out. I have absolutely no medical training, so I hope it's slightly correct. I totally planned to have E/X snark at each other for a whole lot longer before either of them realized that they were actually attracted to each other, but apparently Edward wants Xander's hot little body. I fully intend for Xander to remain oblivious though. Edward WILL suffer.

-Edward looks around and seeing no one starts touching Xander-

LS: "Ooooohh!" –Eats popcorn and watches-

X: -Wakes up- "What the?"

E: -Molests-

X: "Lil' help here? Please?"

LS: -Pulls out binoculars to see EVERYTHING-

X: "Anybody?"

E: -PURR-

X: "EEP! Bad hands!"

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

4,245 Words - 9 Pages - 05/07/09 [BETA – ForeversNobody 5/14/09]


	4. Always Follow the Directions

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers: Most of the bigger events in Twilight and BtVS, with alterations

Warnings: Slash, Het, NO Bella Bashing, Sexual situations, Some violence, Swearing

Pairings: Edward/Xander, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, Jacob/Bella?

Disclaimer: Neither Twilight nor Buffy is mine. I don't even own the DVDs. Although, I do have a few of the early Buffy comics… somewhere.

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts _

-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 4 – Always Follow the Directions =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

"If you knew my past with kidnappings, abductions and hostage situations you wouldn't have to ask that."

Edward shrugged and handed the knife back. "So tell me."

"Just like that? Spill my entire life's story? Readers digest version of _The Life and Times of Xander_, following the course of his adventures from childhood into the modern day?" Xander was amused. He smoothly collapsed the handle of the knife and pocketed it before turning back to his exploration of Casa de Cullens as he asked over his shoulder. "Why do you even care?"

Edward fell into step beside him. "Makes for good conversation. I don't know you well enough to choose another topic." _Why __**do **__I care?_

"Yeah, I guess. But it's no fun at all for me. Been there done that, got several hideously colored t-shirts." Edward was disappointed; he genuinely wanted to know more about this frustrating and enigmatic human. Xander looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing, "How about this, you ask a question, and then I get to ask one. Even exchange." _Did he manage to read my emotions off my face?_ Edward didn't think so, none of the Cullens had what anyone would call an expressive face, the ability to remain stoic and mask everything was a necessity to their lifestyle. _How perceptive is this human?_ It was galling to find that although he couldn't read Xander at all; the human easily knew everything he was thinking. Now he knew how the others felt whenever he was around, it was very uncomfortable, knowing he could do nothing but trust that the other would keep silent on whatever secrets he found.

"Fair enough." There was so much he wanted to know, where did he start? Something small, innocent and unlikely to scare the mortal away, or arouse his not insignificant fury… "What's your favorite color?"

Xander laughed. "Of all the questions you probably have floating around in your head that one takes priority? I'm neither emotionally fragile nor unbalanced, Edward. You_ can_ be slightly more personal. I don't mind and if you ask something I don't want to answer, I reserve the right to veto."

"I figured I'd start small." Edward huffed, playing at being annoyed. He didn't quite make it as a small smile formed on his lips. It might be near unbearably strange to be so easily read, but at least he didn't have to explain himself. It was both off-putting and comfortable all at once. As for whether or not Xander was fragile, he'd hold off judgment on that. Despite his energy levels and temper, in defiance of the life of survival etched deeply on his body and even with his uncommon tenant, Xander was still human, if a little off baseline. Edward was far stronger, faster and more dangerous. He couldn't let his guard down, _ever_. The day he did people would get hurt, and he didn't want to scare off or hurt this ever changing puzzle before he solved it.

"If you say so. Orange. I'll shower you with my generosity and save you some trouble on the next few. My basic stats and answers are as follows: Brunette, Brown, 5'11", 27, May 29th, Gemini, Yes, No, Maybe, Sometimes, only on Tuesdays and 42. My turn. What happened last night?" Both shared a smile, before Edward sobered.

"You fainted and I carried you home. Your back was bleeding and badly infected. Carlisle cleaned and re-stitched the wounds and Esme bandaged them for you. Carlisle will probably want to check your healing over the next few days."

Xander nodded, "Well, I guess that's slightly better for my manly-ness than being told that I fainted and you let Alice carry me home." Edward smirked at that. "What? She's tiny! I know she could do it effortlessly but my pride, as the macho man I am, insists that size does matter." Imagining waif-like Alice lugging an overly muscled 'macho' Xander around, Edward admitted that it was a fairly funny picture. "Still though, couldn't you have said I blacked out or passed out? Collapsed even? _Anything_ but fainted."

"Alright, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities." Edward teased before amending his previous words, "You gracefully swooned and I, in order to prevent the possible indignity of Alice doing it, chivalrously conveyed you home, gently cradled bridal style in my loving arms." He bit his tongue, looking away and internally cursing at his use of the word love. His vocabulary really was lacking if that was all he could think of to say. Xander didn't seem to notice though; he was busy gaping like a fish at the verbal reversal.

He finally seemed to settle on indignation as the most appropriate response and swung a hand at the back of Edward's head, but was easily evaded. Xander wouldn't give up however and chased the now laughing vampire down the hall. They ended up wandering into the kitchen, where they stopped as they spotted a smiling Esme. If asked, Xander honestly couldn't have described one thing they'd passed on the way. He'd have to resume his exploration later.

"Good morning, boys. Xander, I'm glad you're finally awake I was beginning to think you'd sleep all day." She smiled brightly at him and would have moved to hug him if it weren't for his injuries. She was delighted by the laughter she'd heard, it was obviously going to be good for Edward to have this human around, even if it damaged his carefully constructed image of unapproachable sophistication. He was physically seventeen, he couldn't go around acting like a crotchety old man - he needed to embrace and enjoy his eternal youth.

Edward heard her thoughts and immediately his mask of indifference was back in place. Why was he letting this human drag him down into immaturity? He resolved to ignore and rise above Xander's childishness. Almost instantly he was tested as that ceaseless mouth opened once more.

"Esme." Xander whined, "Edward's being mean to me. Tell him that men, under no circumstances swoon or faint. Tell him how I bravely and courageously _blacked out_."

She laughed at his pout and turned to do his bidding merrily, "Now Edward, we must always be courteous to our guests. You really shouldn't emasculate him, no matter how adorably huggable you find him to be. Carrying him home so earnestly and worrying over him; you truly are a first class gentlemen, and as such you must refrain from upsetting the object of your affections." She fixed Edward with a stern look, even as both boys looked at her in dismay. She enjoyed their chagrin that she'd managed to betray them both with her teasing.

"Esme…" Edward very nearly succumbed to whining himself.

"No objections. You two will have to learn to play nicely." With that order she turned back to the stove top where she had a variety of things simmering and cooking. "Xander, I wasn't sure what you liked to eat so I made toast and eggs for breakfast." He left Edward leaning on the doorway and sat on one of the stools by the high-topped counter as she pulled a steaming plate out of the oven, where it had been warming. He watched in fascination as she handled the hot plate with her bare hands. "Alice and Jasper did the shopping last night."

"We don't eat, so I'm hoping everything will be palatable. This is the first time anyone's even used the kitchen. It took me a while to figure out how the oven and stove controls worked." She put the plate down in front of him and watched with concern as he ate a forkful of eggs. "Scrambled eggs and toast seemed like it would be simple enough to make. I think they came out alright?"

Xander seemed to sense her desire for approval; he smiled widely and started eating enthusiastically. "These are great. Really. It's awesome that you even cooked for me. My mom could never manage anything that wasn't on a delivery menu and I never mastered anything beyond the easily microwavable." He wasn't lying. The eggs weren't that bad, nothing a five star chef would have whipped up, but they were fully edible. Buffy had made worse in her cooking mis-adventures.

Esme was obviously relieved. She wanted so badly to be accepted by the man she considered her newest son. She smiled brilliantly at Xander and he returned it without hesitation, glad that he was able to make her happy over something so simple. He wished he'd had Esme growing up, or at least someone like her. Willow's mom wasn't any warmer or more affectionate than his was, and they hadn't met Joyce until high school.

"I'm trying to master lemon pepper chicken." She turned back to the stove and her other concoctions. One pot was bubbling over and she hastily turned off the burner underneath. She peered into the saucepan with a frown and poked at the gloop inside with her spatula. "The rice doesn't seem to be very cooperative, but I'll probably have it figured out by dinner."

Xander finished his eggs and stuffing the last piece of toast in his mouth, moved his plate to the sink. He quickly rinsed it off and propped it up to dry. "I think it's supposed to be like that." He moved to join Esme at the stove. Both looked at the watery glue-like mixture in trepidation. "You just added water and the rice, right?"

"I followed the directions on the box." She handed off the spatula to Xander and watched as he stirred experimentally.

Retrieving the box she read. "Step 1, in a 2 quart saucepan combine 3 1/4 cups water, 2 tablespoons butter, margarine or olive oil and enclosed package of rice. I'm not sure of the exact size of the pan, but I did that part correctly at least." Xander nodded, listening as he stirred.

"Step 2, stir, reduce heat, cover and simmer over low heat for 25 minutes. Stir occasionally to prevent sticking. Step 3, Remove from heat, let stand 5 minutes. Stir and serve. Rice will be saucy. For less saucy product reduce water by 1/4 of a cup." She paused again. "It seems more than just a little saucy. Even reducing the water wouldn't make that much of a difference. What did I miss?"

"Hmm." Xander stopped stirring to read the box over her shoulder. "Right here after the list of ingredients. The last part of step one is to 'Stir thoroughly and bring to boil.' I'll bet that part burns off most of the extra water." He pointed at the missed step. "And I think simmering is kinda like boiling at a much lower heat. You may not have turned it down enough."

Edward found himself smiling as he watched their interaction. The rest of the family, himself included, was very independent and didn't often allow Esme to mother them the way she wanted to. Xander seemed to have no trouble accepting her feelings and even welcomed them.

Esme looked back at the pot. "So, it's not ruined yet, it just needs to continue to cook through the last two stages?"

Xander nodded. "I think so. It doesn't look like it's burned onto the pot at all, so I'm sure it's fine." He handed the spatula back to Esme and resumed his earlier seat. "It'll probably be ready at lunchtime. You started a little early for dinner." Esme dearly wanted to blush a little for being caught in her overzealousness, but her pale skin stayed lily white. She had long since lost the ability to express her embarrassment in that particular way.

"Did you really expect to be so bad at it that you'd need all day?" Xander obviously didn't understand that she wanted to practice so that everything was perfect for him. "I think cooking is about half experimentation and half common sense. As long as you don't put anything lethal into whatever your making it shouldn't come out being too poisonous. Trust me; I've had to eat some excessively scary things in my life. One of my friends had a midlife crisis at twenty and decided she needed to learn to cook. It wasn't pretty. I was continually amazed by Buffy's ability to create new colors and textures never before seen by man. Nothing you cook could possibly be as bad as the stuff she forced me to taste test. I was tempted to join Witness Protection so she couldn't draft me to help at Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Esme smiled at the obvious fondness in Xander's voice. It sounded like he had some interesting friends. "Well, I for one am glad that she hasn't yet managed to poison you and that now you're at the mercy of my attempts at culinary enlightenment."

Carlisle chose that moment to come home and find them laughing in the kitchen. He looked questioningly at Edward, but just received a shrug in return. "Good morning, everyone." He hugged Esme and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Something smells good."

"Xander and I were just making lunch." Esme leaned into her husband lovingly. Xander watched curiously. He'd never really been exposed to a normal pair of parents, or as normal as the vampires could be. His own were drunk and oblivious, Willow's were cold, clinical doctors; he half expected that they'd only had a child as a social experiment. Joyce and Giles were everything the Scoobies could ask for, but both were single. It was nice to see a warm, supportive and functioning relationship.

"It's good to see you up and about." Carlisle turned warm golden eyes to Xander, taking note of his movements and posture, looking for discomfort. "You gave us quite the scare last night. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Xander gave the patented Scoobie answer. Anything that wasn't lethal was 'fine.' It apparently didn't work to discourage concerned vampires though, because Carlisle frowned at him chidingly.

Edward snorted, "Wrong answer."

"You certainly are not fine. You lost quite a bit of blood, and that infection could have turned serious very quickly. Even staying in the rain last night could have weakened your immune system irrevocably. I'm not sure of the level of care you are used to, but while you are living in our house you'll have to take better care of yourself, or I'll do it for you." He spoke firmly, but softened as he continued, "As a doctor I can't very well have someone wasting away from injury or infection under my very own roof."

Xander just nodded, struck dumb. No one had ever really cared before. On the hellmouth they were pretty much forced to take care of themselves. Too many visits to the hospital with weird wounds would be noticed. Since the fall of Sunnydale, he often hadn't even had the girls to look after him. It had gotten to the point that most injuries had to heal au natural without any treatment at all.

"Glad you agree. Now I wanted to check your wounds again and then I was thinking that we could take a trip down to the hospital for some X-rays. Those claws cut awfully close to your spine and ribs and I want to make sure that everything is alright, before you start to heal anything that might need to be reset."

"I don't have any insurance." Xander protested, he_ hated_ hospitals. Ever since the Angelus thing he'd avoided them whenever possible.

Carlisle just smiled. "I think we can manage to pull off an inside job. With a doctor on your side we can sneak you in and out easily. It won't be a problem."

"But…" Xander tried to think of another good excuse.

"Just smile and nod." Edward advised, with some amusement. "You don't want to see him in overprotective, it's-for-your-own-good mode."

Seeing no way out, Xander smiled, albeit a little shakily and nodded. "Sure. Hospital. Sounds like fun."

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

It turned out that the Cullens lived a good twenty minutes by car from anything resembling civilization. Being so far in the woods gave them a sense of security and allowed them to maintain their private and undead lifestyle. It was a place to relax their guards without worrying about exposure or censure on the part of the human population of Forks. They would have to drive into town to get to the hospital. Xander almost drooled when he saw the contents of their enormous garage. The Cullens each had a car and they evidently weren't the type to settle for anything less than top-of-the-line. Xander didn't know anything about cars, but he did know that anything that shiny, with the option to come in such bright colors and with a convertible top had to be expensive. They bypassed a giant Jeep, a scarlet BMW Convertible and a silver Volvo on their way to a tasteful black Benz. It was almost funny how obvious it was who owned each of the vehicles. He wondered what the Desoto said about Spike.

Edward had wanted to join them on their grand hospital adventure, but Carlisle told him to take the opportunity to go eat something and promised he wouldn't lose or misplace Xander anywhere before they came home. Xander himself dutifully promised not to be distracted by any of the shiny hospital equipment, not to accept anything to eat from strangers and to hold Carlisle's hand if they happened to cross any busy intersections. Edward couldn't leave them alone fast enough at that point. They shared an amused look behind his retreating back and their laughter followed him into the woods.

The car was almost unbearably quiet for the first few minutes of the drive as Xander awkwardly stared out the window. Carlisle kept his eyes on the road and didn't seem inclined to speak anytime soon. He didn't even have the radio on. Xander shifted uncomfortably and eventually couldn't take it anymore.

"Could you tell me more about your type of vampire? I figure since I'm living with your family it would probably be a good idea to know. About all I know now is that you have souls and apparently don't burst into flames in daylight." He indicated the watery light filtering down through the endless trees around them. It wasn't much, but it would have had Spike smoking. In the bad way. In the bad way that didn't cause second hand cancer. _–Does inhaling burning vampire cause cancer?-_

"You're right, of course." Carlisle spoke quietly, "It's been a very long time since I've had to explain this to someone, so please bear with me." Xander nodded, although Carlisle wasn't looking at him, he knew he'd catch the movement out of the corner of his eye, or hear it at least.

"I'll start at the beginning, from your description last night; it appears that even the turning process is very different. As vampires our teeth are exceedingly sharp, and we secrete a type of venom from the back of our throats."

Xander turned to him, surprised. "No fangs?"

Carlisle smiled, "No fangs. A newborn is created when a vampire bites a human and the venom infects the bloodstream. It is very difficult, near impossible, for most vampires to stop feeding once they have tasted human blood, so we are rather rare. Draining the human completely ends with a dead body instead of a vampire."

Xander thought about that, "Vamps are a dime-a-dozen back home. Aside from the human tasting good and total lack of morals, there's nothing that prevents them from walking away once they've bitten. Draining the body completely leaves the human dead, but feeding them a bit of blood before the heart stops turns them into a vamp. Like I said before the blood infects the human over a few days and they wake up later with fangs. If they manage to survive the bite, the blood makes them stronger for a bit, but wears off. The amount of blood given is the difference between turning a minion and turning a Childe."

Carlisle nodded before continuing, "The venom travels in the bloodstream, pushed by the beating of the heart, affecting the tissues as it travels. Depending on the amount of venom and the locations of the bites it can take several days to transform. Your vampires are lucky to be unconscious, or dead as it may be, during their bodily changes. It is excruciatingly painful; a feeling as if every cell in the body is burning and liquid fire travels your veins. The torturous change is my strongest memory from being human. The pain made everything that came before it pale as if the memories were washed out."

"That actually makes a whole lotta sense. How does the vampire's blood cycle through the human's system from their stomach if they're already dead? I wish Giles were here, he'd probably know. He's the Encyclopedia Britannica of the group. Literally, since he hails from the land of tea and tweed."

"Should I take offense at that?" Carlisle spoke with a smile. "I'm originally from London myself."

"Nah, I mean you hardly have an accent, so you've probably been away for a long time. I'm sure the damage to your tastes and sophistication is permanent by now - they'll never accept you back as a proper brit. You're one of us pot melters now."

"I'm not sure how to take that, or even what it means, precisely." Carlisle turned to Xander in bemusement. Sometimes he wasn't sure the human was even speaking the same version of the English language that the rest of the world was.

"Totally a compliment. You should feel privileged. I just deputized you as an honorary American."

"A title of much renown, I'm sure. I shall bear it with all the dignity it demands."

"Darned tootin' you will. If you don't I'll be forced to take away your welcome gift of genuine and historically accurate cowboy spurs."

They smiled at each other, Xander cheekily and Carlisle warmly. It was good to see the child open up to him. He had been concerned that being alone in his presence would make Xander stiff and uncomfortable. He needn't have worried; the human was as irrepressible now as he had been with Edward the night before.

"So, once the heart stops the vampire is fully turned. We cease to need to breathe or eat; even without blood we cannot starve to death. We can't sleep and don't need it. In effect we are frozen in time, turned into a type of living, unchanging stone. Very little can pierce our skins, we don't sweat, we can't blush or cry, our bodies neither grow nor change. If we are seen in full sunlight we appear to sparkle like a diamond prism. Our attractiveness to humans is enhanced as well, we become more beautiful and graceful, even our scent changes to be more alluring. Vampires are much faster and stronger than any human could hope to be and our senses are far more acute. The only way to kill a vampire would be to rip it apart and burn the pieces."

"Hmm. Don't be so sure of that." Xander sounded thoughtful. "I met a demon once who claimed that no weapon forged by man or demon could hurt him. So, of course, being me I set out to prove him wrong. One RPG missile later and he was toast; little pebbly pieces all over the floor."

Carlisle turned to stare at him, unnerved. "Where on earth did you get a weapon of such destructive power?"

"Army base. Snuck in claiming to be a trooper showing off the base to my military buff girlfriend. It was actually my first date with Cordy. Unfortunately, it set the tone for the rest of our relationship. It was like one long gender war." Xander spoke with equal parts nostalgia and regret.

Carlisle just shook his head. With the stories Xander told he couldn't tell which were truthful and which were fictitious. Despite his fervent hopes otherwise, he suspected that even the more outlandish ones were true. Xander likely didn't need to embellish or pad his story material. His life was unbelievable enough in its stark bare truth.

"How old were you?" Carlisle felt some morbid curiosity to know more about this potentially disastrous fiasco.

"Hmm. That was sophomore year so… 17?" Xander was delighted to tell old war stories. The vampire's slightly horrified reaction was just perfect.

Carlisle was indeed horrified. _Seventeen. SEVENTEEN, and handling massively destructive weapons that took years of military training to use properly. He could have killed someone - he could have killed himself. _Right then and there he resolved not to tell Esme this particular story. She was protective enough of the human as it was and he still remembered her reaction to some of Jasper's history. He thought quietly about the incredible things their new family member had seen. He was a walking survivor story. Everything he revealed about himself simply made Carlisle's respect for him grow.

As the rest of their trip to the hospital passed in silence, this time far more comfortably, Xander worried that he'd perhaps said too much to the older man. Carlisle's opinion of him mattered, more than just because he was the head of the Cullen clan, but on a personal level as well. He'd had very few older men in his life to look up to, Spike and Angel didn't count, Riley was an ass and Oz was only a few years older than they were. Over the years, he'd often felt that Giles was in one way or another disappointed or exasperated by him and that had hurt. He wanted Carlisle and the other Cullens to like him and think well of him.

When they finally reached the hospital, Carlisle parked in the employee lot and walked Xander to the ER's doors. Looking at their reflections side by side in the large glass doors Xander groaned. "Oh, god. I'm older than you." At Carlisle's laugh he whined, "Seriously I look older, I'll have to be all _adult_ and _mature_." He said the words as if they were deeply offensive to his person.

"Don't strain yourself." The vampire laughed at the human's pout. "I'm sure it will be fine." Just inside the doors he grabbed one of the wheelchairs.

Xander looked from the chair to Carlisle and back. "I'm not pushing you around. I'm the adult here, if you want to play with the wheelchairs do it the same way as everyone else and go break a leg." He was not impressed.

"It's for you. If we have to sweet talk any of the nurses it will earn us sympathy points if you look more incapacitated." Xander sighed but climbed into the chair, grumbling about being old and needing help walking. As Carlisle rolled him down one sterile white corridor after another he quickly admitted to himself that it was kinda fun to be pushed around. He felt like royalty being carried around by his servants, and he told Carlisle so.

"Well, your majesty, we've arrived at our destination." He pushed open a door labeled Radiology and wheeled Xander inside. The sound of the door opening attracted the attention of what Xander assumed was a Radiologist in its natural habitat. He felt it was an astute observation on his part, considering where they were.

"Carlisle, I didn't think you were scheduled today. And who's this handsome man?" A rotund and matronly woman greeted them with a nasal voice, fluttering her eyelashes at the vampire. Her mousy grey-brown hair fell in tangled and limp curls around her shoulders. She wore hideously bright fuchsia scrubs. -_Crikey, take a gander at this one, ugly little bugger. Let's throw it back and try to catch another. Now the trick is to stay perfectly still, so's to avoid gaining it's attention.-_ Xander smiled at the voice of his inner Irwin.

"Ah, Tamie, wonderful to see you. I'm not actually. I just came in for a few minutes. And this, this is the reason I've had to come in on a perfectly good day off." Carlisle put a hand on Xander's shoulder as he cringed back a little with the attention and eye fluttering turned to him. "Tamie meet Xander. He's an old friend of the family and he'll be staying with us for a while. He's from California and got himself into a bit of trouble when he was out hiking in the mountains, hurt his back rather impressively. I wanted to check to see if the blunt trauma did any damage to his spine and ribs. I've already checked out his topical wounds, but it never hurts to be sure."

"How wonderful, the visiting, of course, not the injury. Any friend of our Dr. Cullen is a friend of mine. Maybe I'll see you around the hospital." Oh god, she was going for a full blown hair twirl now as she tittered. _-What kind of idiot would hope that they saw someone in the hospital?-_ Xander cursed himself for agreeing with what was obviously the vampire's sick plan to torture him. The next chance he got he was going to kick Carlisle in the shins, even if all it would do is stub his toes. He just knew that the vampire was enjoying this. Suddenly, the perfect revenge came to mind.

"Yeah, Carly and I have known each other forever. We grew up together. My name is actually Alexander, but little Carly couldn't pronounce it correctly and I've been Xander ever since. He was so cute as a child, all elbows and knees. He used to love it when I patched up his newest scrape, I half believed he was falling deliberately. I'm sure it's where he got his desire to be a doctor. He was forever following me around and trying to be like his 'Big Brother Xan.' I always had to keep an eye on the little guy, make sure the other kids didn't pick on him." Xander smiled up at the now slightly rueful vampire doctor. "Isn't that right, Carly?"

"Of course, how could I forget? You were my hero." If Carlisle sounded a little strangled Tamie just wrote it off as the embarrassment caused by childhood stories.

"The doctor really doesn't ever talk about himself. It's nice to know that he came from somewhere and is just as human as the rest of us." Tamie bustled about fiddling with controls to various computers and machines. "Alright. Let's get you set up to take those X-rays. If you could take off your shirt." The hunger in her eyes was far from clinical as he reluctantly removed his shirt, glaring at Carlisle when she wasn't looking. _–Kill me now.-_

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

Gemini – I could find no reference anywhere to Xander's birthday. I figured with his personality and as a nod to the episode "The Replacement" he should be a Gemini, as for the exact date, I gave him my birthday.

Only on Tuesdays – A reference to the fact that Buffy used to air on Tuesday nights.

42 – The answer given in Douglas Adams' _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ to the question "What is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything?"

Melting Pot – For some unknown reason my American history books always referred to America as a cultural melting pot.

Steve Irwin – The Crocodile Hunter, a crazy Australian famous for his near stupidity at catching and approaching dangerous animals for his TV show

I give up, apparently my Muse isn't listening when I say that I won't be updating very quickly. So, I'll just let her update at whatever damn speed she wants to and hope I don't burn out. The next few chapters will be Xan bonding with the family, poor Edward is going to get a little left out. In my defense, Xander doesn't realize that Edward's supposed to mean anything more to him than any of the other Cullens. I want to make him a part of the family before I tackle their relationship.

-Lightning_skies and Edward watch Carlisle and Xander-

E: "CARLY?"

LS: -Snorts with laughter- "C-carly and Big B-brother X-Xan."

E: "Where does he come up with this stuff?"

X: (Smugly) "It's a talent. Either you've got it, or you don't."

E "…"

LS: "Not only has he not got it, he doesn't get it either."

-Lightning_skies and Xander laugh at Edward's confusion-

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

5,151 Words - 11 Pages - 05/09/09 [BETA – ForeversNobody 5/14/09]


	5. Zeppo VS Bitch: FIGHT!

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers: Most of the bigger events in Twilight and BtVS, with alterations

Warnings: Slash, Het, NO Bella Bashing, Sexual situations, Some violence, Swearing

Pairings: Edward/Xander, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, Jacob/Bella?

Disclaimer: I haven't even read Twilight. What makes you think I own it? If I owned BtVS it would have been Xander: The Glorified Bricklayer and the Superfriends, but I can't even claim to have made that nickname for X up - that was all Spike.

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts _

-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

This chapter is dedicated to ForeversNobody on FFN. Even after I finally got my inspiration and outline, the execution of the chapter kicked my ass. All of my other chapters were written in one sitting, Chapter 5 here has taken me 4 tries. I kept getting frustrated and walking away. I send so much love and hugs and promise my firstborn to ForeversNobody for her help writing this chapter. I love you long time! Everyone send thanks to her, if not for her guidance, Chapter 5 would have reigned victorious over my dead body. Which is bad, cuz I've got so much awesome stuff to show you in my BtVS/Twilight world.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 5 – Zeppo vs. Bitch: FIGHT! =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

Esme looked up from where she had been sitting in the living room, reading a cooking guide when Xander and Carlisle came home. The book had previously been little more than a prop to their completely furnished and utterly useless kitchen. She'd been glad for her attention to detail when she'd found out that they'd diversified their family with a human to feed. Despite Carlisle's assurances that the X-rays were merely a formality and a precaution, she worried for her youngest - human bodies were so fragile and some damage never healed. She had tried to relax by painting, but even her usually soothing watercolors only allowed her mind to wander back to her worries. Building her knowledge of food preparation was both useful and absorbing, allowing the time to pass quickly. "How did it go? Is everything alright?"

A smug and self satisfied looking Xander entered the living room, followed by an exhausted and defeated looking Carlisle. Xander glanced at Carlisle for a moment before announcing proudly, "I think it's safe to say that I am the reigning champion."

"Champion? I wasn't aware that getting X-rays taken was a competition." Esme looked from one to the other in confusion. What on earth had happened?

"And if it is a competition, how did you beat a doctor?" Emmett and Rosalie had returned not long after Xander and the doctor had left for the hospital. There was only so much hunting they could do, no matter how much Rosalie didn't want to come home to see her private space invaded by a human. Of course the word champion had aroused Emmett's curiosity. If there was a game to be played or a competition to be had he was always the first to want to know about it. He had a unparalleled competitive streak and a near insatiable need for entertainment.

"It's all about how willing you are to play dirty." Xander was still bragging and didn't feel the need to explain himself. He was flying high on the brilliance of his revenge against the sadistic doctor. The slimy feeling Tamie had given him would wear off, but the memories of Carlisle's face would last forever.

"And by that he means that he's more vindictive than the Volturi." Carlisle was still slightly awed by the sheer audacity of the human. He had been worried when Xander started telling tales that he would give something away that would conflict with the background Carlisle had set up for himself. But, the devious imp had instead skillfully weaved stories of childhood that were vague enough to be unconfirmable and yet specific enough to seem like real memories. He never mentioned locations or dates; never dropped names, instead using nicknames for all the supporting characters. It was a brilliant bit of storytelling and showed that the young man had incredible cunning and intelligence, despite his immature demeanor. In a way he had helped Carlisle, by fleshing out his human persona, but at the same time he'd gotten several well placed jabs at the doctor's pride.

"I have no idea what that means, but I hope it adequately expresses my sheer diabolical genius." Xander was on the verge of breaking into maniacal laughter. It was quite easy to imagine him on the backdrop of a stormy, lightning streaked night cackling and exclaiming, 'I've finally done it! My masterwork is complete!'

"We were just taking X-rays. There was no reason for you to make it into a war." Carlisle was easily drawn back into the mild disagreement they'd been cycling through since they'd left the clutches of the Evil Radiologist that Came from _Beyond_. He seemed to waver between amusement and mild irritation. Xander suspected that he would have been laughing out loud if he hadn't been the target of the mischief.

"Did you not see the harpy nurse you subjected me to? She was eyeing me like she was going to eat me and you happily fed me to her."

Emmett laughed at that, "Tamie?" He, Jasper and Edward each had their own share of run-ins with the nurse and occasional radiologist. Forks General Hospital was small enough that many of the nurses doubled as specialists. Tamie was the hospital's resident gossip, matchmaker and eerily lusty old lady. It was apparently just Xander's bad luck that she'd been working when he came in. The whole hospital would know about him by now and the town would follow very quickly. Xander was likely to be the topic of dinner conversations with spouses tonight, and they in turn would tell tales about him to coworkers tomorrow.

Xander nodded with a look of total disgust, "Tamie. And he," he stuck a thumb out at Carlisle, "dragged me straight into the lions den with a smile. It called for drastic diversionary tactics."

Emmett couldn't wait to hear this, "What'd you do?" He would love to learn what Xander's definition of drastic entailed; it seemed that the little human didn't take half measures on anything.

"Well, Carlisle had introduced me as an old family friend; I merely elaborated on that point." Xander spoke with false modesty, playing up the suspense for his captivated audience.

Carlisle spoke up - maybe if he told the story himself, he could minimize the damage to his ego and Xander wouldn't get to embellish it beyond recognition. "By Monday the entire hospital is going to know all the embarrassing escapades of Little Carly and his honorary Big Brother Xan. You see, we grew up together and he was always looking out for me because I was a few years younger. He spilled all my childhood secrets, everything from my being accident prone, to my crippling fear of frogs and other amphibians. The heroic tales where Xander bravely chased off the bullies, saving Little Carly were Tamie's favorites." He said dryly.

Emmett burst out laughing, deep bellowing belly guffaws, and Esme couldn't help but join in (much more delicately) at the slightly disgruntled look on Carlisle's face. It seemed that Edward wasn't the only one whose ego was suffering at the hands of Xander's total irreverence. It was evident that nothing was to be held sacred and everyone was likely to get a dose of humility, appropriately enough at the hands of a human. Too long had the family been separate from the world. Xander had thoroughly invaded and dragged the excitement of the mortal and transient back into their lives.

Emmett was sure he'd be crying and gasping for breath if he had been human. He got a mischievous look in his eyes, "So, does that make you my Uncle Xander?"

"Best damn uncle, you've ever had." Was the immediate response. "I'm that awesome, fun uncle with the perfect sense of humour. The one that taught you to fish, and ride a bike. Who snuck you beer, that one time when you were 15 and your Mom wasn't around to know about it." Emmett and Xander shared grins, expanding on their completely fictitious history together.

Esme smiled nostalgically, playing along as well. "I remember that. I poured them down the sink when I found them."

Xander gasped, "You knew? Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Esme glared at him knowingly, "I'm his mother of course I knew. I didn't say anything because all young boys need to experiment, and I'd rather have it done at home than out where he might have gotten hurt or arrested."

"You were the one who took them? I thought Edward stole them." Emmett admitted sheepishly. "I refused to talk to him for a week. He was so confused. I thought he was just wondering how I'd known it was him."

Even Carlisle had to share in the collective smiles and laughter at the thought of a 12 year old Edward stealing his big brother's beer. Rosalie chose that moment to storm in angrily. She'd been listening in from the other room and was totally livid at their antics.

"We're NOT human, he's NOT related to us and there was NO beer incident." She yelled angrily. How could they all pander to that stupid story? They didn't need excessively complex cover stories, and they didn't need to pretend here at home. This was there place to be themselves, and this stupid human was trying to force them to be something else. Something easy to understand and 'normal'. "I can't believe you're all playing along with him."

"Rosalie, honey. It was just a joke." Esme tried to soothe her daughter. Rosalie was so careful about who she let near her. She was very protective of the family and obviously viewed Xander as a threat.

"C'mon, babe. Laugh, it was funny." Rosalie glared at Emmett. How could he side against her? Couldn't they see that this human was going to ruin their relationships? He was already beginning to tear the family apart, playing them against one another. Why was she the only one that saw it? Seeing that she had no support from even her mate, she twirled on her heel with a frustrated growl and stormed out of the room.

With a shrug and apologetic smile in Xander's direction Emmett followed her.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"You don't like me much do you?" Xander had convinced both Carlisle and Esme that they could resume their normal activities and leave him to amuse himself, and proceeded to track down his newest archenemy. He wasn't even sure what it was about him that continually set her off. He finally found her lounging against Emmett on a sofa at the far end of the house. The big vampire had looked up when he entered the room, but she steadfastly ignored him until he spoke.

Oddly enough, it was Rosalie's rabid dislike of him that had initially made Xander comfortable with the Cullens. Although the others didn't seem like the types to fake their personalities, he would have been very cautious and sure something was wiggy if the whole family had loved and welcomed him immediately. It would have been way too Stepford Wives to be true. He didn't think they were trying to fool him into complacency - only someone raised on the hellmouth like he had been would be _more_ comfortable when at least one person was being overtly hostile. He figured that if Rosalie really hated him that much and still hadn't made an attempt on his life, they were probably on the level with the soul having vegetarians thing. Being nearly attacked by Edward and verbally abused by Rosalie made him feel safe. –_And how fucked up is that?-_

So, in some way he felt he owed it to her to figure out what her hatred stemmed from. Somewhere along the line she'd graduated from normal Cordelia-at-school-talking-to-the-Zeppo level snark to Cordelia's verbally-abuse-it-before-it-eats-you-to-prove-you-aren't-scared snark. He wasn't sure what he'd done to her to deserve an actual threatened response. The White Knight within him couldn't let a lady languish in distress if he could do something to soothe it. He laughed mentally at his own vision of himself, in shiny white porcelain armor that would shatter with one hit, trying to save a dragon lady from perceived distress and getting soundly thrashed for it.

"What gave you that idea?" Rosalie scoffed at his conversation opener. If he was going to try and force her to talk to him, he should at least be intelligent about it.

Xander pretended to consider her question before answering. "I'm good at picking up the very subtle hints in a person's behavior and attitude. So, do you hate me because I'm human or is it just because I'm prettier than you?"

Emmett laughed before a death glare from Rosalie silenced him. "As if. You're as plain Jane as they come. You aren't even in the same league as I am. What's more you don't belong here. It's disgusting how you're preying on Carlisle and Esme's kindness and generosity. You're like a parasite, taking and taking and never giving back. You're worthless." She watched in smug satisfaction as he finally responded to her insults.

Emmett stiffened behind her, but didn't say anything. Rose only lashed out like this when she felt threatened, and trying to stop her would only look like he was betraying her. He had worked hard to break through her icy exterior and he wasn't about to lose her over a human, even if he felt she was being cruel.

Xander's countenance froze on his face. He was still smiling, but it wasn't at all nice or friendly. Parasite, worthless, unwanted. Each word echoed in his suddenly empty heart. He'd spent his life being told how worthless he was, how the world would be better off without him. How raising him had destroyed his parent's life. How protecting him was distracting his friends from the fight. How he wasn't special or integral and anybody could take his place. After all, he was the Zeppo. He wasn't smart like Giles, he wasn't techno-savvy or magically powerful like Willow, he didn't have the strength, flexibility or training that Buffy did. He was a boring, uninteresting human. He had to be coddled and protected. He had to be kept alive and out of the fight. His purpose was to fetch doughnuts and coffee. His life's accomplishments consisted of a list of dead end minimum wage jobs he'd been fired from, dead ex-girlfriends and a demolished hometown. He had no purpose, and when he was gone he would have left no mark on the world.

Xander had watched the others move on, scattering to find their ways in the world outside of the Hellmouth. Right before his eyes, his family had broken apart and the members drifted away from one another. There were still letters and phone calls and visits, but the Scoobies he told stories about were a thing of the past. He had been labeled the Heart of the group by the primeval Slayer's spell. When that eclectic little family had dissolved, so did his purpose. There was no need for a Heart if there was no Spirit, Body or Mind. It hurt unbelievably for Rosalie to pick at those particular traumas.

With the constant apocalypses and emotional drama, life in Sunnydale hadn't been perfect, but it was the life he'd chosen - the one he'd constructed with his bare hands, with the family that stood beside him. He had fooled himself into thinking that he'd found a place to belong, and for a while the dream was wonderful, but all dreams end, and the day Xander watched the others walk away from him, looking to the future and not looking back, his world had shattered.

Screw making nice. This bitch didn't know anything about him. She didn't know what he'd lived through, what he'd lost and what he'd survived. She had no right to speak to him like this. She didn't know what she was talking about and he was going to make sure she understood that. There was a growled agreement from deep in his psyche. The Hyena was only allowed to act on physical threats or mental invasions, but no one was allowed to cause her cub more emotional pain.

"So that's it? Princess is upset because the commoner won't bow and scrape and respect the crown?" His expressive face had shut down and the smirk on his lips was condescending and cruel. "Sorry, Darling. I'm not looking to be one of your subjects. The only bitch I bow down to is Queen C and she's not here. Compared to her you're an Ice Princess at best. She could and would have torn my ego to shreds with her first comment. You're just a scared little girl playing dress up - a pretender to the crown."

"You don't know anything about me. How dare you even think you have the right to talk to me like that?" Rosalie was livid. This human didn't know her past, didn't know her secrets and her history of hurt. Emmett wrapped her in a hug, he'd continue to stay out of it, she had picked this fight and could take care of herself, but he knew that this was bound to bring up latent pain for Rosalie.

"So, what was it? What dramatic trauma made you think you're entitled to be so self-righteously condescending? What deep dark horror have you lived through that makes everyone else's pale in comparison? After all, it was so horrible that no one else could possibly have lived through something so painful, right? That nothing worse is possible, therefore no one can understand your horror. That's why you expect everyone to bend over backwards and accommodate your every whim. You're so terrified that you'll lose their love - that I'll usurp your place in the family and you'll be returned to the darkness. Afraid that they'll walk away from you and leave you alone again." Xander's voice was dangerously low and completely unimpressed as he picked viciously at her emotional scars.

Rosalie was shocked. How could he know that? No one outside of the family knew her past and they'd never betray her confidences like that. Emmett was looking at Xander in a new light. How had they missed this? How could this human who laughed and joked and gleefully caused chaos wherever he went, have hidden such darkness? No one could talk about emotional pain so clearly and concisely without having experienced it themselves.

"Don't you _dare_ pretend to understand me. You have no idea what those human beasts did to me!" Rosalie would have been crying if she'd been capable of it. Without that avenue of expression her grief and pain turned back in on itself feeding her fury. Emmett held her as she vibrated with anger and tension.

"Ah – So it's my humanity… Well, I decided when I was 16 that I hated all vampires. Would you look at that, we have something in common. I especially hated vampires with souls. I knew even with them, that they were dirty murderous beasts and a mockery of the humans they'd once been; savage monsters walking the world wearing the cold, lifeless faces of corpses. If I'd been able I would have killed every single one. I did manage to kill most of the ones I came across. A quick stake to the heart and poof, dusted."

"But then one of my friends fell in love with a monster wearing an angel's face. Even before he was turned 'Liam' was a scumbag. He was a drunk, womanizing waste of space. He brutally beat at least 3 people to death in bar fights - as a human, no blood-rage to blame there. Then, once he was turned he was the most vicious vampire recorded in 18th and 19th century Europe. He gets his scummy soul stuck back in him and suddenly he's a candidate for sainthood."

Xander snorted in contempt. "Yeah, right. Every heroic action Angel takes, he's looking for divine approval and waits, hand extended for a reward. It shouldn't ever be about that, it's about sincerely trying to make a difference in people's lives. As far as I could ever tell, he only regrets those wasted lives as so much dirt and mud that he dragged his soul through."

"So, one day, Buffy ended up fighting the head of his Order. The Master was planning on killing every human in town and Buffy knew someone had to stop it, so she walked straight into her death, knowing she was trying to make a difference. She fought a vampire who was thousands of years old, fought for the people she cared for and even those she didn't know. She could have used the strength and abilities of a 250 year old vampire at her side, but where was her dark knight? The man who professed to hold an undying love?"

"I never had the heart to tell her. That her fairytale lover, Prince Charming himself had given up on her easily. He was sitting at home already regretting her death, while she was still down in the Master's lair fighting for her life. It didn't seem fair that a dirtbag like him got to live when I had to dust my best friend. It was then that I decided that I hated all vampires on principle. Especially ones with souls."

"So you hate me too. Am I supposed to get all teary eyed? Your little crush loved someone else, who cares." Rosalie had no interest in any random, foolish vampire that had revealed himself to some girl and all her friends. It wasn't her problem and the Volturi would deal with him sooner or later.

"What are you talking about? How could a human girl even hope to take out a vampire by herself? And what did you mean by 'dusting' vampires? No offense, but you don't look strong enough to rip a vampire apart by yourself, man." Xander's story had too many points that just didn't make sense to Emmett.

Xander laughed at his confusion, but it wasn't the joyful laugh they had heard earlier. It was little more than a harsh bark of dark hysteria. His single eye was dilated and he seemed to be near a mental breakdown. The black eye patch suddenly looked garish and threw odd shadows across his face. "I'm from another dimension. Obviously things are going to be different." He reminded Emmett condescendingly. "Buffy was a Slayer. Human girl with mystical enhancements - strength, speed etc. Totally lethal and designed by sheer primal nature to be a vampire killer. She could dust a handful of fledges a night. Whenever a vampire got a wooden stake shoved into its dead, unbeating heart, was exposed to sun and/or holy water or was decapitated the body would instantly carbonize. It was like a flash fry - poof instant vampire ash." He mimed the staking, beheading and cloud of dust with his hands in callous parody.

"Wanna hear about the first time I dusted a vamp?" Xander's eye shone with a manic light as he acted like a child with a secret to tell. It was disturbing to watch his apparent mood shifts. Emmett couldn't do anything but watch him in apprehensive fascination as he nodded. Rosalie watched their interplay, she was unnerved by how unhinged the human had become in such a short time.

"Well, you see. It was before Buffy killed the Master. His little minions were everywhere, gathering food for this big party he was throwing called The Harvest. My friends and I were hanging out at a local club, the Bronze. Jesse had actually found a girl willing to let him hit on her and even Willow was getting chatted up by a cute guy. Everything was good. Of course, both of the strangers turned out to be bloodsuckers looking for a quick meal. Buffy and I managed to rescue Willow, but Jesse was taken." The horror of the story was made worse by the dismissive and dead tone Xander's voice took. Although he spoke rapidly, his voice held with all the emotional intonation of Ben Stein observing the weather. It was a cruel counterpoint to the emotions they knew had to be aroused by the memory.

"He came back, but he was different, of course. Changed. Kept going on and on about how he was better now. Stronger, faster. Sound familiar?" He asked Emmett in dark excitement before continuing without waiting for an answer. "He was going to tear into me, drain me dry. This was my brother in all but blood and that was all he wanted - my blood. Tragic enough for you? We grew up together, laughed with each other and knew every secret and inside joke, it was always us against the world and I shoved a stake in his heart and breathed in his dust as he dissolved in front of me. I was sixteen when I dusted the vamp wearing my best friend's body. I lied to his parents faces that he had been desperately unhappy at home and school, that he'd run away. Just so they could hope and imagine that he'd come home one day. I had to watch that hope erode over the years knowing that I'd erased the last traces of their son, and that he was never going to walk back through their doors with his big goofy smile and an apology for making them worry."

The manic energy that had lit Xander up from inside through his story drained out, replaced with the familiar desperate grief he'd held for too long. "See, vampires had to be beasts, because if what I killed that night wasn't a rabid monster that needed to be put down, then I'd murdered my brother." His voice was near begging, asking for someone, anyone to tell him that he hadn't murdered his best friend, that he had done the right thing. Maybe he'd believe if they told him just one more time.

The room was deadly silent for long moments before Xander turned to Rosalie again, sadness and compassion warring in his stricken expression. "I'm not here to steal your family, Rosalie. I envy you for it, but I know the pain of losing everything you care for and I would never put someone else through that. I am not one of the people that hurt you, and I don't mean to cause you any grief. This is your house and your family. If you are uncomfortable with me here and you want me out I'll leave. First chance I get, I'm gone and you'll never see me again." Xander smiled brokenly at her and turned to leave.

"What changed?" Rosalie's voice was soft and urgent, stopping him in the doorway. He had just as many reasons to hate vampires as she did to hate humans. How had he gotten over it? How did he get beyond the fear that fueled the hatred? She had to know.

Xander breathed deeply before turning back to her with an unreadable expression. "Spike was the one that eventually helped me through it. SPIKE! The Big Bad himself, acting as my personal psychiatrist. If Angel was the confirmation and embodiment of everything I hated about vampires, Spike was the exception. Even before he ever got his soul he was capable of love and devotion. The first thing he did when he was turned was try and save his aging mother from death. It was a heartfelt, if misguided action. When he saw what she'd become, he staked her himself rather than force her to live the life of a killer."

"He spent over a hundred years caring for his insane sire. He was supposed to be a monster, but he was so gentle and dedicated. He was devastated when she left him - beasts aren't supposed to be able to grieve, and yet I saw it with my own eyes, how torn up he was inside. I couldn't allow myself to really see it though, he was still my enemy. Then he was captured by the military, they stuck a microchip in his brain, caused him pain if he tried to feed on a human. He came to us for help… We were predictably terrible to him, but he stayed with us; he had no where else to go."

"He fought beside us, bled with us, saved our lives, stole our beer and bought cigarettes with the money he'd filched from our wallets. He was one of us, and knew all our secrets and weaknesses. He was even my roommate for a while. He was cunning enough to find any number of ways to kill us if he'd really wanted to. We could have been dead many times over if he'd ever decided to sit a fight out. He fell in love with the Slayer. Restrained his urge to kill, just for her. He allowed himself to be tortured by a hellgod rather than giving up her sister. And when Buffy died he stayed and continued to help. All of this before he ever had a soul. When he did get it, one of his first actions was to save the world, at the cost of his life."

"I hated him through all of it. I hated him when he was evil and I hated it when he was the one saving my life and saving the world. I hated him for coming back when we'd lost so many on the hellmouth more deserving of another chance at life. I refused to look beyond the vampirism and see him for who he really was. Finally, he picked a fight with me, knowing exactly what I felt about him. He let me take out all my frustrations and all the hatred I'd felt for every vampire I'd ever met. He let me beat him half to dust, and then when I was exhausted he offered me a beer. We got smashed and talked about anything and everything. He told me about his mum and I told him about Jesse. The stubborn ass persisted until we were friends, of a sort. I woke up massively dehydrated and hung over, but I couldn't hate him anymore. He had finally proven himself to me, Head and President of the Stake All Vampires Club. I could no longer say that I hated all vampires and where there is one exception there will always be more."

Rosalie searched his face for some undefined thing for a moment, before she slowly nodded. Xander smiled thinly at her once more and went to complete his exploration of the house and to find out where they'd stashed his weaponry. He'd need it if he was going to be leaving.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Just a few minutes later, Alice and Jasper came home. The Civil War veteran's eyes seemed unfocused and glassy and he was leaning heavily on Alice for support. He looked terrible. If he had been human he would have been ashy pale and more than likely unconscious. The first person to see them was Esme, having come to greet them when she heard the door open.

"What happened?" At Esme's concerned words three more vampires materialized in the entrance way. Emmett was instantly lifting Jasper's weight off of Alice. Carlisle directed him to gently carry his brother to the couch and lay him down as Rosalie watched in dismay. Quietly, Alice spoke, her eyes never leaving the nearly limp body of her mate.

"I don't know. We were just coming home and he cried out and collapsed. I didn't even see it coming. What's wrong with him Carlisle?" Alice wrung her hands in nervous panic. Rosalie gently sat her down and tried to soothe her as Esme and Carlisle checked Jasper over.

"I'm fine." As the fevered glaze over his eyes faded, Jasper batted their concerned hands away gently and sat up, still wavering a little. He groaned and buried his face in his palms, head throbbing. Alice came over and sat herself gently in his lap, moving his hands and soothingly running her fingers through his hair. He nearly melted into her cool skin in relief. "I just wasn't prepared."

"What happened?" Carlisle repeated Esme's earlier question, firmly. If something was threatening his family, he needed to know about it.

His minor, exhausted shrug was not missed by the family "My barriers were relazed - I was near home, so I didn't think..." They nodded as Jasper trailed off, then moved to circle his arms around Alice and leaned into her for support. "We had just exited the trees around the driveway when I was hit with a near crippling wave of some of the darkest emotions I've ever felt. Even if I had my barriers at their strongest and I'd braced myself it would have hit me hard. Without them I was nearly swept away. If Alice hadn't been in physical contact with me to immediately anchor me I'd probably be catatonic right now. It felt like I was dying."

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a worried look. What could have possibly caused so much pain and dark emotion near the house. The only people here were the children and Xander. Jasper felt a hot flash of guilt cut through the aching haze of pain. He looked directly at Rosalie who was suspiciously interested in looking at everything but her family and Emmett who was physically shifting his weight as he badly hid his regretful conscience.

"Rose, what did you do?"

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

Stepford Wives – Book and movie about a perfect neighborhood with the perfect families. In the end it turns out that they've been brainwashed and replaced with robots.

Ben Stein – American Celebrity famous for his monotonous delivery of comedic one-liners. Remember the teacher from Ferris Bueller's Day off? "Bueller?...Bueller?" "Um, he's sick" That was Ben Stein.

Ug, so much for my inexhaustible muse. She still had her high energy, but was all set to write everything BUT this chapter. She hashed out most of the later happenings and even wrote a full chapter; unfortunately it wasn't the NEXT chapter. I didn't think you'd appreciate it if I started posting chapters out of order. (Even if it is a fantastic chapter with a giant left turn for the plot as well as our boys' first kiss.) She made a soundtrack playlist for the fic in my iTunes and even started a photo manip for the story. But every time I opened my chapter 5 word document she disappeared. It was kinda fun, I'd minimize and she'd be chatting my ear off, but the moment I popped open that tab she'd vanish. I actually spent a few minutes popping it open and closed again and watching her flicker in and out of existence. She smacked me for that. Even now, I'm writing this A/N before I've gotten more than 350 words down. –Whacks head on desk repeatedly-

Right after I wrote the first paragraph of the A/N I gave up and went to bed. It happened something like this…

-Lightning_skies gives up, turns off the computer, puts on her PJs, takes out her contacts, climbs into bed and turns out the light. She has just closed her eyes when…-

Muse: "So, about Chapter 5..."

LS: -Cracks an eye open- "You're kidding me right?"

-Looks at clock- "I have work in 8 hours, can we do this later?"

M: "I believe the phrase is 'WHEN inspiration strikes' not 'at the earliest possible convenience AFTER inspiration strikes.'"

X: "But no, by all means continue sleeping. It's not like I have things to do. I'll just put my whole life on pause for you, shall I? I'm not a real person anyways. I don't deserve consideration."

LS: -Groans- "You two are such drama queens."

-Turns on the light and blindly gropes for a notebook and pen-

~45 Minutes Later – After 4 pages of scribbled notes and a whole lotta squinting at the page while holding it 2 inches from LS's face~

M: "And that's all I've got so far."

LS: "Good. Bedtime." –Closes notebook; puts it and the pen away and turns out the light.-

M: "OOH! And then we can have Rosalie…"

LS: "Can't this wait until tomorrow? I just want to sleep."

M: "If I remember it by then. There's a good chance I won't."

LS: "Was that a threat? You're totally on a power trip, aren't you. When I said I was gonna let you update at whatever speed you wanted it wasn't an invitation to rearrange my life."

M: -Looks smugly at her LS minion-

LS: "FINE! At least we finally know who's really in charge here. For the record, I think you're a total bitch and I want a raise."

-Gets up 5 or 6 more times before finally being allowed to sleep-

-Lightning_skies tries to interpret her scribbles-

LS: "Does that say taking, faking, da king, 8oulcing, salcing or forking?"

M: "Don't ask me, you're the one who wrote it. Personally, I think it kinda looks like ohoilcing. You need to work on your spelling."

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

5,487 Words - 11 Pages - 05/14/09 [BETA – ForeversNobody 5/14/09]


	6. The Future is Not What It Used to Be

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers: Most of the bigger events in Twilight and BtVS, with alterations

Warnings: Slash, Het, NO Bella Bashing, Sexual situations, Some violence, Swearing

Pairings: Edward/Xander, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, Jacob/Bella?

Disclaimer: Not Mine. For full disclaimer see previous chapters.

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts _

-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

NOTE - THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY. DON'T GIVE UP ON THIS CHAPTER HALFWAY THROUGH, IT TURNS OUT OK I PROMISE

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 6 – The Future is Not What it Used to Be =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

After Xander left the Cullen's household it was took him the better part of the afternoon to make it to the nearest high traffic road. Well, the 101 was as high traffic as roads could be in a place like Forks. He picked a direction randomly, trying to remember which way Carlisle had taken to the hospital and started walking. What felt like an eternity later, he was still going, no cars had passed, in either direction and he had resigned himself to walking the whole way to Forks. Eventually, a beat up old Ford pickup chuffed its way up the road and slowed to a stop, brakes squealing in protest, when he stuck out his thumb hopefully. He blessed his luck when his Good Samaritan turned out to be a middle aged weekend fisherman returning to Seattle after a few days fishing on the coast. The driver declared that he wouldn't mind the company for his return trip and was delighted to have a companion.

Don, as he'd introduced himself, was an engineer by weekday who either fished or dreamed of fishing in every spare second that he wasn't designing a better mousetrap, or whatever it was that he did. He spent the entire four hour trip to Seattle talking about fishing rods, reels, bait, different fish species and telling boring stories about sitting motionless for hours waiting for something to bite. Xander amused himself and kept his sanity by making mental associations to vampire stake-outs where he'd sit motionless waiting for something undead to rise. He laughed a little, imagining Spike dangling from a line, with a bit of night crawler hanging out of his mouth. The conversation wasn't great, but at least Don never shut up long enough to ask Xander any questions about himself; those would have been difficult to answer.

Still, he nearly cried in relief when they entered the city and Don pulled to a stop at a random 24 hour diner. Throwing a brief thanks over his shoulder, Xander hopped out of the truck, retrieved his duffle from the bed of the truck, where he'd tucked it down between a bait cooler and a rack of fishing rods, and waved as he watched the battered old truck trundle on down the road. After his argument with Rosalie, he'd found his weapons fairly easily and had stolen a cheap looking duffle to stash them in. Wandering Africa visibly armed for battle was one thing; it meant that fewer people would try to mess with the American tourist dumb enough to travel alone. Trying the same thing in the continental US would get him arrested at most and would draw unwanted attention at least. As he entered the restaurant he prayed that the monetary system would be similar enough here that he wasn't going to end up washing dishes for whatever he ordered.

Xander sat himself at the counter and watched the people around him carefully for a moment. Having worked retail and fast food for years he knew that wait staff didn't closely inspect the money they received so long as it looked about right, but he needed to make sure they still used American greenbacks in this world. For all he knew their currency was purple. Soon, a man a few seats down finished his key lime pie and slapped a familiar looking green 10 down on the counter before leaving. Heartened that his money would be at least superficially acceptable, Xander caught the waitress's eye and ordered for himself.

Eating his dinner, he scanned the wanted ads from a paper someone had left in one of the empty booths. It was a day old and covered in coffee stains, but that was fine for his purposes. He wasn't sure that Alexander Harris existed in this world, so he'd have to be careful that wherever he got a job, they wouldn't bother to do a background check. Something tip heavy would be perfect, because he certainly wasn't going to be filing taxes. With that thought in mind he circled several bartending and wait staff positions.

That night he slept restlessly in a crappy old hotel that reminded him too much of Faith. He lay in bed wondering what the Cullens were doing. He regretted leaving without saying anything to Esme, Carlisle and Edward. They had gone out of their way to help him and he'd disappeared without so much as a thank you note. He knew he was doing the best thing though. Rosalie was right; they had no need for some random stranger to freeload at their house. He was an unexpected and likely unwanted burden and it was better that he leave them in peace.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

The next day Xander found himself a decently paying bartending job at a local dive. It was a dark and dirty place, but the manager hadn't had him fill out any paperwork or batted an eyelash when he asked to be paid in cash. There was a small disagreement when he'd asked for his first week paid in advance, but he managed to charm and beg his new boss into agreeing. Not without dire threats if he ran out on the man, but at least it was an agreement.

He used the cash advance to pay up the hotel room for a week and to grab some essentials for himself. Owning his own toothpaste and razor made him feel cleaner and more civilized again, even before he used them. Having more than one set of clothes felt wonderful as well, especially ones that were his size. Changing into his 'new' goodwill clothing he realized that he'd accidentally stolen Edward's shirt and pants. Running his fingers over the quality cotton of the shirt he folded them gently and put them in his bag. If he was careful and only wore the clothes when he wanted to dress up, he could keep them from getting dirty or threadbare too quickly. It wasn't much but it'd be a nice way to remember the family that had helped him.

Xander stayed in Seattle for a few months. He passed his nights tending the bar, or acting as a bouncer; the eye patch actually lent him a fairly intimidating presence he shamelessly traded on to break up brawls or frighten belligerent drunks. His days were spent scouring the city's many used bookstores for any recognizably magical tomes that might have a clue to helping him get home.

He couldn't find anything. There were the usual new age wiccans books on focusing chakras, feng shui and meditation, but he couldn't find a single familiar author or title. The only monster manual he found was for Dungeons and Dragons players. A cold fear started building in his gut after the 4th bookstore that didn't have anything more substantial than a book called "_The Science of Vampires_".

Telling himself that even in his world Seattle wasn't known as a supernatural hotspot Xander bought a bus ticket to LA. If it was anything like home, there was an entire demonic subculture there that he could draw on for help.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Nearly a year later Xander was facing the very real possibility that he was never going home. Once again the bookstores and libraries didn't have anything to help him, but even more terrifyingly he hadn't come across fang, whisker, horn or tail of anything even slightly supernatural. The obituaries in the papers didn't have anything remotely unusual listed and none of the nightlife landmarks he knew from home were the same. LA was a large and heavily populated city. If demons existed then he should have been able to find something, some indicator that they were there. Seeing the Cullen vampire coven first thing out of the portal, he hadn't even considered that there might not be a supernatural element to this world. He should have clued in when they had no knowledge of magic and when they claimed not to be demonic in origin.

Desperate, he had spent weeks walking around LA's cemeteries alone without tripping over so much as a hobo. Xander knew the irony in him being terrified that there were no monsters or ghoulies in this dimension, but that didn't stop the horror that clenched around his heart when he thought of never seeing home again.

He was going to have to take more drastic actions. If the answers couldn't be found here in the new world he'd have to go back to the oldest roots of the civilized world. Maybe in one of Europe's older cities he could find some help. He could feel himself loosing faith and he didn't have anything left but the quickly dwindling hope that he could eventually find his way home.

Xander knew himself well enough to be aware that the day he finally gave up on going home was probably the same day he gave up on living. If there was no magic, no underground world of demons and creatures that go bump in the night, then he was just an abandoned uneducated one eyed carpenter. He had no skills beyond knowing ten different ways to kill a Fyarl and reading prophetic Sumerian. With his eye, no one would ever hire him for construction work due to liability restrictions, even if he did have a legal identity. He could handle working terrible hours in crappy bars while he had a goal and a purpose, but the moment he gave up on moving forward he wouldn't be able to do it anymore. He just wasn't made for a lonely, bottom feeder lifestyle. He needed to be working towards something. He was like a shark, the day he stopped swimming was the day he drown.

He still remembered the day that he'd broken down and bought a map of California. He spent hours tracing his fingers over the spot where Sunnydale should have been repeatedly, as if he could rub off the false names laid down over it. He wasn't sure what was being put on Californian maps back home these days, but they definitely wouldn't have renamed the crater Santa Barbara. For the first time since he'd been dumped into this dimension Xander had broken down and cried, curled up on his side with one hand clenched around the map and the other balled up in Edward's stolen shirt.

And so it was that a few more weeks saw a slightly nervous former Scooby handing over a fake, but expensive and very convincing passport, to airport security at LAX before boarding a plane to New York, where he'd connect to a trans-Atlantic flight to London. Both the map and the shirt were carefully packed in his carry on bag; he rarely let either item out of his sight for long. They felt like the only anchors he had that kept him from drifting into despair

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Xander was exhausted, physically, mentally and more importantly spiritually. He had very little confidence left at all in his chances of returning home. He couldn't rest at night without his map and shirt clutched tightly, and even then sleep was fleeting and elusive. London had been a disappointment. He was surprised to note that the Land of Tea and Tweed, as he'd been known to call it, felt a little like home. It had been the center of the New Watcher's Council Headquarters and was the place where the rare Scooby reunions happened whenever an apocalypse called them all together.

This version of London felt the same as his, the atmosphere of the old city was familiar and the feeling of the English was never changing, but it was as if he'd come home after a long vacation to find that someone had rearranged his furniture. After Sunnydale, Xander would probably call London his hometown, and in this London things were off. He would round a corner expecting to see a café and would instead walk past an ice cream shop or he would see a familiar building replaced with one of a different design. It was similar, but different and it was increasingly jarring every time he noticed an anomaly.

The Watchers Council, new or old, simply didn't exist. There was no history of it ever having been founded, in any time period. There were plenty of Giles families in the phone book, but no Rupert Giles and there was no Wyndam-Price family at all. He found a Quentin Travers and a Gwendolyn Post, but there was no power on heaven or earth (either set of them) that would make him call those numbers.

He'd rented a car and driven to Devon in an attempt to locate the coven that had helped Willow with her black magic addiction, but there was no Wiccan presence there. He couldn't even find a tourist shop selling so much as a decorative crystal prism or ritually useless potpourri.

Leaving England he had tried everywhere. He visited Carnac in France, the Mariacki Church in Poland and scoured every bookstore and crypt filled cemetery in Prague and found nothing. Walking away with empty hands and an increasingly empty heart every time.

He'd had big expectations for Rome, even after nothing panned out in London, but not one of the cities many religious bookstores had anything beyond Catholic spirituality. He had finally exhausted his belief in the typical magicks and magecraft being available to him. He was going to have to return to Africa and avail himself of the shamanistic magic he'd been exposed to there. He knew a basic amount of hedge-witchery, but he'd never heard of Shamanism being able to transport anything from world to world outside of spirit walking. He hoped that, if nothing else, he could find a way to contact Willow or one of the Council's spiritually sensitive members, to at least tell them where he was.

He had no doubt that the gang would do everything in their power to find him once they realized he hadn't checked in, but there were so many things that could have happened to him, dimensional portal wasn't even in the top 10. The original Scoobies would never stop searching for him until they found out exactly what had befallen him, but it might take years for them to track him down among the infinite alternate dimensions. Even he wasn't sure exactly where he was in relation to home. He wasn't one to sit idly and wait for rescue anyways- he needed to actively participate.

So, Xander was heading to Africa. He just had one place left to look first. He had struck up a conversation with an old woman in one of Rome's more famous bookstores and she had managed to pry an almost completely truthful version of his story from him. She had looked deep into him with an odd gleam in her eyes and told him that he should travel to Volterra if he wanted help. The city, she claimed, was steeped in power and magics beyond mortal comprehension and if the answers he sought existed, it was the only place in the world he was likely to find them.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Volterra was a beautiful city, perched on a sandstone ridge between the Era and Cecina river valleys and circled by ancient walls. It was surrounded by soft rolling hills and lavish woodlands interrupted only by bare, plunging yellow clay walled cliffs, rifts and chasms. The rivers wound their way through deep valleys strewn with tributary streams, brooks and waterfalls, leading to an abundance of lush greenery.

The city roads were narrow and winding, cobbled with ancient brick and presided over by buildings nearly as old as the stone they were built from. The only bookstore Xander could find was buried deep in a labyrinth of side streets. A bell jangled somewhere in the dim depths of the store as he entered, but no one seemed to be around. He'd seen every size and shape of bookstore and library over the last few years but in this small dusty store he felt a tingling of power he had never encountered anywhere else in this world. Eagerly he approached the nearest shelf and began browsing the titles for anything familiar or promising.

Like several of its predecessors there was no organizational system in place and only a thorough search would reveal any treasures held within these heavily loaded and sagging wooden shelves. Xander quickly lost himself in his search scanning row after row of books. Reaching the end of a row he quickly turned the corner to the next shelf, bumping into someone he hadn't seen or heard, despite standing so close. Impacting hard with the unexpectedly solid form he reeled back and nearly fell, but was caught by cold hands before he could hit the floor.

Surprised, he looked up to meet a beautiful pale aristocratic face framed by flowing black hair and bearing milky red eyes. _Vampire._ He thought, quickly putting the clues together.

The strange man looked at him in amusement, bearing overly bleached and incredibly sharp teeth in a parody of a smile. "Well, aren't you an interesting one." He purred in barely accented English. "To have seen so much in such a short life. You are a fierce warrior indeed."

Xander was very aware of the cold skin burning into the flesh of his arm, as the vampire failed to relinquish his hold. _crapcrapCrapCRAP, Why does the universe hate me? Demon magnet Harris strikes again. Carlisle said red eyes meant human eater. "_Um, me. No, not interesting at all. Not even slightly interesting... and much less tasty."

It was obvious that the vampire didn't believe him as the grip on his arms tightened even more. "It seems we have things to talk about, my young friend. I am called Aro."

"Xander." He replied automatically. _Talking. I can do talking. It's so much better than eating…_ He didn't see more than a blur of motion before the world turned black.

"A pleasure to meet you, Alexander."

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Aro, it turned out, was one of the foremost vampires in the world. He was one of the co-leaders of the Volturi coven and was regarded as a sort of vampire royalty. He could read a person's entire history with a touch, which explained his sudden fixation on Xander. He was intrigued by the existence of multiple dimensions and other breeds of vampire.

Xander woke from his forced nap to find himself locked in a lavish suite of rooms. After that first meeting, the vampire was unable to get past the hyena and read his thoughts and memories. Instead, Aro visited him on a daily basis to pester him verbally with questions about his past and experiences with magic. Seeing no reason not to tell the vampire, and hoping that entertaining his curiosity would keep Xander alive, he had answered everything. Aro had eventually heard Xander's entire life's story and had offered immortality and a place in his court. He claimed a fondness for the mortal and a desire to be the focus of his unwavering loyalty.

Xander rejected the idea immediately. He had no plans to be a blood sucker, now or ever. It didn't matter if he would keep his soul or not. He was the 'normal' Scooby and proud of it. He wasn't tempted by the thought of super powers if the price was his ability to live his human life.

After several visits that ended with a vehement Xander rejecting every persuasive offer Aro made, he brought another vampire with him, a woman named Chelsea. Her gift, the elder vampire explained, was the ability to twist and reshape bonds. The vampire leader attempted to have the woman manipulate his loyalty to the Scoobies and amend it so that Aro was the focus instead.

Much to their surprise and Xander's vindictive delight, due to the fact that the relationships were anchored in another dimension they were too strong to be transformed by Chelsea's hand. After that disastrous meeting Aro had introduced him to Jane and Alec, but neither pain nor sensual deprivation would change the mortal's mind. Pain was an old companion, as evidenced by the scars on his body, and the hyena prevented any prolonged loss of his senses from being harmful to his psyche.

"Why do you persist in rejecting me? Have I not played the most gracious host? Have I not seen to your every need and offered you everything?"

"Most 'gracious hosts' allow their guests to leave when they want to." Xander snarled. Aro's constant pestering combined with his falsely placating manner irritated him beyond reason. "I've told you, if you turn me the first thing I will do with my newborn strength is destroy you. Even if you turn me, you will never have my allegiance."

"And without your allegiance I can never let you go." Aro responded mournfully. They had repeated this scene many times and the arguments and counterarguments were all memorized by both parties. They could easily have switched roles; they were so familiar with each other's stances. "I cannot continue this game with you forever, Alexander, no matter how much amusement if brings me. So, I offer you a wager; a one time chance to be free."

Xander's eyes narrowed. No way was Aro making it easy to leave. "What's the catch?"

"If I win you swear your undying loyalty to me, if you win I will let you go." Aro studied him intently.

Xander thought furiously. This was more of a chance than Aro had ever offered before, but the consequences were nearly unacceptable. Still, there was no one who was coming to his rescue, he would have to get himself out and this could be his only opportunity. He met Aro's eyes squarely, "I agree."

The vampire's smile was sharkish and sent a shiver of foreboding down Xander's spine. "Excellent."

Another vampire entered. "This is Demetri. He has expressed a desire to learn to control his bite. I was hoping to give him the opportunity to show his restraint, here today."

With widening eyes and horror coiling in his stomach, Xander realized what type of bet Aro was alluding to. "Freedom through death or being turned and bound to your service- Has anyone ever told you that you're an unbelievable bastard?"

The vampire just smirked at his dismay, "Most do not have the courage."

Xander just sneered at him, "That's me, defiant to the end. Death isn't much of a consolation prize, but I'll take what I can get."

"Ah, but this isn't the end. This is a glorious new beginning for us. You will make a wonderful addition to the Volturi, Alexander. I simply cannot wait for your gifts to reveal themselves. You will be spectacular as a vampire."

With a gesture from Aro, Demetri stepped forward and easily forced Xander back onto the bed. The one-eyed mortal struggled desperately but could do nothing against the vampire's implacable strength. Almost gently, his head was forced to one side and then all he knew was pain as teeth ripped into his throat. It seemed to go on forever, intensifying as the venom began to burn its way into his body.

Eventually, his senses returned from the pain to his surroundings as he felt the body on top of him disappear and heard Aro shout, "I said that's enough!"

It seemed that Demetri didn't have the necessary willpower to remove himself from the bloodlust, so Aro had done it for him. It was just too bad that the Italian vampire had managed to remove a decent chunk of Xander's throat when he attempted to maintain his grip on his meal. The ex-Scooby could feel his blood seeping out of his throat and pooling on the bed behind his head and shoulder. His only rather hysterical thought was that it was rather strange that in all of his years fighting the darkness, this was the very first time he'd ever been bitten by a vampire. He decided distantly that it wasn't very pleasant, and he wouldn't be recommending it to anyone.

Soon, Xander could feel his heart slowing and knew that there was no way he would survive the length of time it would take for his body to transform. His head lolled to the side bonelessly and he made eye contact with a furious Aro. He just had to laugh at the look on the vampire's face, even if his chuckles came out as little more than a gurgle. "Looks like I won."

With that sentiment he gave into the pain of the venom and convulsed, until the strain of the change caused his heart to stutter and fall silent.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Xander's first thought when the days of excruciating pain finally stopped was that he didn't feel evil. He'd always assumed that being turned into a vampire, souled or not would come with some deep sense of cruelty or at least arrogance. He also noted that he had no desire to go purchase an entirely black and red wardrobe or any leather pants. He opened his eyes cautiously and studied the high arched ceiling above him for a moment. A movement to the side drew his attention and he found Aro sitting at his bedside studying him intently.

"It seems that my predictions were correct. You truly are a stunning specimen of our race, Alexander. Welcome to the Volturi."

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

It had been years since that first moment of his new life. Xander's crimson eyes were cold as they looked over the windswept ocean in front of him. He had often cursed his 'White Knight' complex for making him keep to his side of the bargain they'd made over his turning. His loyalty would forever be tied to Aro, keeping his honor by maintaining that promise was the only thing he had left. That unwavering loyalty was the only remnant from the goofy mortal Scooby he had once been, everything else had been methodically stripped away. Killing and feeding on humans no longer incited even a twitch of sympathy in his deadened and forever silent heart. He had become stoic and silent, no longer filling the silence with chatter and inane jokes. He held no hopes or dreams for the future, following his orders with a methodical and clinical detachment.

He wasn't often emotionally affected by assignments, but this particular mission was tied intricately into his past. Aro had grown impatient with a particular Coven of vegetarian vampires and had mobilized a team to bring them to heel, or if necessary, destroy them. Xander was to lead his team in battle against the Cullens. It was funny how the past could follow you and affect things years into the future.

As he stared blankly out over the wind tossed grey waters he wondered how the Cullens had fared over the years. Part of him hoped they had continued to live in that idyllic peace they had seemed to have found. The 'younger' Cullens would have all graduated recently and would be attending their first years of college, as far as the humans around them knew. It would soon be time for them to move on from Forks. It was strangely surreal to have returned to the place where it all began. It should have been soothing or cathartic to have come full circle or perhaps he should have some aversion to the horror of what he planned for the gentle family, but he felt neither of those things. All he felt was the desire to complete his mission as quickly and efficiently as possible and return to Italy. He turned to Jane, his lieutenant for this mission and nodded once before turning away from his thoughts and leaving the seaside behind him, "Let's go."

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Rosalie had fallen first. They had descended on her in force and torn her body apart as she hunted alone mere miles from the safety of her family. She was quickly torched with their magnesium flares even as the rest of her Coven futilely rushed to her rescue.

Edward fell to Jane's power, forced into a near catatonic state as he was forced to feel not only his own pain, but the collective pain of his entire family. Alec had ensnared Esme and Alice, but Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle were left free to face Xander. Their golden eyes held nothing but grief and anger, even as they forced back the shock of seeing the wayward dimension traveler again.

With a bitter smile and a mocking bow the battle was on. No words were exchanged, they were unnecessary. The Cullens were at first surprised, then horrified as he held his own against three of them. He matched them blow for blow easily for a time, before impossibly speeding up. Only Edward could have matched his speed, but the fastest of the Cullens was still disabled. He toyed with them for a while before growing bored and deciding to end it. He launched a flurry of blows, disorienting his opponents, and then disengaged, seeming to disappear. The moment he was gone there was an echoing round of gunfire as Xander's reserve troops disabled the Coven with high powered armor piercing rounds. Stone skin or not, even vampire powers were no match for the military ingenuity of humanity.

He watched them fall without experiencing a trace of remorse, even as some small struggling light in his chest guttered and died out. With the delivery of the heavily damaged coven, Aro was delighted at the proof that his ownership of Xander and his loyalties was complete and unchallenged.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

It had taken him a long time to come this far, but he'd finally done it. Lighting the last candle Xander stepped back to survey his work. Complicated patterns were drawn in chalk around a small rough hewn stone altar, his spell ingredients stacked neatly to one side. He had seen Willow cast this teleportation spell numerous times, and had even been drafted to mark out her circles a time or two.

He had debated with himself for months about this, but his decision was firm and he had reached and passed the point of no return. There was obviously no magical or supernatural community in this world, and he was on his own to get home. He had carefully written out everything he remembered from various spells and rituals that might be useful. He had a surprising amount of second hand experience from his years of watching Willow, Tara and Giles do their thing. Keeping in mind everything he knew about how magic worked, he had cobbled together a spell as close to the original as his memory could create. He had no illusions of his chances for this working, but he was out of options. He was tired and lonely and just wanted to go home.

So it was with very little surprise that he felt the immense power of the spell turn on him in the middle of his ritual. His last thought as the roiling energies tore him apart at a molecular level was a prayer that the afterlife be the same for both worlds.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Empty red eyes bore into the shocked Cullens as the much changed Xander confronted them. His promise to Aro was all that bound him, and so he would abide by his once honorable character. He gave them one chance. "My mission is to capture or kill you all. Although I have sworn myself to Aro, I cannot help but feel some residual gratitude to your family for the care you once showed me. Your only option to stop me is to destroy me before I can act. Choose."

Esme and Alice sobbed with dry eyes as he placidly allowed Emmett and Jasper to erase the threat to their family.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

In the end he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to destroy the one bit of familiarity he had in this world, oaths and honor be damned. Xander could see the confusion and horror in the golden eyes watching him as the battle group Aro had assigned to him turned their chemical flares on their reluctant leader. He only hoped that the Cullens were able to fight the Volturi off. He would hate to have made a martyr of himself just to have them fall despite his sacrifice.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Claret eyes reflected the burning pyres as Xander went against Aro's specific orders and killed all the Cullens' to spare them the fate of becoming toys for the Volturi. His own fate was set, but they would be forever free of cursed servitude.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"We have to find him."

Alice's mind cleared from the deluge of horrifying futures to meet Edward's equally haunted eyes as he entered the room. "We can't just leave him alone. So many horrible things will happen." She agreed and turned to her family. "If we don't find him and get him to come home… the future is so full of pain and death. For him, for us – if he suffers, everyone will suffer with him."

She turned to Rosalie, the mostly likely to voice an objection. "Sooner or later in every future without us, he comes to the attention of the Volturi. Sometimes they turn him; sometimes they torture and kill him. They break him, and then they send him after us."

"Aro has always wanted your gifts for his own." Carlisle commented.

"With Xander it becomes more possible than ever that he'll succeed." Alice shifted deeper into Jasper's comforting embrace. "If the Volturi are allowed to turn him and force his loyalty he will be the single biggest threat we've come across. The hyena will boost his powers phenomenally and his unusual battle tactics and combat experiences only make him more formidable. I've seen him tear through us easily, I've seen him take down Jasper and Emmett single handedly, or command a team from afar to do the same. His red eyes were so empty and cold." She shuddered.

"Why don't we kill him before he becomes a threat then?" Rose asked. If he was a danger to the family, he needed to die.

"You don't understand." Alice pleaded softly, "I've seen him refuse to give in to them until they tortured him to death, I've seen him pick a fight with the entire court as a newborn to force them to destroy him. I've seen him beg us to kill him before he was forced to kill us. He's so strong, but even his heart and soul can be broken eventually. No one deserves that fate Rose. Xander least of all."

Jasper hugged her tighter. "No one should be forced to kill against their will." He knew that pain better than anyone. "We should do anything in our power to avoid those futures, for him as well as ourselves."

"He's all alone in this world. We can't just abandon him." Esme was horrified by the possibility that Xander might be tortured. Carlisle squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

"We'll bring him home." He promised her, looking to each of his children for agreement.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

Route 101 – A real road that starts in Forks and heads towards Seattle. It passes through the towns of Beaver and Sappho on the way, but passes by Joyce. Seriously, those are the town names. I google mapped it. Go check it out.

Santa Barbara – Every time a map of Sunnydale showed up in the Buffy series a relabeled map of Santa Barbara was used

"_The Science of Vampires_" really exists. It's by author Katherine Ramsland if you're interested.

My vision of the Volturi has them cast as villains. From what I know this isn't true to the original series, but I haven't read the books, so all my knowledge comes from Wiki and googling character bios. And SOMEONE needed to be a villain.

I was writing Xander's first death scene there and 'Laugh I Nearly Died' came on in my iTunes shuffle. I cracked up.

I LOATHE this chapter, so I'm giving up on it, posting it as is and moving on. I've been fiddling with it for too long without actually changing it at all. Thank you for being so patient with me. I'm going crosseyed trying to edit it, so please drop me a note if I missed anything.

-Lightning_skies sees Foreversnobody's shirt-

FN's Shirt: "And then Buffy staked Edward, THE END"

LS: "HMMMM. Maybe."

X: "Don't even think about it."

LS: -Whines- "But-"

X: "No!"

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

6,110 Words - 12 Pages - 08/13/09


	7. The Joy of Reading

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Story Spoilers/Warnings/Disclaimer can be found in the first chapter. Warnings for chapters will be posted in each individual chapter.

Warnings - None

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts _

-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

NOTE – YES! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO START EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE LAST CHAPTER!

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 7 – The Joy of Reading =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

After Xander left the Cullen's household it was took him the better part of the afternoon to make it to the nearest high traffic road. Well, the 101 was as high traffic as roads could be in a place like Forks. He picked a direction randomly, trying to remember which way Carlisle had taken to the hospital and started walking. What felt like an eternity later, he was still going, no cars had passed, in either direction and he had resigned himself to walking the whole way to Forks. He was pleasantly surprised to hear the purr of an engine coming up behind him, heading in the right direction to try hitching. He spun himself around to walk backwards and flung out a thumb hopefully.

He turned in just enough time to see an eye-searingly bright yellow Porsche come into view. It was a car that would have fit right in back in sunny So-Cal, but was glaringly out of place in the watery light filtering through the endless sea of dense forest around him. He wondered what kind of driver chose a car like that and lived somewhere as dreary as Forks. It was probably either someone desperate for some small splash of color in their life or someone whose time amongst the too quiet forests had driven them to eccentricity.

With that thought fresh in his mind, he wasn't all that surprised when the car pulled up to stop next to him and it turned out to be Alice grinning at him from the driver's seat with a smile as bright as her car's paintjob. Jasper, who had been sitting placidly in the passenger seat, climbed out and pulled his seat forward, pointedly and non-verbally telling Xander that he was all but captured and he was expected to come quietly.

With a mental sigh, he plodded up to the car and winced when he realized that it only came up to his chest and had a back seat sized perfectly to give him flashbacks to the time Larry shoved him in his locker in junior high. He looked pleadingly at Jasper, but even his best pathetic Do-I-Have-To? face only got an un-sympathetic raised brow in return. In that moment the Southern vamp reminded him strongly of Oz and as he clambered very ungracefully into the car (managing to bang both shins and an elbow as well as catching his duffle on something, nearly strangling himself with the strap before composing his limbs comfortably) he wondered idly what the short, quiet and occasionally furry musician had been up to the past few years.

As it turned out, Alice really was incredibly tiny and with her seat moved far enough forward for her to reach the gas pedal, he had plenty of room in what should have been a terribly cramped back seat. He luxuriated in the unexpected comfort for a moment as Jasper latched his seat back into place and sat down. He looked up from contemplating how delightfully un-smooshed his knees were to see both vampires had turned around and were considering him thoughtfully. He stared back for a long moment, feeling more and more like a bug under a magnifying glass, hunching his shoulders a bit and adopting a guilty look under the pressure, until Alice finally broke the tension.

"Hi!"

"Yeah, um. Hey." He returned lamely, not really sure what they wanted. He was already regretting getting in the car. He was helplessly trapped in a too-small backseat (no matter what his earlier thoughts to the contrary) and totally surrounded. He just knew that any second they were going to start in on the interrogation, shining a bright light in his face, asking him all sorts of uncomfortable questions and forcing him to talk by threatening to make him listen to polka- or something. -P_robably something more alarming and less incredibly stupid.-_

"If you needed a ride somewhere you should have just said something, silly. We don't live near- Well, anything really, and we aren't horrible enough hosts to make you walk all the way back to civilization by yourself." Alice's smile hadn't dimmed even slightly and he was glad for her sake that her facial muscles were vampire strong, because for any mortal to hold that expression would have been agony after the first minute or so. If she weren't so adorable it would be kinda creepy.

"Sorry." Xander looked away sheepishly. "I guess I just got used to walking everywhere while I was in Africa." It was a lame excuse and he knew it. From their faces they knew it too, but were obviously willing to let him get away with his blatant lie. –_Plenty of denial to go around._-

"Well, don't do it again." Her mock chastisement done, Alice turned back around and gripped the wheel, choosing to relieve the pressure of the conversation a bit by looking at him indirectly through the rearview mirror. "So, since we've already come all the way out here to track you down, where to?"

-_I can't just say that I was going to hitch to the nearest large city and not look back_- Xander thought fast. "I was thinking of heading into town to check out the bookstores, maybe find something on interplanar travel or magical communication. I do need to get home eventually. My friends will be looking for me soon if they aren't already."

"We know the locations of the local bookstores." Jasper offered, finally turning around to face forward again, relieving Xander of the weight of his scrutiny.

"We'll give you the whole grand tour." Alice chimed in cheerfully, glad that initial contact had gone so smoothly. Now they just needed to find a way to keep Xander from running off again.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"We'll bring him home."

"Jasper and I will go." Alice told Carlisle. "I know where he is and Jazz can help me figure out what he's thinking and feeling."

"I'll come too." Edward was anxious to avert the horrible futures he could still see playing out in Alice's mind. He wouldn't wish those events on anyone, but Xander was a special case. He had a vested interest in keeping this particular human close and safe. Edward tried not to think too deeply on the emotional reasons he wanted the human safe. He spent even less time analyzing why he felt the need to bundle the one-eyed mystery man up and hide him away from the world so that nothing could ever hurt him. He smiled a bit at the thought of the reaction he'd get if he ever tried.

"Actually, Edward, it would probably be better if you all stayed here." Jasper spoke up; finally shaking off the effects of the emotional deluge that had swamped him. "He's much more mentally fragile than any of us suspected. All that negativity and pain is right under the surface. The last thing we want to do is give him the sense of being cornered or coerced."

Despite the surge of protective jealousy he felt sluice through him at Jasper's words; Edward reluctantly acquiesced, seeing their truth and not wanting to scare Xander off. Jasper met his eyes steadily, knowing exactly how he was feeling.

"We'll bring him back, Edward. Alice and I won't let anything happen to him."

Alice laid a hand on Edward's arm, smiling up at him gently. "Can't you see? It's already changing."

Edward met her sympathetic eyes as he looked into her mind, searching through the fading and changing images with a growing sense of relief. Finally satisfied, he smiled at Alice. She returned it with a brilliant smile of her own and vanished with Jasper.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"So, what do we do?" Alice whispered to her mate as they watched Xander disappear into the stacks at the local bookstore. "We know he's not going to find anything. How do we keep him from breaking down?" She fought down a feeling of helplessness.

Their plan hadn't consisted of much more than tracking the human down and fixing him emotionally. She could see all the possible futures she wanted, but human emotions were never her strong suit. She couldn't remember her life before she was turned and felt very little connection with mortal wants and needs. Luckily, with his gift Jasper was an expert in this particular field and could take the lead.

"The easiest thing to do would be to distract him." Jasper replied after a moment of thought. "It would only be a diversionary and delay tactic, but it will give us enough time to come up with something else." With a small nod to himself he wandered off, getting lost among the books and leaving Alice staring after him. He seemed to have a plan, but she couldn't see the outcome of it yet.

"Distract him? With what?" She questioned, calling after him in low tones, "Jasper?"

His only response was a near silent, "You'll see." that floated back from beyond the shelves.

"I don't see though." She pouted, before following him.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Xander was flipping quickly through "The "Supernatural" Book of Monsters, Spirits, Demons, and Ghouls." He had thought it was promising, but it was turning out to be a monster guide to some TV show. Looked fairly cool, two hot guys in a cool car fighting evil. If he was home he might think of watching it, but ultimately the book was not all that useful here in the real world. He was startled out of his perusal when a giant stack of books was dropped on the table next to him.

He looked up to find Jasper watching him with an unsettlingly mischievous look in his eyes. Deciding he didn't want to know what that was all about, he turned his attention to the stack of textbook sized books on the table. He poked one of the books warily, as if it were planning to sprout teeth to ravage his delicate extremity. "What's this?"

"'World History: The Human Experience' 'The United States: A History of the Republic' 'US History for Dummies' 'Europe: A History' 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to European History' 'Modern History: From the European Age to the New Global Era' 'The History of the Ancient World: From the Earliest Accounts to the Fall of Rome' 'History and Society'…" Jasper pointed to each book in turn as he listed them off, burgundy eyes glinting merrily.

With each name Xander's face grew more horrified. Hoping he was just interpreting this whole situation wrong he looked back at the walking Civil War tribute. "…And, what? You're shopping for doorstops?" -_And that smile isn't scary at all. Nope. Not one bit.-_

"You are temporarily stranded in a completely unknown place. It is important that you make sure that events have progressed the same here as they did in your home. You will need a thorough education of the world, and these books will provide a good start."

"Start?" Xander squeaked, staring at what had to be over three thousand pages of textbook. Xander looked helplessly at Alice for help. "I thought you said you weren't evil?"

Alice giggled merrily at Jasper's successful plan of distraction. "I never said we weren't evil, just that we were vegetarians."

With a groan Xander buried his face in his hands, slouching down in his chair. The Supernatural book dropped to the floor, forgotten as Jasper and Alice shared a brief smile over his bowed head.

She couldn't resist poking fun at his obvious dismay, "Don't worry, Jasper's a bit of a history buff. He can help you study."

Her answer was a further slumping of his shoulders and a muffled. "Great, that's just fantastic. I'm so glad to hear that he'll enjoy torturing me."

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Xander stood up with a stretch. "Well, thinking is hard work. As fascinating as it is that Sacagawea founded America in 1968, I can't read anymore. The words are just floating around on the page, taunting me. I think it's just about time for the pet human's din-din and walkies." He turned to look at his impromptu history teacher pleadingly. "Please, please, please- let me be done."

Jasper frowned a little at the horribly incorrect fact Xander had made up, "Well, if that's the only information you absorbed, I don't think we should stop. History is important."

"Yeah, yeah. Remember lest you be cursed to repeat it. Sacagawea - Louis and Clark, 1968 - Martin Luther King Jr., Vietnam stuff Etc. Etc. C'mon Jazz. I can't take anymore. I'm dying here. I think my stomach is eating itself."

The stoic Texan cracked a smile at the beseeching whine in the human's tone. Although fact checking and comparing the history of the world had started as an excuse to distract the human, he had found it surprisingly refreshing to take on the role of teacher; being able to share his love of history hadn't hurt either. Despite his flippant tone and near constant quips Xander had applied himself diligently for several hours straight without asking for a break.

"He's right you know." Alice looked up from her book, curiously on the subject of dream interpretation, to join in. "You've been studying for over two hours and he's starting to look a little wilted around the edges. I hear humans need plenty of food and sunlight to flourish."

"See! Even Alice thinks you're taking bad care of me. You should be ashamed." Xander waggled a finger at Jasper disapprovingly, Alice matching his expression perfectly. The mortal blushed scarlet when his stomach growled out its agreement.

With a brief laugh Jasper gave in, "I see I'm outvoted. Alright, since you're giving me lessons in the care of humans, where are we going for dinner?"

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"MMMMM. Grease." Xander salivated over his burger and fries. "I'm so glad you have fast food here. It's been too long."

Alice looked at his tray with an expression of total disgust. "I don't think you could pay me enough to eat something like that, even if I needed to eat and was starving to death."

Jasper nodded his agreement, adding more diplomatically. "It's not very appetizing."

"Well, then, it's a good thing I'm eating it, not putting it on display." Xander bit into his huge bacon cheeseburger, dripping with melted cheese and bacon grease, over exaggerating his enthusiasm with a moan. "It may be a heart attack waiting to happen, but I was never gonna live forever anyway."

A dark look crossed his face and Jasper's attention was immediately drawn by the swirling emotion he exuded. In an instant masks and guards fell back into place and the pain leeched away as if it had never been there. It didn't go far, with a light push the empathetic vampire could sense it lurking behind the mortal's haunted eye and façade of humor.

Dipping a French fry in his ketchup and biting off the end, Xander chewed thoughtfully for a moment before waving the stubby bit he was still holding at Jasper. "Ok, I have a question. Why are you so uncomfortable around me? I can see you relaxing a little whenever I move away and tensing when I get closer. What's up with that?"

Jasper's ever-present frown deepened noticeably as Alice spoke up for him, as was apparently her habit, she must have been the unofficial Cullen family representative. "Jasper's the newest to embrace our unique... lifestyle."

"Hmm? Oh! You mean the vegetarian thing." He stared at the quiet man for a long moment, watching as the Texan's eyes flitted to rest on everything in front of him that wasn't breathing and pumping blood through its veins. As Xander watched him focus on the salt and pepper shakers he spoke, "Jasper, look at me. Do you want to bite me?"

Startled, those red-gold eyes locked on to his, before falling away quickly as the Southerner admitted quietly, "…Yes."

"Why?"

His shock at Xander's straightforwardness gave way to confusion as he tried to understand what the mortal was asking him. "I don't…"

Taking pity on the vamp, since he'd pried into a sensitive subject with his questioning, Xander elaborated. "Is it because you know I'd taste good? Is it the thrill of holding power over my life or death? Is it simply because you're hungry?" He held his arms open in invitation, still holding his half-eaten French fry. "I'm right here. What's stopping you?"

"I don't legally exist here. No friends or family to come looking for me, so if you screw up and I end up dead. So what? No one knows I'm here. The only thing you'll really have to worry about is getting rid of the body. This is the Rockies; bodies disappear rather easily, so no worries Jazz. It's not the end of the world; take it from an expert on Apocalypses. I'm touched you care though. Real warm and squishy inside, or maybe that's just the blood still flowing through my veins that you've admirably restrained yourself from so far."

Jasper glanced at Alice hoping to get her thoughts on this bizarre turn to their conversation. She looked as surprised and mystified as he felt.

"Don't look at Alice. Her food is her choice. The many special diets and salad-only binges my friends went on never once discouraged my Twinkie eating. Do you think she'd leave you if you killed me? That any of them would? Why do You, Jasper, hold yourself back? Why do You put yourself through the pain you're obviously in? What's Your reason?" He emphasized each question by leaning forward a little more and poking his half eaten fry at the vampire.

"I couldn't stand to feel them die anymore." Was the quietly defeated response.

Xander sat back, ruminating on this new fact, turning it over in his head and thinking it out. "So, it's not that you don't want to drink human blood, it's that you don't want to kill. If you could drink your fill of human blood without hurting anyone would you be okay in public or would people be at risk? Is it an alcoholic type thing where one sip ruins all your hard work or more of a drug withdrawal thing where going cold turkey dooms you to failure without a massive amount of willpower?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I do have a point, I promise. Please just answer." Xander watched the perfectly still vampire carefully.

"I think I'd be alright if I fed. Animals just leave me hungry. Being around humans- it's like they all walk around with the one thing I want the most but cannot have."

"Well," Xander smiled. "That's easy enough to fix." He finally popped his pointer-fry into his mouth and grimaced a little at how cold it'd gotten.

"What? We can't feed without loosing control, to drink human blood someone would have to die. And even if he did manage to control himself the venom from the bite would turn them. Are you suggesting he just go kill or turn someone?" Alice definitely wasn't following his train of thought. It was a good thing he was used to explaining himself and his huge leaps of logic and intuition.

"Not at all. Why don't you just have Carlisle bring you home some medical blood from the hospital? Spike always said that it wasn't as good as straight from the vein, but still infinitely better than animal. Except otter. For some reason he really liked otter blood. You don't even have to drink it cold; just stick it in the microwave for a bit to get it back up to arterial temp."

The two vampires just stared at him in shock.

"What? No-one gets hurt, no-one dies. No fuss, no muss- and can I just say, what the hell is muss? Anyway, if Carlisle takes the stuff marked for destruction, the stuff that's got sickle cell or expired or has drugs or infections or whatever- then not even the people needing transfusions suffer. Jasper can wean himself off of it or keep drinking it as he chooses. It upholds the sentiment if not the specifics of your lifestyle. It all works out. The only thing you need to worry about is explaining the red eyes, which I'm assuming you already have a cover for."

With that last sentiment, Xander stood and carried his tray to the trash mourning the cold fries and ignorant of the bemused looks sent his way by the grateful couple behind him. He had quickly and efficiently seen through their biggest heartache to a solution they'd never thought of. If they had expressed their thanks, he would have told them it was just part of who he was to try to fix things for people. It was their fortune to have found him and his good luck that he had finally found people who could see and appreciate that aspect of who he was without him even having to say anything.

If Xander could have heard their thoughts in that moment he would have smacked himself. Despite his plans to leave, he was making connections left and right. It had started when he intrigued Edward, teased Carlisle, humored Esme's mothering instinct, joked with Emmett and held his own against an angry Rosalie. He had just earned the eternal loyalty of Alice and Jasper. He didn't know it yet, but he'd been officially accepted by all the members of the Cullen clan and they were more determined than ever to mend the cracked and broken spirit of their human.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

Really short chapter here- or short for me anyway. It's only half the size of the last one.

The Porsche was taken from the official list of Twilight vehicles from Meyer's website.

All the books listed are real, I googled for them.

-Xander complains about CH 6-  
X: "You killed me off, turned me into a vamp, made me kill the Cullens, made the Cullens kill me, killed me off again and then it was just 'Oops. It's not real?!'"  
LS: "Pretty much, yeah."  
X: "Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep? Do You? And it was all for NOTHING?!"  
LS: "Um, I'm sorry?"  
X: "You're sorry? You're SORRY? Do you know what the worst part was?"  
LS: "Being turned into a vampire?"  
X: "No. The absolute worst part is that you stuck me with an OC based off of your least favorite uncle for FOUR HOURS! You've had to sit through those damn fish conversations, why would you do that to me?"  
LS: "Sorry. It was an angsty, torturous chapter and I couldn't think of anything worse than being stuck talking to him."  
X: -Pouts- "You're evil."  
LS: -Pats his head- "Better get used to it, it's probably not going to change anytime soon."

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

3,597 Words - 7 Pages - 09/22/09


	8. The Obligatory Shower Scene

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers/Pairings/Disclaimer – See first chapter

Warnings: Hinted non-con

"Dialogue"

_Thoughts _

-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 8 – The Obligatory Shower Scene =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

It was the dead of night, that late hour when even nocturnal animals had gone about their business and returned to their dens, when a small noise drew Edward's attention. Listening hard, he caught it again. There was a heartbreakingly sad sound coming from his room- Xander's room. He wondered what the mortal was dreaming about that could cause him to make such forlorn whimpers. Putting his book down he met Jasper's worried eyes across the living-room. When the soft noise came yet again a moment later he quickly nodded to his brother and went upstairs. Silently, he let himself into the darkened room, closing the door quietly behind him in a universal gesture asking his family for as much privacy as could be found in a house full of people with super senses. He didn't think Xander would want the whole family overhearing him in such a vulnerable moment. Edward had found over the years that even the illusion of privacy could be soothing.

He found the brunette spread across the lounge-bed with his legs tangled tightly in his bedding, he had apparently thrown the blankets half off in his sleep. Every muscle was rigid and his position couldn't possibly have been comfortable. As Edward watched, Xander's head thrashed on the pillow and the human keened softly with some unnamed grief, pain written across his face. With a shock, Edward realized that Xander had taken off his eyepatch to sleep. He was overly aware of the absence of that one little scrap of cloth. Seeing Xander's whole face without permission made him feel like a voyeur, as if he were seeing something highly intimate.

At first glance it was just a face like any other, not possessing any stunning beauty or hideous deformities, but when you looked more carefully it was easy to see the sunken lid and pale circle of delicate, untanned and scarred skin. On anyone else it would have been mostly unremarkable, but this was Xander and Edward felt as if he were being intrusive. An intense desire to apologize to the unconscious and unaware mortal for being nosy swept through him, but he was shaken out of his thoughts when the one-eyed face turned away from his staring and the tanned body twisted itself deeper into the sheets.

Edward crept closer to the distressed man, not sure of what he could do. None of his family slept- hadn't in a very long time and he had no idea of how to deal with Xander's subconscious pain. He wanted to take away whatever dark shadow was haunting him, but emotional trauma wasn't as easy to face as a physical threat and didn't heal with a simple bandage like a flesh wound. It would be so much easier if he could read the human's thoughts. Dreams were fuzzy and unfocused, but he could usually still get at least a vague feeling of their content from any normal human mind, but Xander wasn't a normal human. Edward spent his entire existence trying to ignore the deluge of foreign thoughts forced on him from every person he came into contact with, he couldn't even escape it when he was at home. His family did their best to think quietly, but completely silencing their internal monologues was impossible. Now, the one time his gift could be useful, the one time he desperately wanted to help someone, he couldn't hear even a whisper of thought. He had finally found his silence and he hated it.

He suspected than even if he could hear his thoughts, he wouldn't understand the mortal any better. Xander was a complicated person and Edward could see himself spending years of intense study to even begin to unravel his mysteries and getting to know the younger man. The vampire perched himself on the edge of the daybed, settling to rest his hip alongside the sleeping man's thigh. His gold eyes looked down on the human consideringly for a long moment. Remembering how his touch had seemed to soothe the brunette before, he leaned over and reached out a hand to brush the hair away from Xander's face. Edward was surprised by how very soft it was running over his fingertips.

He had been afraid that his cold touch might disturb or wake the warm blooded human up, but Xander's rapidly flickering eyelid and pinched expression eased as he repeatedly ran his fingers through the shaggy thatch of dark waves. With a sleepy and unintelligible murmur, some of the tension seemed to melt out of the human's form and Xander turned onto his side, curling around Edward. His warmth slowly spread its way through Edward's body, easing the permanent chill.

Edward lulled himself into a sort of meditative state, the closest he would ever get to sleeping, letting his mind blank out and focusing his senses on the heat radiating into his leg and immersing himself completely in the feeling of his fingers slowly dragging through Xander's hair again and again in a comforting rhythm. A peace he hadn't felt in a long time crept over him, releasing him from the rigid self control he always focused at least part of his mind on. He could spend the rest of eternity like this and be happy, Edward realized, his hand pausing with the implications of that as he stared down at the man practically in his lap.

Suddenly, Xander grabbed Edward's arm in a punishingly strong grasp that would have bruised a human. Edward looked down into an open and bright green eye in shock. The hyena inhabiting Xander spoke one word in Edward's mind, _Protect,_ in that same raspy, growling voice he'd heard before. A blast of pure spiritual energy washed over the vampire and Edward slumped limply next to the human, losing consciousness for the first time in over a hundred years.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

When he opened his eyes again, Edward found himself standing in a typical high-school hallway, the walls were lined with lockers and florescent lights glowed dimly overhead. The hallway ran for a short distance before dissolving into an impenetrable darkness just a few feet from him in each direction, leaving him standing in an brief circle of checkered linoleum floating in a dark void. Choosing a direction randomly, Edward began walking as he stretched his senses as far as he could in an attempt to figure out what had happened. He was disturbed to find that he couldn't hear anything, not even the hum of the lights above him, and there was no smell of anyone having ever been here, not even the people who must have built the school. He couldn't even smell the metal in the lockers or the linoleum under his feet, his footsteps were dull and didn't echo the way they should have. His senses didn't feel deadened, and he felt as mentally sharp as ever, so where was he that even the objects he could see and touch didn't exist to his other senses.

Breaking into a run, Edward followed the unchanging hallway for what felt like forever, he must have traveled forty miles or more without even so much as a break in the wall of lockers. Stopping abruptly, he whirled to look back the way he had come, but was faced with nothing but blackness. He was beginning to get frightened. He was an immortal creature so long as he wasn't killed and there weren't any threats here, what if he were stuck here for eternity. How long would it take him to go mad in this tiny isolated island of high-school?

"HELLO?!"

"IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?"

Edward slumped against the nearest locker despondently, he didn't even notice that he had lost his impeccable posture and was sitting in a comfortably human pose without the total stillness characteristic of vampires. What was he supposed to do now? He closed his eyes and focused on his senses again, hoping to find something he had missed before. He still couldn't hear or smell anything but there was something... He discarded his other senses, concentrating fully on his gift and was rewarded with a murmur of sound. He mentally grabbed at that tiny thready sound and opened his eyes, head tilted to the side as he searched for the direction the sound was coming from. One of the lockers across from him, it looked the same as all of the hundreds of thousands he had passed by in his run, but there was something about it.

Edward inspected the locker carefully, there really wasn't anything obviously special about it. Tentatively he reached out and gently pulled it open. The world swirled around him for a moment and when he regained his equilibrium he was standing in what looked like a library. The shelves were a welcome sight after the endless hallway. The murmur was louder now, rising and falling in the cadence of speech that was just slightly beyond his comprehension. New sounds joined the hum in the back of his mind as he heard the slight shuffling of papers, shifting of a body and rhythmic lub-dub of a heart.

Following the soothing sounds Edward had felt lost without, he emerged from the stacks to find himself on the upper part of a split level library. Looking down over the railing he could see a checkout desk and parts of an office through an open door, directly in front of him was a large table surrounded by chairs and piled high with books. There was a small boy sitting at the table. The table was covered in books of various sizes and colors, but the boy's attention was focused on one large book, held gently in his lap as he flipped through the pages slowly.

"Hello." Edward called out softly, trying not to surprise the boy. He wasn't about to scare off the first person he'd seen in this strange place, especially considering the fact that this kid might be the only other person here.

Without even looking up the boy replied, "You're not supposed to be here."

"Why is that?" Edward approached the boy, noting that the book appeared to be a photo album.

"Nobody comes here. Not since it was destroyed." The child finally looked up and Edward realized with shock that he was looking at a Xander who was about 10 years old. Suddenly, he remembered staring into a bright green eye and the sensation of passing out. What had the hyena done? Was this all in Xander's head?

"But you're here, Xander."

For the first time since he'd entered the room, the boy reacted emotionally, surprise showing in his face and voice. "How do you know my name?"

Edward debated with himself for a long moment before deciding on the truth. If this was really a dream or some type of mental landscape, then this child was Xander and already knew what had happened outside, so no harm would come of saying it. "I met the older you recently. You fell out of a magic portal right in front of my family."

The kid smiled self-depreciatingly, it was horrible to see such a jaded look on a child, especially when he recognized it as an expression that was uncomfortably familiar on the older Xander's face. No one should be that accustomed to putting themselves down. "That sounds like something I'd do. Weren't you scared?"

"Of you?" The kid nodded. "No. You're too friendly and nice to be scary. We like you. Alice and Jasper and- well, maybe not Rosalie, but Emmett and Carlisle and Esme like you, especially Esme."

"It's all a lie." Xander said, turning away as Edward looked at him sharply. "No one likes me. Not for long anyway."

"I don't think that's true." Edward tried to reassure the boy, but was ignored.

Little Xander handed him the photo album. Seeing his reluctance to continue talking, Edward pulled a chair over to sit down next to the boy and holding the album so they could both see it, he began flipping through it slowly. It began with three children, two brunette boys, one of whom was obviously Xander, with a little redheaded girl always sandwiched between them. There were all the typical images of childhood, birthday parties, sleepovers and summers spent in pools. Then when the kids had grown to their mid-teens one of the boys disappeared and a blonde girl took his place.

"He died." Little Xander whispered softly, trailing a finger over the last picture of the other boy.

This new trio was present in all the following pictures, sometimes others appeared, usually an older man in glasses, a brunette woman who held herself with the same arrogance as Rosalie, a shorter teen with wildly colored hair and a variety of band t-shirts, or an older brunette man with a depressed look. Later pictures held a timid looking blonde girl with a kind smile, a pale bleach headed man with a wicked smirk, a confident but confused looking woman whose hair color and style was constantly changing and a young brunette girl with a similar facial structure to the original blonde, probably a sister.

But those three faces, the two girls and Xander, were always present together, until the last pages. In the last photos the blonde smiled happily at the camera from the iconic streets of Rome, the redhead laughed and waved from the bridge in front of Big Ben, the younger brunette sat on a bench at Cambridge University taking a 'The Thinker' pose with a grin. And Xander- Xander wasn't there. Page after page showed these people living their lives in a variety of exotic locations, but Xander was conspicuously absent from all of them.

"Why aren't you in any of these photos?" Edward asked, feeling a slow realization coming over him. He hoped he was wrong.

There was a hitch in the kid's breathing; "Because I wasn't there." came the soft reply. Shaggy brown bangs sheltered Xander's small downturned face. The diminutive shoulders started shaking and the kid snuffled into his sleeve, scrubbing hastily at his face.

"They all left and they never asked." He turned to Edward with tears in his eyes. "Why didn't they ask? Didn't they love me? Wasn't I good enough?"

For a moment Edward was silent, and then he closed the album and put it on the table. Turning to the distraught mini-Xander he gently tousled the young boy's head. He stood up and held his hand out for the boy to take. He knew exactly what the kid- what Xander needed to hear. "Do you want to come with me?"

Timid brown eyes looked up at him hopefully before darting to his extended hand. Tentatively, Xander reached out to brush his fingertips over Edward's palm and when the hand wasn't cruelly withdrawn small fingers clutched at the vampire like a lifeline. As Xander grabbed his hand Edward felt a surge of energy travel between them, and opened his eyes to see that he had returned to his darkened room. He sat up, watching as Xander's brow furrowed for a moment before a chocolate eye fluttered open.

The brunette looked up at him blearily, mind still fogged with sleep. "Edward? What are you…?"

"You were having a nightmare." He said as his hand resumed stroking Xander's hair automatically.

"Oh. Sorry, if I bothered you. I can get kinda loud sometimes." The human was obviously fighting a loosing battle against his exhaustion, blinking as sleep moved to claim him again.

"It's fine. We don't sleep, so you didn't disturb me."

"mmm…. ok'y…" Xander muttered as he gave up his pathetic struggles and fell asleep again. Edward smiled as he realized that Xander hadn't shifted his position with his scorching body still wrapped comfortably around Edward, and he hadn't objected to Edward's petting.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Xander felt like there was something he should remember. It was niggling at the back of his mind but he couldn't place it. Something had changed last night, something to do with Edward and he didn't know what it was. Shrugging, he decided to worry about it later, all he did last night was sleep, so it couldn't be that important anyway. He hummed absentmindedly as he stripped and climbed into the Cullen's gorgeous hand tiled shower. Some things weren't all that different from the vamps back home, despite the lack of bodily functions the Cullen's appreciated the very best in modern amenities when it came to personal grooming. He remembered numerous mornings where Spike had used all the hot water back when they were living together, the blonde had soaked up the heat like a big cat. Nothing like loosing your ability to create and maintain a decent body temperature to make you appreciate the comforts of warmth.

He was scrubbing himself down when he realized something and suddenly the warm shower felt a little chillier. "Well, shit."

Just down the hall, Alice laughed lightly and put her finger over Jasper's lips to silence him before he could ask. She bobbed her head at the hallway door and mouthed "Listen."

They heard the sounds of the shower running, then a soft curse. There was a deep breath, "Hello? I know you're all hopped up with the super hearing- I was wondering if anyone who can hear me would mind grabbing a marker before Edward decides to break down the door. Dying in the shower is one indignity I'd rather spare myself."

There was a pause, then he continued speaking to himself, still audible to the vampires. "I'd leave a nice clean soap-smelling corpse that way, though. Which isn't a bad way to go. Better than being an icky corpse- although once the decomp sets in…"

Edward had heard that last bit and met Alice in the hallway outside of the bathroom. "What's he talking about- dying in the shower?"

"I think he washed the marker off."

A vision played out in her mind of what would happen if Xander didn't reapply the scent spell soon. Edward watched through her eyes as he broke into the bathroom, startling the delectably soapy mortal and pinning his struggling gold-skinned body against the tiles roughly with a possessive growl. He saw his hands glide over hot skin as the warm shower leant him a false warmth of his own. The following scene was so graphic and explicit that he had to break eye contact and swallow rapidly to clear the venom flooding his throat. He blinked furiously, trying to clear his mind's eye, feeling Alice's measuring gaze on him. He steadfastly ignored her, instead studying the minute textures of the painted walls in embarrassment. Unfortunately, he couldn't drown out her thoughts.

_Edward has a CRU-USH!_ She sang gleefully. Although her vision had been explicit and violent it had been very clear that homicide was the last thing on Edward's mind and the focus of his lust was not Xander's blood. While it was nice to know he wasn't at risk of tearing his teeth into Xander and draining him, it was clear Edward was still a danger to the mortal and he needed to be on his guard. He scowled at Alice's light heartedness. She knew how much he worried about losing control, and their houseguest seemed to throw him into chaos effortlessly.

_Oh, relax. It'll be fine now that you're forewarned and prepared._ Without giving him time to do more than brace himself, Alice knocked on the door.

It opened almost immediately and they got an eyeful of a shiny wet Xander with a towel hastily wrapped around his waist. He hadn't put his eye patch back on yet and Alice gasped a bit at the sunken eyelid. He hastily slapped a hand over it and turned away self-consciously. "Sorry. Forgot to cover it. Didn't mean to squick you out."

For a vampire, that split second before reacting was an eternity and Edward had enough time to study the scarred, missing eye, finally seeing Xander's whole face revealed in the light. It was somehow different in the daylight, while the man was awake, his face was more animated and expressive. Without the patch, he seemed younger and more innocent, even with the scars that plainly stated otherwise.

He also noted the scars and marks all over his shapely chest. He saw the match to the teeth marks Esme had seen on his back as well as more evidence of the same variety of blades and claws. Most mysterious were a set of parallel marks across his torso. They appeared to be shaped like claws or fingernails, but no claws Edward had ever seen would make scars like that. The edges were ragged and pushed up, almost as if they had exploded outward rather than being cut into the body. Along the edges were signs of burn damage, frost bite and even rot. They were several years old but had healed a deep purple color with the edges and grooves still starkly interrupting the normal planes and dips of his muscular stomach and chest. It was such an impossible combination of effects that he was totally unable to imagine the nature of a weapon that could cause it.

He might have asked about the wounds but it was in that split second that a large droplet of water decided to fall from Xander's dripping hair. Edward's eyes greedily followed it's path downwards over the dip of his pulse-point and collarbone, trickling tantalizingly close to a dusky nipple as it passed, jogging sideways suddenly in the cut of a scar to brush the underside of the nipple and trace down the center of his pectoral. Edward had never in his life wished to be something so much as he wished to be that small bead of water as it traced slower and slower down Xander's chest and taught stomach. He nearly groaned as it met with the light dusting of hair just under the navel and the trail of hair carried the water down to disappear under the towel hastily clutched around his waist.

As Edward glared jealously at the damn towel that was hugging the brunette's hips, the hot moist air of the bathroom rolled over him and enveloped his senses. Edward's eyes dilated and darkened immediately. If at all possible the scent had more of a hold on him now than it had earlier. He felt his beastly instinct-ridden side awaken with a vengeance as venom flooded his mouth. He may not feel the same homicidal urges he had earlier, but the strength of his reaction still scared him.

_Oh, shit. Talk about all-the-better-to-eat-you-with-my-pretty expressions. _Xander met his fierce, blackened eyes for a heartbeat before snatching the marker Alice was offering and slamming the door in their faces.

A flash of light could be seen under the door and Edward could feel himself slowly returning to normal brain activity. Snickering, Alice grabbed Edward's arm as he stood frozen in the hallway, his attention still focused on what lay behind the flimsy and easily broken wooden door and his muscles locked tight. With a tug she began dragging him away, "C'mon Romeo, shows over."

As he let Alice drag him away, Edward broke into a small smile, he had heard Xander's thoughts.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

Sorry for the long wait. Since the last time I posted: I broke my computer, borrowed my friends laptop and broke that (or so she claims, I'm pretty sure it takes more than 3 days of only using Word to kill a Mac), bought a car, moved, got a promotion and a raise at work (which involves many many more hours a week) and generally had an explosion of real life events that cut my fanfiction time down to zero. Then, this weekend I had a real explosion, when my passenger side front tire blew off on the highway nearly giving me a heart attack. To make things even worse, I cried about it, and lost one of my contacts. (I had to call my parents to come rescue me, which as a 23 year old was kinda embarrassing.)

So, I decided on a sweet/smexy Ed/Xan chapter to apologize to you, hope you liked it. I'm all computered up again, so the next chapter won't be another 6 months away, I promise.

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)

Author has given no other permissions.

3,950 Words - 7 Pages - 03/02/10


	9. Spleens are Important

_**Falling into Twilight**_

Lightning_Skies

Spoilers/Pairings/Disclaimer – See first chapter  
"Dialogue"  
_Thoughts  
_-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 9 – Spleens Are Important =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

Later, Xander joined them in the living room, wearing a new set of Edward's clothes and still toweling off his hair. His eyepatch was firmly back in place. "So, what's on the agenda for today?"

Edward couldn't be bothered to answer or even tear his eyes away from Xander's body, instead avidly watching his muscles flex as he rubbed the terrycloth over his head. A possessive thrill ran through the vampire at seeing the brunette clad in _his _clothing and covered in _his _personal scent, with the slightest tantalizing tang of venom. He was very aware, in a way he hadn't been before, of just what -exactly- was hidden under the fabric. Vampires had eidetic memories after all.

"Well, as much fun as you seem to have getting into Edward's pants every day, I figure you could use some clothes of your own, non magical deodorant, and other human stuff too. So… mall trip!" Alice chirped from her perch on Jasper's lap; she was bouncing slightly with anticipation. The Texan took her abuse placidly and was watching his adopted brother and Xander with a very tiny amused smirk, feeling a whole slew of highly interesting emotions from them both.

Xander sputtered a bit before launching headlong into a clumsy, verbose denial. "Right. Because the less time spent in the pants-of-Edward the better. Xanders belong in Xander-pants. Only one person per relationship can wear the pants, not that we're in a relationship, but still- sharing of the pants is a no-no. Unless you're a Siamese twin, but then you'd be sharing a body too, so there really wouldn't be issues of ownership, because if there were, it would probably be over more important things like the spleen. Spleens are important right?" Xander babbled and blushed as he threw a quick glance to check Edward's reaction, but the rust-haired vamp wasn't really paying attention as he stared at Xander's chest with a decidedly hungry look in his darkening eyes.

He looked down instinctually to see what'd he'd managed to spill on himself in the thirty-or-so seconds he'd been wearing the shirt, but there was nothing wrong. For good measure he inspected his forearm, but as far as he could tell, the spell seemed to have been done properly. He sent a confused glance back in Edward's direction, but the eterna-teen seemed to have regained his composure and blank gold eyes met his look unblinkingly. He decided to just ignore the weirdness of the vampire, after all he hadn't met a normal one yet and wasn't going to hold his breath waiting for it to happen in his lifetime. Xander was pretty sure a 'normal vampire' was some kind of an oxymoronic myth. He realized that Alice was poised for action and still waiting for him to give an actual intelligent response to her declaration. "Uh. Did you want to go now?"

"No time like the present." Alice took that as her cue, hopped up from Jasper's embrace and went for her purse. She couldn't wait to get him into a fitting room. "The nearest mall is in Port Angeles, so shopping is usually a whole-day trip rather than just a quick stop."

"Okay, hang on to that thought just a second. I'll be right back." Xander turned and jogged back down the hall. The male vampires watched him go curiously, but Alice smiled before she rounded on them.

She put her hands on her hips and her best no-nonsense face on. "You're both coming, of course. We'll need the extra hands. We _are_ starting from scratch, after all. He'll need _all_ the basics." Edward and Jasper exchanged bemused looks, long used to Alice's antics.

"Ah don't see why not." Jasper shrugged, he was fine with it. He cherished Alice's endless energy and would do anything for her, even brave the discomfort of the unwashed masses that never seemed to leave the relatively crowded stores.

"Come on, Edward. It'll be fun." She mentally force fed him a few vision snippets of the day she had planned. "I'll even make sure to have him model some stuff that's slightly too small, just for you."

"Maybe I should come, if only just to protect him from you."

Jasper's smile deepened at the emotions coming off of Edward as he gave in with exaggerated grace, his red-gold eyes trained thoughtfully on the doorway Xander had disappeared through. Over the years his gift had shown him every level of emotional involvement a sentient being could feel. He had watched the varying births, evolution and deaths of thousands of relationships ranging from familial and platonic, to long-held grudges or betrayal, to those based solely on the gratification of rampant animalistic lust. It had gotten to the point where he could predict the emotional path a relationship would take to it's eventual conclusion. Alice teased him that he was picking up her gift whenever he pointed out a lifelong friendship that was quietly budding at the high school, or a couple that was going to implode messily, weeks before it ever happened.

For a long time, he had taken pleasure in using his gift only as a tool of amusement, letting the fine edge of his war sharpened skills of manipulation dull. He enjoyed being able to quietly watch others from afar without having to consider the best way to bend them to his will. He was always careful to have a minimal impact on his family aside from smoothing over a few minor arguments, but this was an intriguing development that may require some gentle prodding on his part. He'd never seen Edward show so much interest in anything outside of their eclectic family or his music, and to have the point of his keen focus be a person; perhaps Carlisle had made some very mistaken assumptions when he had attempted to find a companion for Edward amongst the fairer gender. It appeared to be quite possible that Rosalie had never had much of a chance at all. It would be fascinating to watch and feel things progress, as they would doubtlessly have a large impact on the family as a whole.

From what he'd sensed so far, neither man was really aware of what was going on, they were just operating on a purely emotional and instinctual level. He turned back to the others and found Edward watching him carefully and his quick tactical mind reassessed the situation. One of them was still unaware of exactly what was happening. He raised an eyebrow at Edward challengingly and even without the gift of telepathy his thoughts would have been clear for anyone to read. _So, you know. What are you going to do about it?_

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Xander knocked tentatively on Rosalie and Emmett's door. He knew they wouldn't be sleeping, but wasn't sure what else he could be interrupting and didn't want to be rude. It didn't help that some part of him wanted to be able to pull the 'Oh well, I tried and they aren't here. Too bad, so sad.' thing, and make a quick getaway. Alas, it wasn't to be, as Emmett pulled the door open and grinned down at him. "Didn't we scare you off already? I think your heartbeat is louder than your knocking, dude."

Emmett's casual mood put him more at ease and he tried to peek over the large vampire's shoulder. "Is Rosalie here?"

"If I say yes, are you going to run for it?" There was a glint of speculation in Emmett's eyes as he leaned against the doorjamb and effectively blocked Xander's view into the room.

"Um.. I can't promise anything, but, no, I don't think so." Xander sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. The moisture made his fingers tangle a little, but he managed not to embarrass himself by getting stuck. "Look, I came to apologize for dumping all my heavy emotional shit on you. It wasn't fair, even if she was kinda being a bitch. I've just always had problems with vampires and your family being the only people I even know in this dimension sucks a little bit. No pun intended. I'm feeling a more than slightly out of my element here, and right now I have this uncomfortable mental image of myself being a white supremacist skinhead stuck in a colored neighborhood. I don't like to think of myself as a walking Lifetime movie special, but I'm pretty sure it's how I came off, and I'm sorry."

"It wasn't as bad as all that. Rose isn't known for her friendly and outgoing personality. When she gets after you, your options are basically to break down, run away or get pissed. We were just surprised. Most of Rosalie's victims crumble into teary messes, they don't fight back and pull out the badass heavy artillery."

"Yeah, that's me. There is no 'overkill', there's only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'." They laughed together, and it was kinda nice knowing that his emotional meltdown hadn't freaked the big vampire out. Xander was always afraid that when he let his guard down people were going to see how much of a shattered mess he really was and would run screaming in the direction of the far off mirage of mental security. "Well, anyways. Alice is dragging me off to play my-sized-breathing-Barbie and I thought I could extend the olive branch of shopping. I've never met a girl who didn't like retail therapy. Maybe Rosalie would want to come along and make fun of my taste in clothing or something?"

Thinking of how avidly Alice was after him to update his wardrobe, Emmett was pretty sure that the mall and mens section of any clothing store was the last place he wanted to spend any time with his energetic sister, and Rose wouldn't go without a faithful bag and package carrier; even if she was plenty strong enough to do it herself. "I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Oh." Xander deflated a little bit, the nervous tension draining out of him. He couldn't tell if he was disappointed or happy that he'd been turned down. Shopping with Rosalie was likely to be excruciating, but at least it might have smoothed things over a bit. "OK. Did you need anything while we're out?"

Emmett took pity on the pathetic kicked puppy look; it couldn't have been worse even if Xander started whimpering. "Why don't you pick up some movies or something. We could do a movie night. Get to know each other a bit."

Xander smiled brilliantly at him, grateful for the returned peace offering. "I can do that. That'd be great, perfect even, and none of you would steal my snacks. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've been able to eat my own popcorn during a movie."

"Yeah, I can see how that'd be tragic." Emmett chuckled at the indignant face Xander made at him.

"Hey! Junk food ownership and distribution are very serious subjects. I'd like to see you make nice if someone you were eating got stolen right out from under you by another vamp."

"We don't eat 'someones' remember." Emmett was constantly amazed by Xander's nonchalant way of dealing with their vampirism. He didn't make a huge deal about it, but he didn't ignore it and pretend they were human either. It was strangely refreshing. It didn't hurt that the kid had a great sense of humor, despite all that he seemed to have lived through. With those life experiences combined with the joking attitude, Xander must be a master storyteller. At the very least his tactical mind would be deadly in a prank war. It had been a long time since the big vampire had indulged himself in petty tricks on his siblings and it could be nice to have a secret weapon if he was going to start the festivities again.

"Well, what do you eat then?"

"My personal favorite is bear. It's a revenge thing for getting mauled when I was human. "

"Ouch." Xander winced sympathetically and eyed him dubiously, the disbelief clear in his tone. "Well, I'm all for seeing the those little Care bears bastards get theirs, but I think I'd trade in my share of bear for a Twinkie any day. Can't live without their cream-filled goodness. It's a sweet tooth comfort food thing. There. Now we know each other a little better already."

"Dude, those things are gross. Don't they have a shelf life of decades or something?"

"Don't be hatin', 'Dude'." Xander blew Emmett's manner of speech way out of proportion as he defended his sweet golden treat. "We all have our favorites, you like grizzlies, I like Twinkies, but consider this… only one of our food sources is likely to survive a nuclear holocaust. Think about it. I'm just eating smart." Emmett laughed out loud at that one and Xander smiled cockily, proud of himself for the ridiculous defense he'd conjured. "I'd better go though. Alice seems like the impatient type who may not wait for me to actually be in a fitting room before she makes me strip."

"Very true. Good luck with that." As Xander turned and headed back towards the living room, Emmett shifted to the side, revealing Rosalie, who had been standing right behind him, listening to every word. He enveloped her in a hug as they watched the human walk away.

"Xander." She called quietly after him. It was the first time she'd ever said his name or called him anything other than 'the mortal' or 'the human.' He turned back to look at her curiously, noticing the perfect stillness that betrayed her slight unease. "Are you as stubborn as Spike?"

For a moment he was totally baffled as to what she was asking him, before remembering what he'd told her about the bleached menace.

…_the stubborn ass persisted until we were friends, of a sort, anyways…_

He grinned widely at her, choosing to believe that she was offering an unspoken apology and interpreting her words as a proffered truce, one that he embraced whole heartedly. "Oh, I'm much MUCH worse."

She graced him with a small smile, even though her bright eyes were still wary, and with a brief nod to her, he left to track down his would-be wardrobe consultant.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

Alice looked at the shirt in Xander's hands in horrified awe. "I'm a big supporter of a well rounded color palate in a wardrobe, but don't you think it's a little much to have all of your colors represented in a single shirt?"

Xander looked at the Hawaiian button up he was holding. It had a nice sunset scene, the yellow across the shoulders fading through orange and red down to the blue water, with the beach, surfers and palm trees all in black silhouettes. He couldn't see anything wrong with it. "It goes with everything that way."

Alice took the shirt away from him, pinching it between two fingers and holding it away from herself as she tossed it back on the rack, not bothering with a hanger and just letting it droop over the bar. "It clashes with everything, I think you mean."

They eyed each other for a moment, "You aren't going to let me chose my own clothes are you?"

"Not after that pitiful display of bad taste. I'm doing you a favor by revoking your license to shop. Stand back and leave it to the professionals."

"Can I at least pick out my underwear on my own?"

"If you must. Now, shoo! I need to make you presentable and apparently you're more of a hindrance than a help in that department." She waved him off and started pulling things from the rack in what appeared to be a random pattern, piling them in Jaspers arms.

As Xander gratefully fled the area, Edward followed the mortal to a display of boxers. He watched the self satisfied grin on Xander's face grow as he dug through the clothing and finally spoke up, accusingly. "You did that on purpose."

"Of course I did. By proving that I have no taste whatsoever, I don't get dragged around to consult…" His voice took on a higher pitch, "Which do you like better, the pink, the salmon or the coral? That seeing the future thing of hers is awesome, since she can look to see what I look like in something without even having me try anything on." He pawed through the boxers for another long minute. "Of course, for added realism, to keep up the charade my underwear needs to be garish. Which is fine, because I like cartoons. What do you think? Spongebob or Tasmanian Devil?"

Trying to understand Xander was a surreal experience, Edward decided, watching the human grab the brightest and busiest prints he could find. He didn't do anything in a straight-forward manner. It was as if he viewed the world through a kaleidoscope and from a different angle than anyone else. Part of it could probably be attributed to being from another dimension, maybe everyone there acted strangely, but Edward didn't think so. He was pretty sure that Xander was in a class of his own and there was no one like him in this, that or any other world. He wondered about what he had heard in Jasper's thoughts. Could his interest in Xander really mean something more than just being curious? Edward would be the first to admit that generally he had little to no interest in anyone. Having the thoughts of every passerby shoved in his face for the last hundred years had quickly showed him that humans, and even wolves and vampires were, on a whole, self involved, shallow minded and above all, boring.

Edward was pretty sure that Xander was incapable of being boring, or even predictable. His point was only proven further when Xander protested at the sheer volume of clothing Alice had picked out for him, pointed out the considerably sized price tags and complained that she'd picked out all high-end brand names, and was spending way too much money on him when they didn't even know if he'd get a chance to wear it all. Alice managed to convince him that years of bank interest and not needing money for food had left them with an excess. Xander was finally mollified when she told him he could leave the tags on things until he wore them, but then went on to demand that in return he be allowed to buy a bunch of movies for Emmett.

Of course, he didn't have any money of his own, which was the whole reason for the Cullen's to have paid for the clothing in the first place, but he was perfectly fine with turning to Edward and hitting him up for money to be paid back at some nebulous later date. That thin veneer of self sufficiency seemed to placate the human, and Edward wasn't really sure what to make of it. No, Xander definitely was not likely to ever be boring, and that intrigued him and made him want to spend more time with the mortal. He realized with a start that his mind had returned to spending forever with Xander. He had easily dismissed the stray thought as he stood guard over the sleeping human, but now, in the light of day it had returned and was just as appealing and grew only more so the longer he thought about it.

But Xander was a man, and a human. Edward had been raised in a time of courtship and chaperones. Men were to marry women, get a job at a good company and create stable little households full of children. Edward had lost the right to any of that when he had gotten sick and met Carlisle. He was no longer capable of producing children, his physical age prevented him from seeking long term employment within any career field, and it seemed that he really didn't want to marry a woman. He had never thought of himself as homosexual, but he was from an era where the subject wasn't ever talked about or even considered. He remembered the desire to marry a nice girl, but it was a planned future built on societal expectations and what he was told he should want. He smiled darkly as he thought of what his friends and neighbors in Chicago would think of who he was now. Why should he attempt to curb his sinful desires for a male when he was already damned for sins much more horrendous?

But it wasn't only his sins and soul at risk. Edward could harbor all the illicit desires he wished, but he could never act on them. He couldn't risk Xander's soul for indulgent self-gratitude. A new resolve filled him, he would enjoy Xander's presence, but he couldn't allow the mortal to learn of his feelings.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

There was a thunk as Xander dropped his bag of movie store goodies on the table. Carlisle and Esme had made themselves scarce so that the 'kids' could enjoy their movie night in peace. He admired their entertainment center, which sported the best of the best of everything before turning to the others, "Ok, see, usually movie night rules state that we watch an uninterrupted marathon of movies and compete to see who can stay awake the longest. The winner gets to pick the theme for the next movie night, but since you're all born again cheaters, we'll just have to go until I pass out. Which totally sucks, I usually win and you're gonna ruin my streak. Damn insomniac vampires. Doesn't lack of sleep make you mentally unstable or something?"

"That's for humans who need rest, we aren't affected by sleep deprivation because not only do we not need to sleep we physically cannot fall asleep." Edward explained.

"Lucky you. So. Here's the deal, I propose that we watch one decent movie and then we've gotta watch a crappy one." He started shuffling through the bag. "I went with the obvious theme and rented every vampire movie I could think of. There's nothing better than making fun of all the ways Hollywood gets it wrong. I've got all the genres: tragic-lovelorn vamps, sexed up co-ed vamps, infected with a weird virus vamps, my one night stand had an oral fixation and now I feel funny vamps, barely better than a zombie vamps…"

He held up a DVD, "Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt vamps. Pick almost any actor and see him as a vamp. George Clooney - Check, Keifer Sutherland - Check, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, Christopher Walken, Bill Paxton, Ben Kingsley - Check, check and double check. I even got some horror movies too. _Vampire in Brooklyn_ and _Once Bitten_. Because the thought of Eddie Murphy and Jim Carrey being around forever is nightmare inducing."

Emmett was pawing through the pile of films Xander was building on the coffee table. "No Dracula?"

Xander's face clouded over, and he spoke venomously. "Dracula's an asshole."

"Whoa, don't hold back now. Tell us how you really feel." Emmett was a little chagrined that he managed to find another of Xander's taboo subjects so quickly. The kid was a minefield of insecurity and bad experiences.

"That_ is_ how I really feel. That bastard totally Renfield-ed me. I spent a week with the 'Yes, Master. No, My Dark Prince. How high, My Lord? May I eat this spider, My Most Unholy Prince?' I could have very happily lived my whole life without knowing that different types of bugs do in fact have varying tastes and consistencies." He visibly shuddered. "Ugh, the consistencies."

The Cullens were all gaping at him. Alice managed to ask, with an excited bounce. "You've met Dracula? As in THE Dracula?"

"He's really not all that special. He's just a regular-joe vamp with a hundred years of good PR. He's not even all that impressive. He's got the mind whammy and some gypsy illusion magic that he uses to make himself look good with the pretending to turn to mist or bats or whatnot. The thing that really gets me is the accent. The first thing I did when I heard him speak was make fun of him for it. There may have been a Sesame Street counting reference. It was so over the top that I thought he was a Dracula wannabe, not the real deal. 'I vant to sock your bluud.'"

Rosalie smirked at him, "Sounds like you met your soulmate, that special someone who knew how to treat you right."

Xander just looked back at her pityingly, "It's such a shame that you were PMS-ing when you were turned and now your hormones are stuck like that forever."

The vampires all laughed at that, although Emmett shut up fairly quickly once Rosalie turned her most potent glare onto him. "Sorry, Babe."

"He was kinda stuck in the dark ages, I accidentally called him Your Excellent Spookiness once and he told me I was strange and off-putting. What does it mean when an undead drama queen of the night tells you that you're the weird one?"

"That it's probably true." Alice chirped gleefully.

"Oh _yeah_, he wears pouffy silk shirts and red velvet in the 90s in Southern Californian heat and **I'M** the weird one. In the words of valley girls everywhere, What-_ever_."

As Jasper manned the remote, the others all paired up and grabbed a love seat each, leaving the only free seat next to Edward. Everything in 'La Casa de Vampiros' seemed to be built for pairs. It must really have sucked to be Edward, constantly reminded that everyone else had the love of their life while you were still alone. He could relate, remembering the Angel and Oz snuggling that went on in high school when he was on the outs with Cordy or even more recently with Kennedy and The Immortal while he was still missing Anya.

As Xander sat down and made himself comfortable, his shoulder brushed against the vampire's briefly and he noticed for the first time how cold the Cullen's really were. Carlisle had said that they were known as the 'Cold Ones' for a reason, but experiencing it for himself was different. He could practically feel waves of cold flowing out of Edward. A stray thought made him snicker. "Who needs AC. You can save energy and combat global warming by snuggling with a vamp."

"We're not generally considered particularly 'snuggly'." Right then and there Xander decided that hearing the word snuggly coming out of Jasper's Texan mouth was pretty much the funniest thing ever.

"Do you actually radiate cold?" Before he could think about his actions he had grabbed Edward's hand and held it close to his face, inspecting it. "Are you colder than room temp? How does that even work?"

He looked up to see Edward looking at their clasped hands with a strange look on his face and quickly dropped his hand. Edward flexed his fingers, continuing to stare pensively at his now empty hand. "Our skin and flesh isn't really meat anymore. We're something harder and more durable. Something that has a much colder room temperature."

"It has to do with thermal conductivity." Jasper added. "In the same way that wood and metal feel different at the same ambient temperature. We're much colder than any living thing."

"I think it's kinda cool. Spike was always a little clammy and he'd soak up warmth and change temperatures. He always hogged all the hot water in my shower. At least you have some type of homeostasis going on, even if the personal thermostat is set a little differently." The vampires all looked at him. "What? I can't know big words?"

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"Dhampires." Jasper said, "Half-breeds, both human and vampire."

Xander thought for a minute, "Hmm, ok. How 'bout the Asasabonsam."

"You just made that one up." Alice accused.

Xander shook his head, "Nope. It's an African vampire. It has solid iron teeth and hangs from tree tops, catching victims with it's hooked feet. It's favorite place to bite is the thumb."

"Cold Ones." Edward added.

"That'd be you, right? I'm pretty sure that's cheating. You couldn't think of anything else?"

"Lamia." Rosalie joined in, breaking her silence. She had given up on ignoring their idiotic competition to see who could name the most types of vampire legends. "Women who were half-snake and fed on the blood of young men."

"That's a good one, I can't believe I forgot about that one." Xander pouted.

"The Chupacabra." Emmett stated proudly, to sound of groans from his family. "What? It drinks animal blood so it totally counts." He turned to Xander who was the only one who wasn't rolling his eyes. "They don't believe me but I saw one a few years ago when I was hunting down in South America. I tried to catch it but it was a fast little fucker. I've always wanted to know what it would have tasted like."

Xander and the others all laughed at the pout on Emmett's face.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"And THAT was a beautiful thing. Natural selection at it's finest." Xander crowed victoriously as the bimbo onscreen got her throat ripped out. "Dumb humans get themselves vamped, dumb vamps get themselves torched."

"Did I just hear you say that only dumb humans get vamped?" A voice purred boldly in his ear, making a crawly little shiver, that wasn't entirely unpleasant, start in the base of his spine. He turned to see Edward staring at him with a dangerously intent expression on his face. He realized with a small bit of surprise that the others had all managed to evaporate at some point, leaving just Edward and himself, bathed in flickering electronic light. The shiver grew and tingled under his skin. He almost imagined that Edward could see it.

"Um, no. Of course not. Only the prettiest and smartest people get vamped." As his eyes remained locked with Edward's, he grew braver and added, "It has nothing whatsoever to do with Darwin Awards or terrible survival instinct."

They maintained their stare down until the dead girl's body was found by one of her sorority sisters, who had one hell of a set of lungs she wasn't afraid to use. The sound of her screams jolted both men out of their fugue state and they both turned back to the TV and continued to pretend they had any interest in the movie, smiles playing over their lips. Xander wasn't quite able to catch Edward's darting glances that lingered longer and longer as the night passed. He wouldn't realize until later that he had allowed Edward to sit on his blind side without the slightest feeling of being vulnerable and exposed.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

"ARG! I can't take it anymore." Xander burst out in frustration, effectively drawing the attention of everyone in the house. He jumped up off the couch where he, Emmett, Jasper and Edward had been watching the last of the movies they hadn't gotten to before he'd passed out. "I can't take this happy home-maker/peaceful/tranquil/zen lifestyle. How can you stand it? I NEED to kill something."

He got up and started pacing in short staccato lines, zigzagging erratically across the living-room. "I may not need to feed, but I've got a feral predator in my head and lived in what amounts to a war-zone all my life. This quiet, calm atmosphere is giving me the wiggins. The only time things are this quiet back home is right before the world tries to end or someone dies."

"Xander-" Edward tried to draw his attention-

But, he was cut off as the manic human whirled on Jasper and jabbed a finger in his direction, "Don't even think about it Valium-guy. I like my nervous energy. It's saved my life more than once, and it's not paranoia when they really are out to get you."

"Mah apologies." Jasper looked properly cowed, so Xander resumed his pacing.

"Right. Emmett said there were bears around here." An evil grin spread across his face. "I wanna 'rassle'. Edward, let's go. You're gonna find me a Yogi to beat on."

Ignoring everyone he marched out the sliding door into the side yard. No one moved. In less than thirty seconds he was back, "Okay, let me put it this way. I either find something to fight off a little extra energy or I start annoying Rosalie until she takes a swipe at me. I just figured that there would be less property damage and hair pulling if I went after a bear."

Edward was by his side, handing him his weapons before he even finished talking. "Are you sure you should be doing this. Carlisle only just got your stitches fixed."

"I'll be fine. If I'm not, well then you'll be there to scrape me off the ground and lug me home." Edward felt a flash of warmth in his chest at the word home, but his concerns quickly flooded back in. Xander scowled up at him."Would you relax, I can practically hear you vibrating. I may be pessimistic, defeatist and more than a little fatalistic, but I'm not suicidal or masochistic… much… usually… Today, at least."

With that less than stellar evaluation of his mental health he grabbed his weapons and started strapping them on as he headed for the woods. With one last glance at his watching family, Edward followed.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

In every crossover Twilight fic I've ever read, Alice drags -insert character here- off to shop. Who am I to say no to fanon.

Okay, here's the deal. I watched Eclipse, which gave me the inspiration to actually sit down, pull out my massively vague notes and write out a storyline for this fic. Not knowing where it was all going was the biggest stumbling block for me, b/c whenever I sat down to write a new chapter there was the looming "Now What?" question to deal with. After my brainstorming, I kinda know where it's going and I'm inviting you to give some input now while it's still malleable, before it gets set in stone in the next few updates.

Do you want to see Bella?  
Do you want to see Jacob/Blacks/Quiliutes/Wolves?  
Do you want Xander to see the Buffyverse/Scoobies again?  
Should I bring in the Volturi (for real this time)?  
Should Victoria/Laurent/James be the villains or do you want OCs?  
… and the big one: Should Xander be vamped?

Like I said, I already have a plan and it works, but I'm not overly in love with my storyline, even if I am attached to parts of it. If I get an overwhelming vote for something different than I have planned or if someone suggests something that sends the muse in another direction, I can still adjust accordingly.

Lots of people have said that they love my strange little conversations with my muses. Sorry I didn't have one last chapter.

Emmett: Why would I eat a chupacabra?  
LS: You just seem like the type that would try to eat anything you could put in your mouth.  
Xander: -Holds up a bizarre creature that looks like a hairless rat/dog/kangaroo with spines- I've got one right here... I dare you to eat it.  
E: Ew, dude. No.  
X: ... I'll give you five bucks.  
E: What are you, two?  
LS: I double dare you.  
X: He won't do it, he's too scared of the Chupathingy.  
E: Gimme that. I'll show you scared.  
Rosalie: Don't you DARE. Emmett, if that thing goes anywhere NEAR your mouth, I'm not kissing you for a month.  
E: Aw, Babe.  
LS/X: Dammit!

Distribution: FFN/LiveJournal (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)  
Author has given no other permissions.  
5,620 Words - 08/03/10


	10. Where Do We Go From Here?

**Falling into Twilight**

_Lightning_Skies_

Spoilers/Pairings/Disclaimer – See first chapter  
"Dialogue"  
_Thoughts _  
-_Unreadable Thoughts_-

I don't usually do song-fics, but the shuffle function on my iTunes thought Radiohead's _Creep_ would be perfect for this chapter

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Chapter 10 – Where Do We Go From Here? =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

"Look, all I'm saying is that I don't think it's the best idea to get into a fight with an animal that is four times your size and has claws bigger than your whole finger. You're hurt and human, which doesn't give you great odds against a grizzly who will probably have a cub and be extra protective." Edward easily followed Xander as he heedlessly forged what appeared to be a random path straight back into the woods behind the Cullen's house. He wasn't about to tell Xander that it wasn't likely that they'd come across ANY animal life at all this deep into the Cullen's territory, especially a bear. Everything from squirrels to cougars instinctively avoided the scariest predators around and Xander happened to be living with an entire coven of them. It would take the human four hours or more at his current pace to get anywhere near bear territory, which was probably a good thing, considering his current attitude. Edward was content to follow him and try to keep him out of trouble until he tired himself out.

_Dammit, you just don't get it. That's not what this is about._ Edward frowned when he heard the frustrated unvoiced thought that was unconsciously aimed his way. He'd been wrong when he believed that hearing Xander's thoughts would make him easier to understand. He was more confused than ever, just from catching a few of Xander's louder thoughts. If this wasn't about violent frustration, which Edward could have understood and related to considering his own unique biological inclination, what was it about? He wanted to ask, but didn't want to admit to the human that he had apparently been given free reign to enter his mind by what was supposed to be the over-protective guard dog version of a spirit animal. His lips twitched at the thought that here he was, a century old murderous beast who was following a distraught, possessed human from another world through the woods like an overeager puppy in the hopes of earning his friendship or maybe more and satisfying his own roused curiosity and in the process had somehow gained 'courting' permission from said human's inner animal. When had his life turned into a supernatural soap opera and when did he start to prefer it that way?

Xander didn't even turn to look at the vampire trailing him as he ducked under a fallen tree propped up on it's still standing neighbors. His words were as defensive as his short abrupt strides and hunched posture. "Do you listen to me at all when I talk, Edward. Because, really, I could swear that I've told you about all the huge, clawed demons I fight on a regular basis. Sometimes they even spice it up with poison... and friends."

"Which you fought because they were hurting people and needed to be stopped, not just because you were feeling antsy. So this is about something else." Using his vampire speed to avoid the backswing of a heavy branch Xander had shoved his way through, Edward countered him calmly, refusing to rise to the bait. Xander was lashing out aimlessly, in his anger he really seemed ready to pick a fight with just about anyone. Luckily, his personality wouldn't let him continue to attack anyone who refused to fight back. Edward could wait him out.

Xander stopped dead, his shoulders rigid and tense. His breathing was too heavy to have been caused by their short walk, and he panted heavily through his mouth while he tried to regain control of himself. "Alice saw it right?"

Edward stopped short at this non-sequitor, Xander's thoughts were scattered, and the comment had barely arisen in his mind before it was blurted out. "What...?"

"That I'm never getting home." The human still wouldn't turn to face him, and Edward made no move from where he was, watching Xander's back. Sometimes, it was easier to get things off of your chest when you didn't have to make eye contact. "She saw something that meant I'm never going home, didn't she. That's why she and Jasper came after me and why you're all suddenly playing babysit the human. Hell, it's why Rosalie was capable of being in the same room as me for several consecutive hours. Pity. You all feel bad for me. Did you think I couldn't feel all your eyes on me. There's no way that I'm really that interesting." There was bitterness and grief and defeat and a slew of other emotions in his voice.

Edward had no idea what to say. How was he supposed to comfort someone who was just realizing that they had lost everything? There were no words eloquent enough. "Xander..."

The brunette whirled on him suddenly and his eye was full of self-righteous fury. "No. Edward. Don't you dare. I don't need your pity. I am _not_ weak. I am _**not **_helpless and I _**don't**_ need to be protected. Tell me."

"She saw you searching for years and never finding anything. It broke you down piece by piece and you eventually gave up." He turned his face away, breaking contact with the brown eye he could feel boring into him. There were definitely things that it was easier to say without having to see the emotional impact they had. He wasn't going to tell Xander the whole truth. It was no longer going to happen and just hearing this much would be devastating.

There was a sharp scent of saline as Xander's eye shone with moisture, but the tears were furiously blinked back before they could fall. "God. I think I knew all along. That I was never going to see anyone again- but it's another thing entirely to hear it said out loud. Shit." He looked so small and fragile in that moment, his crossed arms becoming more about self comfort than defensive posturing. His body sagged limply and he lost control of his weak knees, sinking to sit in the soft pine needles. "What the hell am I supposed to do now, Edward? I've lost everything and everyone I've ever loved. Hell, I've lost anyone I've ever hated or ignored or just passed on the streets. I don't belong here. Christ, I don't even exist here. I don't have an identity. In more ways than one. Can't exactly be a humanity saving, demon killing expert where there aren't any demons. Who am I supposed to be when I've lost everything that I've defined myself with over the years? I don't think I even remember how to be normal-Joe-Human-guy."

Edward reached out slowly and carefully gathered the shell-shocked Xander into his embrace, slowly pulling the smaller man until he was half sitting in Edward's lap, giving him plenty of time and space to pull away. The human didn't even seem to notice as his limp body was rearranged to suit the vampire, his mind was awash in memories and emotions and was wandering somewhere far away from the wet forests of the Olympic peninsula. Edward ignored the knife strapped to Xander's hip that was digging into this stomach, it wasn't like it could hurt him. He spoke as soothingly as he could, "I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But, remember who you're talking to. My family is uniquely suited to being sympathetic about your situation. We've all dealt with loosing everything. None of us really belong here either, we're just old relics of past ages. If you let us, we could all be here for you. I'll be here for you."

Xander mentally hummed a few bars of a song Edward didn't recognize and buried his face in the vampire's shoulder, his eyes slipping shut he sang softly to himself, _Where do we go from here? _The scent of salt grew even stronger and Edward pretended not to notice when he felt the moisture seeping through his shirt.

They sat that way for a long time, Edward indulging himself with soaking up Xander's freely given body heat and counting the deep calming breaths. He fought back disappointment when Xander sniffled loudly and cleared his throat, shifting away from Edward's shoulder. The human seemed to realize exactly what their position was and who's literal shoulder to cry on he was accepting and shot to his feet. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I probably snotted all over you."

Edward could feel the peaceful comfort of the moment fracture as Xander gathered himself and hid his open vulnerability away behind it's usual buffer of humor. He decided not to let it slip away without a fight and stared up at the brunette, trying to meet his gaze, but the human steadfastly refused to look back.

"It's fine." He made sure that his voice was laden with deeper meaning. He knew he'd been heard loud and clear when his keen eyes caught the small flinch that Xander hastily attempted to cover by finding it vitally important to meticulously wipe every single pine needle off of his jeans.

Xander groaned. "Speaking from experience, it's really not. Being goo-ed on sucks. You're lucky I'm not a Fyarl or you'd be loosing feeling in your extremities right about now." He stepped forward and brushed inefficiently at the wet spot on Edward's chest with his shirt sleeve. The vampire watched him quietly, he wasn't about to discourage any voluntary contact. Deliberately mistaking Edward's intent gaze for confusion, Xander's face flushed and he elaborated. "They can shoot booger bombs or phlegm loogies or something. It's got a super powerful paralyzing ability and is in no way pretty to look at or experience."

"Xander..." Edward coaxed softly. Just pretending it had never happened wasn't healthy as had been proven with Xander's easy going attitude with their movie night. He could pretend that everything was alright, but it really wasn't and he needed to deal with that before it festered into something even bigger and deeper than today's minor breakdown.

"No, really. I woke up one morning to see a Fyarl looming over my bed. I almost had a heart attack. I mean it turned out to be Giles, who'd been cursed by Ethan after they'd gotten drunk together but..."

"Xander." He said more firmly, halting the stream of deflection. It sounded like an interesting story, but now wasn't the time. Edward would be perfectly willing to sit down and listen to the whole thing when it wasn't being used as an emotional smokescreen."There is no shame in mourning what you've lost."

"But they're not lost, I'm the one who got lost and I don't even know if they're still alive or where they are or what they're doing. I mean, Angel got sucked into another dimension and 300 years passed there before 4 months had passed for us and what if it's like that and they've all already died of old age. It's just so much _worse_ to not know and have to live with the fact that unless they find me I may never know. I'm not good with the sitting and waiting."

"... and you're afraid that while you wait for them, they might not even notice you're gone, because they're so busy living their own lives and they didn't invite you to come with them." Edward said quietly, remembering a lonely little boy, left alone in the library with nothing but his memories.

"What?" Xander's voice was deadly flat and he finally looked Edward squarely in the eyes. His normally cheerful, warm brown eye seemed to darken in his fury, almost like he was a vampire himself. "I never said that."

"No, but you were thinking it." The shutters came down hard over Xander's expression, slamming in his face metaphysically and forcing Edward out.

"That's not.. how did you?..." _You can read me? _The thought was nearly shouted in anger and flavored with a sense of betrayal. "How... How long?"

"Just the last few days. You were having a nightmare and when I tried to soothe you the hyena dragged me into your mind. I've been catching bits and pieces since then. The stronger the thought is, the easier it's been for me to hear it." Edward refused to look away at the admission. He watched the emotions playing over the human's face. Unfortunately, he knew he'd given the perfect excuse for the dimensionally displaced man to ignore his grief once more and instead concentrate on the anger he felt over Edward's invasion of his mental privacy.

For the first time since he'd arrived, Xander reacted predictably and did just that. All of his battered emotions were channeled into offended fury. "Is that what this is about? You see some sad memories and decide to befriend the poor lonely human? They didn't leave me Edward. They have their lives. I have my life... and we're all needed exactly where we are. We have to protect the entire world from the shit that goes bump in the night and eats you when you hear the sound and turn around. Unfortunately, that means we're mostly living on different continents. Sure, some part of me thinks that sucks, but as a fully mature adult I think I've got a pretty good handle on the whole 'you can't always get what you want' adage."

Xander angrily brushed past him and stormed back towards the house. Edward sighed unnecessarily as he said goodbye to all the progress he thought he'd made with the temperamental human. He wondered if this was what Carlisle had experienced when he'd rebelled against their vegetarian lifestyle and rejected the older vampire's compassion. He remembered the desire to just be able to destroy something, to make the hurt go away by making someone else feel it instead. He even remembered the mood swings and bizarre rationalizing for his actions. He'd had himself totally convinced that it was alright to kill humans, so long as they were 'bad people.' It was an excuse that was nebulous at best and playing judge, jury and executioner at the worst. Hopefully he could prevent Xander from doing anything so foolish.

"Where are you going now?" He doubted Xander had anything in mind, his thoughts were too tumultuous and mostly revolved around getting as far from Edward as possible.

"I'm leaving."

"Again? Fine. I'll just come pick you up in a few hours when your temper is cooled off a bit. How does four o'clock sound? Does that fit into your moping schedule?" He followed the human back into the house, past his family, who were all still in the living room. It felt like it had been hours since Xander's proclamation of his vendetta against bears, but it had probably been less than forty-five minutes. They both ignored the curious golden eyes following them across the living room and up the stairs. Even when the others were out of sight, Edward knew that they were shamelessly hanging on ever word.

Xander stopped halfway up the stairs, and chose to utilize the high ground when his bronze-haired tormenter stopped at the bottom and gazed up at him with those deep, guileless eyes that people probably wrote romance novels about. "I can't stay here Edward... and you can't- you can't make me." Xander cringed momentarily at the angsty line spoken by teenagers everywhere, but it was true. He wasn't the Cullen's problem, and they had no hold over him or his actions.

"Why not?" Edward waited for Xander to deliberately misinterpret his words and get angry again.

"Lemme think about it for a- OH! I know! Maybe it's because I'm part of a complete breakfast for you." Xander threw his hands up in the air, rolling his eyes and spoke with irritation making it pretty clear that he thought Edward was the one being unreasonable. "Me drug, you addict. My life is pretty strictly rationed, like the Time's Square countdown, while you're on indefinite hiatus and standing by until further notice. Accidents happen- to me more than other people- so eventually there's gonna be an 'Oh my god you killed Xander, you bastard!' situation, and if there's not... What are you gonna do, keep me as a human pet until you're introducing me as Grampa Cullen- 'please excuse him when he starts mouthing off about vampires his mind's going.' This is like a reverse ugly duckling situation. You being the swans and me being the duckling. I should be with other ducklings. 'Yay' for segregation! You really don't need my kind here and I'm not fond of the title 'Emergency Rations.'"

"Where else would you go?" And damn him if those wide gold eyes didn't just make him feel like he was playing soccer using a puppy. How the hell did someone that old make him feel like he was ruining innocent vampiric hopes and dreams by denying Santa's existence. Xander had thought that Jasper was the emotion manipulator. He felt his resolve to be an angry bastard crumbling. That was so not fair. Edward was playing dirty, he just knew it, but couldn't put his finger on how, exactly.

"I don't know. Does it really matter? I don't need your pity. Do you know what pity really is? It's condescending guilt. It means you're looking at me and thinking 'Wow, my life is so much better than his, I kinda feel bad. Poor lost little human.' This may come to you as a surprise Edward, but while I don't have the grand title of centurian, I am a duo-deca...septarian or something. But the point is, that I am, in fact, an adult who is fully capable of taking care of myself and I don't need anyone hovering all over me. In fact, considering I've known you for less than a month and your inner cookie monster thinks I'm a fresh baked chocolate chip, it's really damn creepy. So stop."

He stomped up the rest of the stairs to Edward's room and gently slammed the door. There was no point in damaging the beautiful woodwork of the door framing and their vampiric senses would pick up the firm emphasis he gave the impact of the door without having to make the whole house shake.

Esme and Carlisle had come to see what the fuss was about and turned to Edward in concern. He was still staring at the empty space at the top of the stairs where Xander's defeated, slumped shoulders had disappeared. "He knows he gist of what Alice saw, probably knew from the beginning and doesn't appreciate us trying to keep it from him. I didn't tell him about the Volturi."

They all moved back into the living room, where Edward collapsed onto the couch with a deep sigh. He felt emotionally wrung out from trying to keep up with Xander. He looked up as his concerned sire, "Did I ever thank you for everything you put up with when I was a newborn, Carlisle? Because I suddenly have a new appreciation for how much patience it must have taken to deal with my erratic behavior."

Carlisle chuckled, "It was no trouble at all. I may not have known exactly what I was getting myself into, but I've found over the years that our family has been worth every bit of effort and more."

"It'll be okay, Edward. I don't see him leaving again." Alice hopped over the back of the couch and slipped down beside him, patting his knee. She pulled her legs up to sit cross legged and propped her chin on her hand, staring blankly into the future. "He's probably just overwhelmed. I mean we all knew he was taking the whole situation _way_ too easily."

"Yeah, it was totally unfair that he didn't freak when we told him we're vampires. What's the use in being a Hollywood monster if people aren't even afraid of you. I've never seen anyone but Alice be so unconcerned by weird life changing revelations, or as willing to irritate Rosie," Emmett chimed in with a laugh, "but we all know she's totally off her nut. He just might be sane after all, maybe. Y'know if the mental breakdown doesn't get him first."

Esme nodded, "It's probably better that he is attempting to deal with it now, than continuing to ignore everything totally, but still I can't help but wish there was something we could do."

"He's just trying to sort himself out." Jasper perched himself on the arm of the couch near Alice, his burgundy tinted eyes trained on the ceiling where Xander's heartbeat and breathing could be heard, muffled slightly by the floor separating them. "He's feeling too much at once and doesn't know what to concentrate on. Any well meaning overtures on our part probably wouldn't be welcome at this point. We'll have to wait for him to decide what he wants and come to us."

"Ten bucks says it takes him a week of brooding." Emmett looked at his brothers expectantly, "Who's in?"

"I don't care as long as he stays out of my way." Rosalie went back to her magazine. "He can off himself and stay locked in there forever if he wants, so long as his corpse doesn't start to smell."

"Aw, babe. You're totally warming up to him aren't you?" Emmett slung an arm over her shoulder. "Should I be worried?"

"Oh." Alice whispered mysteriously. "I can see it now. Xander is going to tame Rosalie's temper and they're going to run away together."

There was a derisive snort from behind a page of the newest Revlon nail polish colors.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

What the hell was he doing here? Xander stared at the pale blue ceiling, just as he had for the last few hours, and still the stupid plaster hadn't deigned to give him an answer. He chalked it up to a bad spackle job. With a sigh, he flopped over on his side. His jokes and topic avoiding thoughts were just getting inane at this point. Which brought him right back to the topic he was trying to avoid in the first place. He had no way to get home, which meant that unless Willow could whip up a magical dimension location spell, he was stuck. He didn't even know if they were looking for him yet, if they'd missed him. Edward's words still rang in his head but he viciously shoved them away. No. It might be is biggest insecurity, but it wasn't true. He knew his girls would notice he was gone and they would do everything in their power, which in Willow's case was not a small amount, and they would find him. They would find him and get him back and then they would smother him half to death with their mothering and they'd probably never let him leave the Council headquarters again without a team of Slayers to babysit him.

They would.

But what if they didn't.

Aside from knowing several dozen different portal spells that would use Dawn up like a battery, which he would never want them to do, he wasn't sure there was much they could do for him. He wasn't the mojo master, but messing with alternate realities was probably heavy duty stuff. He really hoped that Willow didn't do anything scary and that Giles and Buffy knew enough to keep an eye on her. When she found out he was missing it would probably be even worse than when Buffy had died. No offense to the Buffster, but their friendship had been ratified in a spit laden secret handshake in kindergarden, and those were some potent friendship oaths. Willow really did not like spit, it reminded her of the slime on frogs, so she took the handshake very seriously. Not to mention the two decades of unstoppable friendship that had occurred after their yellow crayon pact. So he knew they were coming for him eventually, if they could. But the fact remained that he didn't know if time flowed the same here and they might never be able to find a way to come for him, no matter how long they searched.

He thought he could probably cope with never seeing his friends again, but the thing that really bothered him was that everything was the same but different here. He remembered when Willow was tinkering with the Buffy-bot and had mentioned that the reason she/it was so creepy was some psychological theory called the 'uncanny valley' which run through a Xander filter basically meant that the more familiar something seemed, the more jarring and obvious the small differences became. This was not his world, but it was so tantalizingly similar that he felt like he could just pick up the phone and get Giles all excited in his glasses-polishing, Watcherly way about this new type of vampire he'd discovered that the Council had overlooked. Then it would hit him all over again that the Council didn't exist, Watchers didn't exist and Giles didn't exist and his world would crumble around him all over again.

So. What the hell was he doing here?

The carpeted floor didn't have an answer any better than the ceiling had.

-/-/-/-\-\-\-

He was still stuck on that thought several days later. He was sitting on the stairs to the back porch, staring at the woods without seeing them and absently carving celtic knots into the top of a stake he'd automatically carved out of a random piece of wood. Old habits died hard. The Cullens had somehow managed to make themselves scarce without seeming like they were deliberately avoiding him, even Edward. Part of him appreciated it and another was just glad he wasn't the only one inconvenienced by the crappy situation. He had only snuck out of his cave of solitude a few times to eat or attempt to shower the bad thoughts away.

He felt a little guilty that every time he raided the fridge he'd found a prepared plate of something delicious that just needed to be reheated. Esme really didn't deserve his cold shoulder routine, and while he was on that topic neither did the others. It wasn't their fault that he'd been stupid enough to get caught in a portal and dumped on them. They were actually being really awesome about it. They were feeding him and had gotten him clothes and were willing to give him his space, even when he was invading theirs. He wasn't sure how to react to them, they just didn't act like any type of vampires that he had ever met before, not even the souled ones and that left him feeling like he was constantly missing dance steps or puzzle pieces or something metaphorical.

And there it was again. The small reminder that this wasn't home. No matter how comfortable Carlisle and Esme's home was, it wasn't his. On the other hand he was pretty lucky that it wasn't. If he was back home then...

He was startled when a cold hand grasped his shoulder, and his instincts kicked in hard. He smoothly grabbed the pale wrist, dropping his shoulder down and back to thrust into the surprised vampire's stomach as he twisted and yanked the unresisting form, off balance, over his shoulder to land on it's back in the dirt. Before he could even think about who he had just thrown, his hand was coming down, stake aimed to pierce the soft spot directly between the ribs and dig deep into the heart. The vision playing in his head of the hundreds of times he'd made this exact move was halted when his improvised stake hit impervious skin and the force of his follow through shattered the wood in his hand.

The pain of a hand full of wood shards finally woke him out of the haze he'd been in and he looked down to see that he'd just tried to stake Edward. He ignored the blood dripping off of his hand as he stared down at the surprised and concerned vampire. Their locked gazes held for a long moment as they searched each other for unknown things.

"I'm sorry." It was everything he'd been thinking about in the last few days condensed into two words, but Edward's eyes continued stared into him in silence. When he let everything he was thinking freely flow through his mind, he received a quirky smile and knew that he'd been heard and understood.

"It's fine." This time he admitted to himself and to the vampire that he could also understand what Edward didn't say out loud.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= TBC =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

A/N:

Thanks everyone for your reviews, this chapter was helped out by reviewers who pointed out that actually fighting a bear for no reason was a little weird and he was getting along with the Cullens too easily and too fast. I love it when you guys give me details like that to adjust my story a little better and most of the time you point out things I was going to elaborate on anyways. Makes me feel warm and fluffy inside that you're following my storytelling enough to pick up on stuff like that.

Also, the storyline is now set. Some of you will be happy, unfortunately others may be disappointed. I'm not going to tell you what I've decided to do, since what would the point be to write it if you already knew, but I will say this. I don't bash. Ever. Unless, I'm writing crack or from someone's POV who is prone to bashing. (AKA Xander's thoughts on Angel) I try to give everyone reasons for what they're doing. So, I won't be throwing Bella under any buses. Sorry.

LS is rereading the chapter and beta-ing for herself  
X - "What the hell am I doing here?"  
iTunes (Radiohead's _Creep_) – _What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here._  
LS -Stares at iTunes in shock- "… That's so '_Creep_'y." -SNERK-  
Muse – "I'm so glad you amuse yourself."

Distribution: FFN (Lightning_Skies), Twisting the Hellmouth (LightningSkies)  
Author has given no other permissions.  
4,747 Words - 9 Pages - 01/14/11


End file.
